Reflections (3) - “It can't happen to me! The ‘me’ in me is Special.”

In Nigeria, when we build a house, we don't add a fire escape to the plan. Though people lose their lives everyday due to fire outbreaks and their inability to escape from burning houses, and some are afraid of the added cost, others reason, 'It can't happen to me', so emergency plans are not made. Also in Nigeria, many who can afford to, don’t save for personal and family emergencies. Though lives are lost because of inability of family members to pay for needed healthcare and other unfortunate events, many reason, ‘It can’t happen to me.’ Thus a family head will not save for tomorrow. A man has a well-paying job or business. The money flows like water. Will he save for his family? Will he open a trust fund to care for his kids when they are of age? Will he write a will that will ensure his family is well catered for even when he’s gone? Or will he act like the typical Nigerian that will go on to marry more wives and have more children, squandering his money on the pleasures life can offer, all the while telling himself, ‘The money will keep coming, nothing bad can happen to me’ ? A man knows about the dangers of HIV, STIs, unwanted pregnancies and the like, but he sleeps around with no protection. Even though he’s seen others suffer as a result, he’s confident, ‘It can’t happen to me!’ A man has exams. He puts in his little bit. Even though many have failed that exam before, he reasons, “I can’t fail. Failure is not my portion. The ‘me’ in me is special”. All these scenarios beg the following questions: those of us alive today, are we more special than those who didn’t make it to this day? Are we better, more righteous or more faithful than those who’ve been victims of the unfortunate events of yesterday? What’s the basis of the ‘me-too-special’ attitude? If these thoughts or actions are based on faith or religious beliefs, why don’t we act like others who practice same faith abroad? Or is it that our brand of faith is special too?

Let me start by saying that as humans created in the image of God, intelligent beings with the free will of choice, we are special. Every human being is unique and our bodies give eloquent testimony to our Creator. In the same light, in His wisdom, God created us in such a way that we are dependent on other things and other people. We depend on the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat and we depend on others to provide our needs because we can’t do it all. Imagine how the world would be like if we don’t depend on anything or anyone to survive. Thus, the fact that we are dependent makes us amenable to virtuous qualities like love, humility, honesty, wisdom, etc. In a sense, our limitations bestow on us endearing qualities. Yes we are special but also in a loving way we are limited. One of God’s most endearing qualities is wisdom. We who are created in his image have the capacity to cultivate and to demonstrate wisdom. The Online Free Dictionary by Farlex defines wisdom, amongst other things, as “1. The ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight. 2. Common sense; good judgment. 3. a. The sum of learning through the ages; knowledge. b. Wise teachings of the ancient sages. 4. A wise outlook, plan, or course of action.” My emphasis is on point 4, wisdom entails having a wise outlook, plan or course of action, that is, wisdom involves making good plans, planning for the future, preparing for emergencies and uncertainties and things of that sort. The scriptures states in Ecclesiastes. 9: 11,12 (NIV, 1984) , “I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come: As fish are caught in a cruel net, or birds are taken in a snare, so men are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them.” This is the fate of everyman, good or bad. While a good conduct may help prolong our lives and keep us safe from trouble, ultimately it’s not up to us to decide our longevity or the final outcome of our endeavours. Though we can’t help the inevitability of some events in our lives, there is something we all can do: while hoping for the best, prepare for the worst. Prepare for tomorrow. Save for tomorrow. Make plans for tomorrow. Remember, the scriptures says in Prov. 27:11, “Be wise, my son”.

Now, I know many would challenge my earlier sentiments with other scriptures or reasoning. 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV 1984) states, ‘You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God.’ Note that these people are special to God; in relation to God they are unique. Yet they suffer the same fate as man, so from man’s point of view, they are no different. I’m not going into whom God chooses today. But let’s take a look at those whom God chose in the past. Apostle Peter was chosen but while he was alive on earth, he suffered the ills that befell other men and he was killed. Apostle Paul was chosen but he suffered too and was also killed. We know of people who maintain a righteous course of life and still became victims of bitter occurrences. Remember Job. Don’t get me wrong, their lives were filled with spiritual riches and meaning, but in the eyes of men, their fate was no different. Yes, granted, your beliefs and worship can fill your life with love and meaning but that does not except you from the ills of this life. To God we may be special yet in this life we are exposed and suffer the misfortunes of living. It’s not a matter of if but when. So we prepare, so we plan and so we save for the raining day.

Don’t mistake spiritual riches and fulfillment with material riches or physical possessions. One who has a close relationship with his maker is rich toward God. It matters not whether he is rich or poor, famous or unknown, highly educated or not. There are certain fates that befall all men: we get sick, we grow old, we get exhausted, accidents happen, we fall victim to evil plots, and we die. This happens whether we are righteous or unrighteous, good or bad, faithful or unfaithful. Yes, there are things we can control and there things that are completely out of our control. To humbly acknowledge these realities and to be wise in our ways is not lack of faith; it’s an act of wisdom. True faith is not gullible. Don’t mistake a well balanced faith as espoused in the bible with the positive psychology of men. Our faith in God will not necessarily shield us from bodily harm but it will surely help us cope with what life throws our way and it will help us look at the bigger picture: there is a reward for an unyielding faith. 1. Cor. 10:13 (English Standard Version, 2001) states, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” Note that the scriptures did not say that one who’s faithful to God is free of trials or temptations but God will help us endure it. And God has said, “Be wise, my son”.

In the nation of Israel, men were punished who endangered the lives of others. When you build a roof, you put a parapet. You don’t say, ‘It can’t happen to me’. When you don’t save and prepare for uncertainties and emergencies and thus risk the lives of those depending on you, please remember 1 Tim. 5:8(NIV), “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever”. When you don’t prepare for your exams and expect to pass anyway because you are special, remember Prov. 6:6, “Go to the ant, consider its ways and be wise!” When you choose to be reckless, feeling that no harm can come your way, remember, “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty.”- Prov. 22:3 (New World Translation)

Very often when bad things happen to us, we say, ‘Why me?’ It’s a genuinely innocent question asked in the sheer moment of grief. But think carefully about it. Bad things happen to people everyday. When we hear them, we don’t give it much thought, rightly so because we don’t want to get weighed down with sadness; bad things happen too often. Nevertheless, let’s face it. When you say, ‘Why me?’ are you not actually saying, ‘Why not him or her? Why not Mr. A? Why not Mrs. B? ’ Maybe, the best question is, ‘Why? Why did it happen in the first place? Why did it happen at all?’ In the scriptures, God answers the why. For us individuals, He provides comfort and hope. I pray may we never get to ask the sad bitter questions. When we ever get to ask, may He provide the answers!

Finally, don’t be discouraged that bad things happen to good people. Remember for every good deed there is a reward and no bad deed will forever go unpunished. To borrow the words of Dele Giwa, "No evil deed can go unpunished. Any evil done by man to man will be redressed, if not now, then certainly later, if not by man, then certainly by God, for the victory of evil over good can only be temporary”. The mills of justice grind slowly but surely. Be good, but don’t sit around for a reward; be humble, don’t brag about your good. “So YOU, also, when YOU have done all the things assigned to YOU, say, ‘We are good-for-nothing slaves. What we have done is what we ought to have done.’”- Luke 17:10 (New World Translation). Remember, life is a gift. We did not earn it. Ultimately, it’s not up to us to declare ourselves, ‘untouchables’. It’s by Jehovah’ Grace we have life and it is by His Grace we shall keep living.

To Jehovah be the Glory!

Reflections (2) – A man who does not get angry!

Have you seen a man who never ever gets angry at anything? It could mean one of four things:
1. He is foolish.
2. He is mentally challenged.
3. He is a con man. One who has something to hide!
4. He is evil in disguise: pure undiluted evil.
Make no mistake. He is not a good person. A good person will be angry in the face of injustice, oppression, corruption, lies, deceit and other vices. Who is a good person that won't be furious when cheated on by his/her spouse? What kind of person won't get cross in light of a betrayal, heartbreak, disappointment, rejection, and things of this sort? The moment you don't get indignant in the face of the ills of this life, it could mean one of the four things above. Don't get me wrong:
Psalms 4:4: 'Be agitated but do not sin.'
Eccl. 7:7: ' For mere oppression may make a wise one act crazy'.
Eph. 4:24: 'Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state'.
It's called righteous indignation.
Be leery of those who always agree with you, never find any fault with what you do, and too cool to a fault. Don't keep a close friend who would always agree with you. I get scared in a relationship when everything is good and smooth. Too good to be true is a truism. Except one who is mentally challenged, every man expresses his anger one way or the other. The man who always keep his anger concealed in the sight of others will surely seek other means to express it and those means are often more deadly. That's the kind of man who doesn't get angry when he finds his spouse cheating on him only for the spouse and the lover to turn up dead.
Please, when you're truly offended, express your anger in a dignified manner. Pent-up anger is deadly. On the other hand, be worried when you stop being angry at the ills of this world. It could mean you are now cool with those ills.

It’s reasonable to argue that it’s wrong to be the irritable guy who is always vexed on every issue. It’s also right to keep your cool in the face of some challenging circumstances in order to maintain peace and order. Yet, there is a balance that needs to be struck. Neither extreme is good: being irritable or being overly passive. No one likes an irritable man; we don’t feel comfortable around such a person. Yet, it’s a good thing when other people know that you are not happy about certain things. Let it show in your emotions that you are not OK with certain developments. You caught a man stealing your properties in broad-day light. You are not going to smile at him. You are not going to quietly dismiss it. You should express the appropriate emotion that will send him the right message: ‘That is my property, thief’! One of such emotions is anger. Justifiable and responsible anger!

Jokes in Pidgin English (34) Likita (doctor) self!

He get one doctor wen work for North for some years. For North, he notice say women dey quick dey born well well. You go see 20 year old with belle (pregnancy), ask am, ‘Is this your first pregnancy?’ She go smile; for her mind she dey reason: ‘Likita self! Which level? Why you dey underrate me? For my age?’ Then she go talk say that na the 3^rd or 5^th as the case may be.

This doctor come go South. He come dey see a 20-year pregnant lady. Doctor ask: ‘This pregnancy is number what?’ The lady burst laugh: ‘hahahahahahahaha… Doctor doctor, ask wetin dey your mind. Which kind question be that? For my age I look like person wen suppose carry belle? Wen my mates dey go school, dey hustle. If nor be Ekwe with him badluck when put me for this one wen I dey so. Instead of you to ask me whether I go keep or I nor go keep am? You go fit help me remove am?’

Jokes in Pidgin English (33) – Withhold and See!

Funny things wen man dey see! Long ago, i get one good friend wen dey visit me wella. This guy don finish sch; he still dey plan the way forward. Every time wen he visit, if him wan waka, i go give am small change to hold him side, make e nor lost. Anytime i give this guy money he go say, 'Bros, you don start again. I nor dey like say anytime i come here, you must give me something.' Every time i go beg the guy to collect because i reason say he nor get work. Na so the guy dey do like say i dey use my hard-earned money dey embarass am. So one day, i come decide say next time this guy show, i nor go give am kobo. So, wen the guy show, we gist, watch film, eat wella. So wen the guy wan go, i escort am small, say bye-bye, i nor give am anything. O boy, many months don pass, i nor see this guy again. I call am for phone, 'Guy, how far na? I nor see you again. You don forget me?' The guy reply, 'Bros, i dey very busy these days, i nor dey get chance. You know say your place far well well.' Till now, i nor see the guy breaklight. The thing dey pain me. Small test wen i give this guy, he fall break leg. But this strategy dey work o. If you get friend wen na only 'come chop, come drink, come take' e sabi, try this my test. I dey call am, 'Withhold and see'.

Reflections – The Last two standing: Honesty and Humility!

 

Sometimes, all we really have left is our honesty and humility. We are all imperfect. Everyone make mistakes. We cannot guarantee anyone that we won't make mistakes but we can guarantee all that we have the capacity to be honest and humble enough to admit our mistakes. When we err as a husband, wife, child, father, mother, brother, sister, friend or colleague, all we really have left is the honesty and humility to admit our error. When we lose all our possessions, when all our credentials no longer matter, when we lose the beauty and physique of youthfulness, even when we lose a good name or reputation, yes, even at that point we still have the virtue of honesty and humility.

 

Don't look for the perfect friend or person because there ain't. Look for the honest and humble one; the one who can own up to his mistake instead of lying to very your face. When we fail in our exams, trials, temptations, personal endeavours, all we have left is our honesty and our humility to seek for help. We humbly and honestly admit our wrong to God in prayer; for God values honesty and humility. Our friends and loved ones will always cherish our honesty and humility whether they admit it or not. We can't assure anyone that we would always be above board and that we would always remain unassailable in every imaginable way. What we can assure those close to us and others involved in our dealings is the tested and trusted virtues of honesty and humility.

We may not have beauty or intelligence or wealth or fame, but we all have the ability to be humble and honest. It's a choice we can all make. When a man makes a mistake or errs in his way, that maybe unavoidable and even unwitting; but if he lies about it, that is not a mistake. That’s a choice. The greatest of evils are dishonesty (lying) and pride. Those are the things that have and would destroy this world. Make no mistake, there is nothing pride & lies will get you that humility and honesty won't, even better. Some think they can only get what they want by lying. Truth they say, is bitter. While some get away with lies and succeed in what they do, such ones will know no peace of mind. What lies will get you; the truth will get you more. What matters is the way you put the truth: is it with humility or pride? Ultimately, the truth will always win when paired with humility. Remember, even when we lose all we have, we still have honesty and humility. If we lose them, we are finished and done. The two go together. You can't display genuine honesty without humility just as you can't stay humble when you're dishonest. Safeguard your honesty and be humble because when the chips are down that may be our saving grace.

Heb. 13:18: ' Carry on prayer for us, for we trust we have an honest conscience, as we wish to conduct ourselves honestly in all things.'
Prov. 18:12: 'Before a crash the heart of man is lofty, and before glory there is humility.'
Prov. 30:7, 8: 'Two things i have asked of you. Do not withhold them from me before I die. Untruth and the lying word put far away from me. Give me neither poverty nor riches. Let me devour the food prescribed for me'
Prov 6:16, 17: 'There are six things that Jehovah hate; yes seven are things detestable to his soul: lofty eyes [pride], a false tongue [dishonesty]....'

When is the right time to say, 'I'm broke'?

‘I’m Broke!’

We often hear people say, ‘I’m broke’ when they have no money. The issue is: when is the right time to say, ‘I’m broke?’ Before I give the different scenarios where people say, ‘I’m broke,’ let’s find out the dictionary meaning of the word ‘broke’. Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (7th Edition) defines the word broke as ‘having no money.’ Now:

Scenario 1: I’m broke. I meant I have no money at all. No money in the house. No money on me. No money in the bank. My bank account has reached its nadir (i.e. zero, no ‘chin chin’); account is reading: ‘danger’ (red).

Scenario 2: I’m broke. I meant I have no money on me or in the house but my account is loaded. Just that I don’t want to touch or spend the money in the account. It’s my savings. That is to say, ‘I’m broke’ but I have 1 million in my account. (Hope u understand, na example I give o, nor be reality; to avoid stories that touch.)

Scenario 3: I’m broke. I meant I have no money in hand. I have money in a fixed deposit account and I can’t touch it even if I want to.

Scenario 4: I’m broke. I have no money on me, that is no money in my wallet or pocket or bag but I have some dollars stashed somewhere in the house (under the bed, under the house, etc) for insurance or emergencies.

Scenario 5: I’m broke. It does not mean I don’t have money to use. Just that I've reached my baseline or I’m approaching my baseline. My baseline may be 5K or 10K or 20K or 100K or 1 million or above.

Scenario 6: I’m broke. I have money to spend but I don’t have any money to share. Let’s say a friend asked you for money and you say, ‘I’m broke,’ it simply means that you have money for your own personal needs but none to give out.

Scenario 7: I’m broke. I have some money for my personal needs but no money to ‘groove’. No money for ‘jolly-jolly.’ No money to paint the town red. No money to take friends out.

There may be others. But the question is: from your heart of heart, in which of the above scenarios could we truly say ‘I’m broke?’ A penny for your thought, please!

I posed this question on Facebook some months back. Here are the responses are I got:

K.O I seriously think the first scenario! if one is broke, it truly means no money anywhere at all. my own opinion sha!

G. P I agree wt Kay.Shd b d rt thng, but most times we refer t Scns 5-7, esp wen som1 nids our help fnancialy or wen peopl r around. Pretenc, Pity or both. Am also guilty.....'wink'. 'Bankrupt'.....

E. R 4rm my hrt of hrt,scenario 1 is more apt as it justifies d true meaning of bein broke...my opinion anyway.

Is it proper/right to say, 'Come and eat (Come join me at the table) if you don't mean it?

Funny – ‘Come chop’! ‘Come and eat’!

This issue has brought heated arguments between me and my friends back then in school. The issue is: when you are about to eat and you ask the people around you, ‘Come and eat,’ is it out of formality or do you really mean it? There are different schools of thought:

1) It’s mere formality just like when say, ‘Good morning’
2) It’s cultural. It is said that in some cultures, it’s impolite to eat your food without inviting the people around you.
3) It’s hypocritical or insincere to invite someone to join you at the table when you don’t really mean it. You should invite people only when you mean it, because, what if the person(s) decides to join you when in actual fact you don’t want them to. Won't that amount to telling a lie?
4) It’s greedy not to invite people around you to join you at the table.
5) It’s a sign of generosity and kindness to invite those around you to join you even when the food is too small to share.
6) It’s the nature of some who do not like to eat alone. I know a friend who said he does not like to eat alone, so whenever other people are around, he sincerely invites them to join him. He prefers eating with others.

What school of thought are you? Is it one of the above, some of the above, all of the above, or none of the above? This na B.Sc question o. Allow me relate one story:
It happened in UNIBEN years ago. One boy in the boys’ hostel was so hungry and it seemed he had no money on him. So he decided to visit a female friend in the girls’ hostel. When he got there his friend was not around but he met the room-mate. At first he was disappointed. But then he noticed the room-mate was about to eat. This guy thanked his stars for being so fortunate. This guy then offered to wait for his friend who was away. The lady in the room, after serving herself to eat, invited this guy to eat out of mere formality. She thought the guy was one of those guys who play ‘the Big Boy’ even when they are hungry. To her great surprise, this guy not only accepted, he positioned himself to join in the meal. This guy ate and ate and ate. ‘Hunger na bad thing ooo’. The guy threw courtesy and decency to the wind; he ate until he was filled. The girl confessed to her friends, ‘See me, see wahala! I invited this guy out of mere courtesy o. This guy come finish my food.’ So, here lies the question: Was it the right thing to do, inviting the guy to join her when she had no intention of sharing her meal? What do you think is the right thing to do: to invite or not to invite? ‘Come chop, na bad thing?’

I posed the above questions to my Facebook friends sometime ago. Here's a summary of their responses:

S.A -  I don't invite when I know I'm not ready to share. period

P.A - Feel @ home nor mean say mk you break Tv....if i call u come chop nor 

mean say make u finish my food u go use ur mind

M.O - I only invite wen I want to cos I wouldn't want to share "bad-bellely"but cheerfully

J.O - But seriously me no sabi form sha, if i want u to come & join me i'll call u. But if i don't want u to, i'll wait until u go b4 bringing out d food. No be by force.

Z.E.O - But,it's a nice thing eating wit ur friends. Infact, it makes me eat more.

G.P - If I invite u, I sincerely want u to eat wt me. If d fud is small, I'l kip it till u're gon n get somthng else 4 u.

  

Jokes in Pidgin English (32) – New bike, New Wife!

For North na new bikes dey rain (popular). If person work work and em wan show say e don dey arrive, e go go buy new authen bike. E go take am parade the neighbourhood, ‘vaaaaaaan vaaaaan.’ E get one staff for my work, e buy new bike. Em colleagues come gather round dey admire the bike. One of them tell am say, ‘O boy, na to marry another wife now.’ My guy dey smile… I come dey wonder, if person buy new bike, e don acquire the status of marrying a new wife?

 E get one man, he don marry. One day, he tell the wife say he wan buy new bike. Eh eee! The wife say, ‘haaa, you don forget say Mariama never pay sch fees, what of the new cloth wen you say go buy for me…’ Na so this woman dey complain about many many things. If you hear dis woman, you go think say she nor want the husband to buy new bike because of the expenses for the home. Lie lie! My brother, nor be say she nor want the husband to buy new bike ooo, na wetin the husband go use the bike do na’em dey fear her. She know say the moment he buy the bike, use am take tour the full area, the next thing, another wife go come join for her for the house.

Jokes in Pidgin English (31) – ‘By force Inaugural lecture!’

E get one student those days wen things dey hard for school. No money. No foodstuff. Em come go see one of him brosses for help. This bross come take my guy sit down. Bross come start:

‘Youths of nowadays! You people are having it easy now. In our days, we worked hard to go to school. We go to the farm to plant, weed and harvest before we get school fees. We go to the river to catch fish for sale (on and on with ancient personal history)…..

These days, you guys don’t want to do anything. You ask for everything. Why can’t you look for a part-time job to do? You can save some money and start your own small business. You can…. (on and on with heroic business ideals).

You see. You are like a son to me. I know things are difficult but I must tell you the truth. Things are not easy. We have to be humble. We need to be hard-working and industrious. You have to be wise... (on and on with the great lessons of life)

I’m not finding it easy too. My child just finished from so and so. My wife has been ill. My business is not going well as before (on and on with recent personal history.)

My guy dey form listening and nodding as if the gist dey sweet am. Meanwhile, the guy mind dey boil. He dey reason for em mind since:

‘Na waooo. When this lecture go end na? This na by force Inaugural Lecture o. Na small money wen I ask you make you dey give me all this history and lessons. Bros abeg, summarize and conclude make I dey go, I dey hurry. Instead of you to say no money, you dey here dey blow grammer since morning. Shuoo. I nor get money, na quarrel! If I need history, I go carry history book read. If I need lessons in life, I go read Proverbs and other inspirational books. Na waoo. Money good o. If money really dey now, we nor go get time for this tales my moonlight ooo. Well, e go better.’

Bross continue: ‘as I was saying (and on and on it went). Hey, John, John, are you sleeping? You must be tired.’

My guy: ‘yes Bross... I need to go home and rest.’

Thanks for listening! The End!

Jokes in English – Receiving phone calls on a date!

There was this guy who met a very lovely lady. There was a mutual attraction and they got started on ‘something.’ The lady, in order to prove that she was not just there for the taking but that she was in hot demand in town, kept telling this guy of other guys who were interested in her. Fed up with the tales of the supposed competition, this guy told the lady that there is a particular lady who was dying for him but that he wasn't interested. They arranged a lunch date. Unknown to the other, they both arranged to prove their respective claims on that date.

The lady arranged with some of her male friends to call her at the lunch time. The guy arranged with a lady friend to call him during the lunch date.

Lunch time! The lady was receiving calls every 5 mins from her ‘mystery’ guys and each call last few minutes. ‘Hello, John, how’s work? No, I’m having lunch with a friend. OK . Nice day, bye.’ ‘Hello, Chris! Where are you? OK... Are you driving? OK...  When are you traveling to US? OK...  Safe trip when you travel!’ ‘Hello, Joey. What’s that sound on the background? Don’t tell me you are still at the hospital? How are your patients? No, I’m not at home. I’m having lunch with a friend.’

Half way into the lunch, the guy received his own call. ‘Hello, Jane! How are you doing? You’re still at work, I guess! How’s it going? No, I’m out with a friend……’ They talked for 30 mins non-stop. His date was getting impatient and irritated. At long last, the call ended. The lady inquired: ‘Is that the lady you told me about?’ ‘Yeah!’ ‘She must be one rich babe. You guys talked for like forever.’ ‘Yeah, she’s a manager in one these new generation banks.’ ‘Really…? That’s….. hmm….. something.’

Who’s fooling who? Even if the whole world is dying for you, must you flaunt it? Will you marry the ‘whole world’?

A Moment of a Lifetime!

We all have had a moment in our lives that we would always live to remember. That special moment when the earth stood still and the universe became your audience. Yes, that very moment you became the epicenter of the universe. The moment that remains indelibly marked in your heart and mind. That moment he saw her; that moment she saw him, and they both knew that they were meant to be together forever. That moment you stopped in your life’s pursuits and realized that your life has a larger purpose and meaning. That moment you made your life’s dreams come through. That moment you were declared a doctor or lawyer or engineer or the likes of that. Yes, that moment you began your life’s career. That moment you got a promising job. That moment you stepped from the plane and you began a new phase of your life. That moment you stood at the altar, took an oath and swore your undying love for your life partner and then opened a whole new chapter in the history of your life. That moment you held in your hands your own son or daughter, your own flesh and blood that came out of your loins. That moment you realize that things have changed and life will never ever be the same again. We've all had that moment whether you gave it so much thought then or not. Yes, a moment of a lifetime!

There are moments in our lives that deal with sweet and much cherished memories: the moments we achieve new heights and make new accomplishments. The moment we graduate from school. Yes, the moments we acquire the dream career of our choice. The moment we fall in love, get engaged and go to the altar to exchange vows. Also, the moments we have a complete family of our own. Achieving a major milestone in life is a moment worth remembering. Not even the pictures or the stories told can fully convey the exquisite delight we experienced. Yet, as memorable as those moments are, they are not necessarily life-shaking earth moving experiences. Some people may just go through the motions because they are of age and that may just be what the society demands of them at that age. If we take some time and take a quick look at our lives from when we were children, we will remember certain moments that changed our lives forever. I had a friend in secondary school. At the junior level, he was not taking his studies seriously. He was not a dull student but school was not a top priority for him. Then, one day he visited the elder sister who was an undergraduate in one university. While there, he saw undergraduates who were about his age in the university. That was his moment. He suddenly realized that he was wasting away his time in secondary school. He took his studies seriously and today he has attained a lot with his higher education. Though, he had several memorable moments in his life but that was his moment of a lifetime. Some of us had our moments with certain teachers who took special interest in us and guided us in the right path. Yes, we all have such moments.

There are only few of such moments in a lifetime. Sometimes we have one of such moments in our lives. If we are fortunate we may have two or more of such life-changing and life-transforming moments in our lifetime. Our moment may be when we discovered that there is a God who cared about us and who wants us to worship him. I’m not talking about the routine of going to a place of worship your parents or guardians taught you to. I’m talking about that moment, like the Apostle Paul, when you have a personal and spiritual encounter with the God whom you worship. That moment that changed your life forever. For some others, their moment was the day they fell in love. Yes, that exact moment when he looked into her eyes and she looked into his eyes and knew that he or she is the one. You don’t forget it. Even though life may get in the way and sometimes both parties separate for one reason or the other, you don’t forget that special moment you fell in love.

Even the worst of criminals have had their moments of truth. Sergeant Rogers of the infamous ‘Death Squad’ once confessed that of all his killings, there was one he regretted the most: a lady who begged and pleaded for her dear life. Rogers said that left for him he would have spared her but he feared the repercussions of a failed mission and so he did the deed anyway only that he will never forget that moment. He may not have changed his way but at that moment he hesitated and recognized the monstrosity of his actions. Saul in the early Christian times was a persecutor and killer of Christians but on his way to Damascus he had his moment of truth that changed his life forever. Our moment of truth may not be as dramatic as that of Apostle Paul, as he later became known, but it’s real. When we engage in conduct that is unwise and bad, no matter how long or how deep we are in it, there is a moment of truth which we all experience. That moment your mind says, ‘Hey! What are you doing, men?’ How well we turn out after having that moment is up to us. Will we get remorseful, yet move on with the deed anyway like Sgt. Rogers or will be like Apostle Paul and change our entire course of life? To a large extent, the answer lies with each and every one of us. May God help us turn our moment of truth into a lifetime of change! A moment of a lifetime!

No moment last forever, otherwise it won’t be called a moment, but it sets in motion forces and courses that may endure a lifetime if not forever. It is often stated that we should not live in the moment. That said, while not living in your special moment every day of your life, please don’t forget it. If in each and every day, we remember that moment that changed our lives for the better, we would strive to stay on course. If it were possible, frame the picture of that moment and hang it by your bedside. Every day when you wake up, you look at it and you are reminded of that moment of a lifetime and we pray that the Almighty keep us in that faithful course and keep our feet from returning to the old ways. We know it’s not that simple. Life may be too complex for such simplicity. Yet, even a complex puzzle is best handled when broken into simple bits. Yeah, the little things, like a leaven, can make a whole. Have you had your moment? May the memory of it help you stay on course. If you haven’t, don't sweat it, wait on it, when it comes you will know and may the life changes it brings be of good and may it bring glory to God Almighty!

Let me leave you with an excerpt of Shania Twain’s ‘From This Moment’ 

I just swear

That I'll always be there 

I give anything

And everything

And I will always care

Through weakness and strength

Happiness and sorrow

For better, for worse

I will love you

With every beat of my heart

From this moment life has begun

From this moment you are the one

Right beside you is where I belong

From this moment on

(song’s lyrics were culled from www.metrolyrics.com)

A Sense of Humour! A Sense of Balance!

It helps to look at the light side of things. If someone insults you or make you angry, can you look at the funny side of it and smile about it, it can go a long way to ease the tension! When you sense that people laugh at you because of a defect you have, can you preempt them by joking about it? For example, I’m short and dark. If someone wants to pick on me, that will be his first point of call. So, I joke a lot about my been short and dark like, ‘black pot’, ‘black charcoal’, ‘briefly summarized’, etc such that when so insulted that won’t be the first time. Don’t be discouraged, whatever defect you have if you can’t change it then take advantage of it.

What you lack vertically, you can make up horizontally.

What you lack in length, you can make up in width.

What you lack in colour, you make up in contour.

What you lack anteriorly, you can make up posteriorly.

What you lack superiorly, you can make up inferiorly.

What you lack outwardly, you can make up interiorly.

What you lack facially, you can make up verbally.

What you lack in beauty, you can make up with intelligence.

What you lack in shape, you can make up in character.

What you lack in been flashy, you make up with good hygiene.

What you lack in melody, you can make up in harmony.

What you lack in riches, you can make up with a good name.

What you lack in words, you can make up with a listening attitude.

What you lack in speed, you can make up in endurance.

What you lack in privileges, you can make up in wisdom.

What you lack in skills, you can make up with hard work.

What you lack in knowledge, you can make up with humility.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it will be a crime punishable by the appropriate authorities if you lack the features from both ends of the above spectra. For example, you are ugly and yet very dull, my sister ‘no hope o’. You are poor and at the same time have a bad name, my brother ‘e go hard o’. You are short and at the same you are thin like Agbani Darego, ‘na breeze you go be o’. Even if you don’t have the 'killer face', please have the 'killer mouth'. Have you heard someone on radio or phone and you were head over heels only for you to be disappointed if you meet that individual in person? Yes o! ‘She nor get the face but she get the slang (langua).’ Have you seen a man who knows nothing but is very proud? Uhmmm! ‘That na time bomb o.’ There are those that dress fine when they go out, but the inside of their houses is like a dumpster. I remember a young lady from my place. This happened years ago. She heard a lot of good things about me, so I guess she must have conjured up a very interesting image of how I look like, so much so that when she saw me, she was so disappointed that she could not hide how let-down she was. She told me that with all she had heard about me she thought I was this tall handsome guy, not some one who would pass and no one will notice. I was embarrassed but not surprised. I have had similar experiences in the past.

All said life is about balance. The universe bespeaks of a sense of balance. The earth is neither too far nor too close to the sun. The extreme of either scenario is a disaster. God in His wisdom made the earth and placed it in a perfect balance between other planetary bodies. So too, intelligent creatures of God on earth should strive for balance. Even if you are very poor, you can make a good name with hard work, honesty, endurance and perseverance. Even when you lack the desired height or colour or shape, you can make up with good personal hygiene, good manners, working hard in your academics or given career! For persons who seem to have it all, the looks, the fame, the wealth and every thing seems to be going well for them, that is as far as you can see. These individuals if they don’t strive for balance and seek the qualities that would more readily come to those who lack the fortunes they have, sooner or later, they’ll pay the price guaranteed in a universe that abhors imbalance.

Too much of anything is bad. That is a truthful saying because there is no way you will pay so much attention to one thing that other things that are important in your life will not suffer. Take for example, you like going to church to worship God, which is good thing. But if you choose to go to church almost 24 hours in a day, you sleep, bathe and eat there; you don’t have time to study (if a student), no time to work (if a worker), no time for your family (a family person), no time to attend any social functions, other things will suffer and so will you. Jesus attended a wedding, a banquet thrown by a rich man, played with children who would not understand his teachings and still made his ministry of primary concern. He kept a balance. He was not a straitlaced person that everyone dreaded. He was loved. There are those who devote their lives to a career and at the end died very lonely, no family, and no friends. They failed to keep a sense of balance. Such individuals always have their regrets. I’m not saying that one should compromise his values. Far from it! All I’m saying is that we can strike a balance by engaging in other activities that doesn't violate our faith. And in whatever disadvantaged position we find ourselves, we can made the best of it for the greater good. In all we do, it pays to keep a sense of balance and a good sense of humour. Ultimately it pays!

 

Jokes in Pidgin (30) – ATM Palaver!

Those days wen ATM machine come new, we dey enjoy am. Now, ATM machines don spoil.
1. Those days wen you go ATM machine, wen you withdraw money, the machine go give you new sharp sharp freshly minted naira notes. These days, my people, if you go many ATM machine na old dirty money you go get. E get one day wen I go one ATM, the machine come give me old dirty and wet naira notes. Kai! If na bank counter dem give me dat money, I go reject am. What! I look the money, look the machine. I wish I fit push d money back inside the machine and my account go reverse back to the former status. I insult the machine dat day, “See you, na anything wen dey put inside you na’em you dey accept. You nor fit tell the person wen put the money, ‘This money cannot be processed, please enter brand new naira notes’ Na only our side you dey get power, ‘Your account is processing… chachachacha’… ‘ekpa' (fool).”
These days, I nor send whether dem dey deduct money or not, na only ATM wen dey give me better naira notes I dey use. E get some bank ATM wen dey represent wella. One day, I go use one ATM, the thing bring new achabe money. O boy. I reason wetin I wan buy, reason the new notes wen I collect. I come change my mind say I nor go use the money. I go keep am for house take do souvenir. Nor ask me if I don use the money o. I nor fit shout o!

2. Another thing wen dey vex me. You go ATM machine. Put card. Enter password. Click ‘withdraw’ and do every. The machine read ‘Transaction is completed’ but no money come out. Before you know, you go receive text message, ‘so so amount has been withdrawn from your account’ whereas money you nor see. One day I go one ATM. After I do the necessary, the machine say transaction completed but no money come out. Shuoo! Before I say Jack, I receive text message, ‘so so amount has been withdrawn from your account.’ I rush tell the bank security man say I dey withdraw money from ATM, money nor come but my account has bn debited of that amount. The security man say, ‘Try am again.’ What! Make I try am again. If I try am again, e go bring the old withdrawal and the new one together? Uhmmm. Try fire. Thank God na my bank ATM and na working hours, I come enter inside the bank to give someone or anyone a piece of my good mind. E take more than 24 hrs before my account reverse back.
I remember one man wen go one ATM, e withdraw but no money come out. My guy come say make em try am again, em withdraw, nothing come out. And dis guy need money ASAP. The suffer wen dis guy suffer before he get the money nor be small. Once beaten twice shy. I nor know how I go call dis man…….

3. ATM Abuse. Some time back, I went to an ATM machine. There was this long queue. Sorry, I go one ATM Machine, I come see long queue. I come take my position. The guy wen dey my front come dey receive call, ‘Hello, hello, you don send the money, I dey queue for one ATM machine. Abeg, send am before e go reach my turn.’ The guy come meet me say make I help am keep em space for am. Say e dey come, e wan go collect something come back. Shuoo! See this guy, money never enter your account and you dey here dey keep space in front of ATM machine. Na wa ooo. If dem leave dis guy, he go use em ATM Card take collect overdraft from em account.

I nor blame the guy joor. I remember wen I dey school. You know say if you nor get money, you go check all your shirt and trouser pockets whether you use mistake forget money somewhere. That time, if I dey broke, after I don check my room, I go carry my ATM Card go ATM Machine, go check whether I still forget money for my account. You know, you never can tell whether na the left hand wen you take deposit the money for your account make you forget. You know say, people dey say if you use left hand keep something, you go forget am.

That time for school, I dey go ATM Machine like who dey go toilet or bathroom. Na part of the daily routine, because you never can tell whether person use left hand keep money for your account and him come forget to tell you. One day, I broke, I enter ATM Machine, I check my account and lo and behold, there was money, Kudi, for my account. Na one of my people put money and forget to inform me and you know those days, you nor dey get text message alert. You get to go check your account before you receive the ministry of blessings. I thank God dat day for His wonderful works.

4. If you nor get money for your account and you dey go ATM Machine, you go dey pray make nobody dey there so that you can quickly check your zero account waka. That time for school, I go one ATM machine. I know say money nor dey but I just come check my account make em for nor lost. When I reach the ATM, I see some fine fine faces there queue up to use the ATM. O boy, I say if I use the machine and I nor collect money na falling hand, na so I codely form say the queue too long, no time to wait, I comot there ASAP. Somebody dey do ‘si si si’ (whistling to call my attention), I nor look back. I got a reputation to protect. Make I nor fall my rep.

I know say those ATM machines tire for me. I wish dem get artificial intelligence to talk their mind. When I show, even before I put card, the ATM go say, “Shuoo! Bros you nor dey tire self, nor be yesterday you come check your zero balance. Bros, your account is maintaining the status quo. Abeg, comot there, I dey feel heat.

I love Pidgin English Talk Talk (7) - Witchdom!

Funny things wen man don see – Witchdom!

Where I grow up, everything na witch. If you never marry and you don dey old, na witch cause am! If you nor get pikin after years of marriage, na witch cause am. If you fail exam, na witch. If your business nor get head, na witch. If your children wayward, na witch. If person dey sick, na witch. If the person come die, o boy na witch. Every thing witch witch witch, e nor dey finish. Dat is why the witch industry is booming in my place. You get native doctors, herbalist, igbe, and go-betweens (people wen dey claim publicly say dem be witch, if you get problem and you dey suspect one witch, the go-between guy go help you go coven, go intercede on your behalf). Others practice exorcism (those people wen dey remove the witch comot from person body). You still get home videos, TV shows and other programmes on witchcraft. An entire industry thriving on the witch doctrine. O boy, the day wen dem go say, witch nor dey again, many people will lose their jobs.

For my place, everybody na witch. The only person wen dey sure say you nor be witch na yourself. O boy, if you come use mistake dey ugly, black, short, old, your witchie nor get part two. If you use mistake do anyhow, you come carry disease wen dey make body dey swell up, men you are a witch until proven otherwise. Dem go tell you say, if you nor confess your witchcraft, na die be dat. If for one family, people dey die well well, dat family witch get Masters Degree. If you don dey old and you never marry or you never get pickin, your witchie na PhD, because my people say witch wen nor get husband or wife or children, na dat person witch dey strong pass. No body dey ever say so so thing na my fault. Nobody dey claim responsibility for any failure. Na witch neighbour or colleague or relation na em cause am. If road bad, accidents dey happen, na the blood-sucking witches wen dey the area dem go blame. Nobody dey blame govt for bad road accidents. If your pikin stubborn, no body dey consider say sometimes stubbornness is hereditary, dat pikin na witch dem go call am.

Na so wen I first enter school, wen things hard me, I go say, ‘dis witch people nor go let me rest’. Na so so I dey do until one day I come sit down tell myself say, ‘na me dey do myself’. Witch dey on e own, me dey own my own. I nor go blame witch for anything again. If anything bad happen, na me do myself. Na so my people. E come get one guy for school dat time. D guy dey like travel well well. E nor dey stay school, e nor dey read. So exam come, the guy come fail. The guy come open e mouth tell me say na witch cause am. I say, ‘O boy, shut up make person hear word. If you nor get wetin you go talk, blow whistle make bird they listen’. I come ask am say all those time wen you dey travel unko? The guy say na witch dey make am dey travel travel wen e nor dey stay one place. Sheee! Wetin witch nor go fit do. If na so witch get power, all men for don die finish ooo.

E get one teacher wen dem catch, e dey sleep with em student. D teacher say the girl na witch, say she use her witch take seduce am. Ojaaaaaaa! Person don suffer! Wetin witch eye go see. If everything na witch dey cause am, wetin be sin? Wetin be the sin wen you commit and wen you need to beg for forgiveness for if everything na witch cause am? How can someone beg God for forgiveness if his or her failings is caused by withcraft? If we are not responsible for our actions, on what basis shall we be judged? So my people, make we leave witch matter for Matthias. Make we dey talk truth wen go make even the Devil dey shame oo, make e for nor bring quarrel!

Jokes in Pidgin (29) – Olodo (Dullard) Squared and Unlimited!

Those days for school, he get one lecturer when like this word, ‘Olodo.’ It means person when nor know book or dullard (person when dull finish). This lecturer, if he dey teach and he ask student question, if the student nor get the answer, he go ask the student to stand, face the class and say: ‘I am Olodo.’ Epic humiliation! Well, that na small olodo. If you see correct olodo, you go bow.

 

For secondary school, he get one big boy when be olodo squared. This guy enter exam hall, he nor read. As the exam dey go on, he come sight one of em friends when dey hide dey use one textbook do expo. He come tell em friend to give am the book. When olodo collect book, he come ask: ‘Guy, where I go take start; where I go take stop.’ The guy wan Xerox the book (photocopy and paste).

 

E get one olodo for another school. The guy come from a very rich home. A day to exam, he call the teacher wen go set the exam.

Student: Bros, Bros… Which way? How the exam go be na?

Teacher: Hope you are reading. The questions are going to be very tough.

Student: Master Master… to talk truth, I never read oh. How you go take help me na? Just name your price.

Teacher: That is rude and inappropriate.

Student: Master, cool down na. I hear say you don give Janet some expo. I know say Janet na your girlfriend. Abeg, wetin you get for your boy. I go give you 20K (20,000naira) in advance until I see the result.

Teacher: Well… well… I’m just trying to help you, oh. Read assignment number 5, 12, 17, 29 and 33.

Student: Master, master… all those your long long assignment self. Abeg, summarize the answers in small microchips (paper clips). I go come your house come collect the answer. I go bring the dough (money).

 

Olodo wan write JAMB exam. He come dey look for person wen go impersonate am for the exam. He come meet one guy wen dey university. He feel say na everybody wen dey university know book. He say make the university guy impersonate am. Unfortunately, the university guy na Olodo unlimited. Na expo Olodo unlimited take pass enter university. So, exam day, Olodo unlimited come carry HB pencil: aaaaaaaaaa… bbbbbbbbbb… cccccccccccc…

ededededededede… facafacafacade…. bacabacabacabacabacabaca (e be like say na Barca fan!)… Na so Olodo unlimited dey shade toxic answers. When JAMB release results, Olodo’s result was seized. Olodo went to meet Olodo unlimited.

Olodo unlimited said: ‘Don’t mind JAMB, the result was seized because I answered too many questions correctly.’

Olodo: ‘Please, write the answers for me. Let me use it for the next exam. By dat time, I nor go answer all of them correctly. I go fail some.’

Olodo unlimited: ‘Go look for the JAMB past questions and answer. Copy that of last year. Na last year question dem go take set next year exam.’

Olodo: ‘Bros, thank you well well. You too much!’

Olodo Unlimited: ‘Where my balance?’

Olodo: ‘When I pass next year exam based on your advice, I go double the balance for you. If not, you go return the money wen I give you.’