Jokes in Pidgin English (2) – You wan fall in Love? (Remix)

Those days for Uniben! E get one guy wen dey go out with one girl, professing undying love, ‘I will die for you’. My guy nor know say the girl original boyfriend na one top cult guy. You know girls wen dey like to keep their options open, in case yanwa gas for one end. When the cult guy hear say one guy don fall in love with em girlfriend, d guy arrange some of em boys make dem go handle d girlfriend lover. Na’em dem hijack lover boy go one corner. Dem give d guy pep talk: 

Cult guys: When Adam fall in love with Eve, wetin happen?
Lover guy (confused): Adam commit sin
Cult guys: No, wetin happen to Adam last last?
Lover guy: Adam die.
Cult guys: Good. When Romeo fall in love with Juliet, wetin happen?
Lover guy: Romeo die.
Cult guys: Good. When (name withheld, to avoid stories dat touch) fall in love, wetin happen?
Lover guy: He die.
Cult guys: Good, you wan fall in love?
Lover guy: Nooo, Bros abeg I nor wan fall in love ooo. Abeg!
Cult guys: Good, if you nor wan fall in love, you know dat girl…. Stay away from her.

My people, I wonder wetin my guy go tell d girl d next time dem jam. ‘Baby, you know you are so beautiful. I’m so scared of falling in love with you. You deserve someone better. I don’t deserve you.’ Afraid nor go make my guy yan d truth. In dis case, d truth is not only bitter but deadly.

Jokes in Pidgin English (1) – Names can be misleading!

Nor be name when person bear dey show wetin the peron fit do oh. Sometimes, names can be misleading (dat na Pidgin English?). Those days for school, for my room for hostel we get one Electrical Engineering student. This guy dey read, I mean he dey move stuff. But if we get electrical fault in our room, this guy dey dodge. Our room no light, other rooms get light. Where Electrical Engineer? No where to be found. Hot plate is faulty. Engineer is AWOL. One day, we challenge d guy, ‘Ha ha! Nor be Electrical Engineer u be, why u nor dey help repair electrical faults in the room? D guy say, ‘I learn about the designs. Those problems are managed by local and manual repairers. When I graduate, within few mths of practice, I will learn all those local stuff.’ Hausa man say, ‘tuo!’ My guy if u get light problem, u come put hope on an Electrical engineer friend wen dey learn design, na u know. Darkness may well be ur portion.

If u carry Mechanical Engineer for your car, your car come break down in d middle of nowhere, u come put hope on your Mechanical Engineer passenger, o boy, na suffer oh. Nor think say since ‘mechanic’ is in 'Mechanical', so therefore ur car problem will be handled. Na lie oh. Nor be by name oh. Na by experience oh.

One day, I enter market for Kano, I come dey hear ‘Doctor, Doctor,’ I turn round thinking say na person wen know me. Wen I turn, I come see d original doctor wen dem dey call: one matured man selling drugs, he wear one old discoloured white coat. For em mind, na Doctor abi? The day yanwa go gas, u go know say it’s not by name nor by title but by u know na…. no need to expatiate.

Don’t be misled!

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (08-01-13)

There was this guy named John. He loved using high-sounding words in his everyday conversations. Listen:

Friend: Hello John, how was your night?

John: I had immense glee in my nocturnal slumber.

Friend: John, you look exhausted. How was work today?

John: I’m completely spent in my mundane aspirations to garner a means of livelihood.

One morning, John saw a friend. Listen:

John: Blissful dawn! May your diurnal course overflow with transcendental benevolence!

Friend: John the Grammarian. Same to you! Same to you! Carry go!

Sadly, on one fateful day, John’s house was on fire. He ran out to call for help. He saw some of his neighbours. Listen:

John: Please, kindly assist in extinguishing the conflagration that has beset my domicile.

They ignored him: ‘This guy with em too much grammar (grammarian)’

John: Please, my house has been engulfed with a raging inferno that threatens to pulverize all my lifelong attainments.

He was ignored. When he finally realized the dire nature of the situation and how helpless he was, he shouted:

‘Please, my house is on fire. Abeg, my house dey burn ooo. Help! Help! Help ooo.’

Neighbours: ‘Eh en….. John, so you sabi this one? (So, you can speak this way?)’

A word a day…(08-01-13)!

Not everything you say or write will come out right or make much sense. But that should not discourage you from expressing yourself appropriately. You don’t say, ‘I’m not going to say or write anything at the risk of sounding dumb or stupid.’ Agreed that there’s wisdom in silence; speech is silver, silence is gold. Nevertheless, you can’t tell how dumb or smart an idea is until you spell it out. Hence, we should savour the opportunity to speak our mind. You can never really tell how well your words will be received until you say it out. If you err, that does not necessarily make you bad. It only makes you human. The old saying holds true: to err is human, to forgive is divine.

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (07-01-13)

A young man sat close to a lady in a commuter bus. The man sensed an opportunity to 'catch' a friend; so he greeted the lady and tried to strike a conversation. He asked the lady several questions and the lady would only reply with short answers like 'yes' or 'no'. The guy was confused (interested or disinterested? Am i making sense or nonsense?), so he kept quiet.

After a while, the lady said, 'Are you OK?'

The guy quickly replied, 'I'm fine, thank you.’

Then he thought, 'Not so fast. What does she mean?'

"Is she saying, 'Are you OK?' as in, ‘Are you fine? Are you comfortable? Tourist, are you enjoying the bus ride?'

Or
'Are you OK?' as in, 'Your head correct? Abi you dey mad? Are you well? Did you just escape from somewhere?'

Or 
'Are u OK?' as in, 'Journalist, you don ask your questions finish? Politician, you don talk finish?’ (Are you done with your questioning or talking? Are you a  journalist cum politician?)

This guy was confused the more. He decided to remain quiet, after all there's wisdom in silence.

A word a day... (07-01-13)

We don’t see the wind



but we can feel its presence.

We don’t see God


but we can feel His essence.

The Commonality of Humanity; the Things that make us ONE! (5) – Facial Expressions and Microexpressions!

In these series, I've talked about the things that make us one – the commonalities of humanity. The first was on sleep. That was followed with the series on our common birth, our common blood and our common conscience. I’m writing these series to remind myself and others that no matter how different we may be in our actions, words, cultures, religions and the likes, there are things we all share in common. These things do not support evolutionary theories as some would claim. Rather, they support the fact that we were created by a superior intelligence, one Mind in a one God. In this article, I’ll focus on another fascinating subject, facial expressions and microexpressions.

Wikipedia.org states: ‘Facial expressions are a form of nonverbal communication. They are a primary means of conveying social information among humans, but also occur in most other mammals and some other animal species.’ - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facial_expression

Wikipedia.org also states: ‘There are seven universally recognized emotions shown through facial expressions: fear, anger, surprise, contempt, disgust, happiness, and sadness. Regardless of culture, these expressions are the same. However, the same emotion from a specific facial expression may be recognized by a culture, but the same intensity of emotion may not be perceived.’  -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facial_expression

The import of the above quotes is that we all share similar but not purely identical facial expressions. Irrespective of the causative emotion, we all smile or cry or laugh in the same way, whether you are black or white or brown, rich or poor, educated or illiterate, and so on. If you take a look at the picture of a man in America, a lady in Europe, a wealthy merchant in Asia, a manual worker in Africa, you can tell whether they have the appearance of a happy or sad or angry person. We share similar expressions; although, it may not be wholly identical. Some people may be more overly expressive of their emotions than others. Nonetheless, in the similarities lie our our commonalities.

Microexpressions! Wikipedia.org states: ‘A microexpression is a brief, involuntary facial expression shown on the face of humans according to emotions experienced. They usually occur in high-stakes situations, where people have something to lose or gain. Microexpressions occur when a person is consciously trying to conceal all signs of how he or she is feeling (the person knows how he or she is feeling but doesn't want you to know)… Unlike regular facial expressions, it is difficult to hide microexpression reactions. Microexpressions express the seven universal emotion... Nevertheless, in the 1990s, Paul Ekman (a renowned US psychologist) expanded his list of basic emotions, including a range of positive and negative emotions not all of which are encoded in facial muscles. These emotions are amusement, contempt, embarrassment, excitement, guilt, pride, relief, satisfaction, pleasure, and shame. (Microexpressions) are very brief in duration, lasting only 1/25 to 1/15 of a second.^’ - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microexpression

Essentially, microexpressions are very transient facial or body movements that betray the true intent of someone. It can help tell when someone is lying or withholding an information. Paul Ekman has spent decades doing extensive research in this field and his works was the basis of the American TV series, ‘Lie to me.’ It’s one of the best American series that I have ever watched. In the film, the main protagonist helps to solve crimes by using microexpressions to tell when a suspect is lying. These microexpressions are universal.

This brings me to the subject of the Universality Hypothesis. This was advocated by the pioneers of the evolutionary theory. It advances the idea that since we all share basic expressions; that that in itself supports the teaching that we evolved from animals who also share some form of nonverbal means of communication. I don’t agree with that conclusion. Darwin advocated this theory in the 1870's and since then there has been research into this subject. The irony is that since that time till date there is no evidence of a living animal specie transforming into another specie. What’s the premise of this evolutionary hypothesis? We share similar facial expressions and since they don’t accept the teaching of creation, then it must have been an evolutionary transformation. Can creation explain the similarities in facial expressions? Of course, it does. If different products made by the same company bear some similarities, should we conclude that they evolved from one another? Is it not true and far more realistic and reasonable to say that they were made in one company with one skill set and one set of ideals and objectives? In the same vein, the similarities and commonalities of the human race can best be attributed to the handiwork of a one Mind in a one God. We don’t see the wind but we can feel its presence. We don’t see God but we can feel His essence. We were created in the same way and so we are.