Love in the Air!

The joy in my heart is visible

And my happiness palpable!

I reminisce with memories indelible

Of a friendship that blossomed to a love so adorable.

The hassles of life made it look unattainable

But you showed a resilience that's unassailable.

Oh, May your union be inviolable;

Baskets of blessings immeasurable!

And, May your nuptial knots be unbreakable,

Your vows irrevocable;

Your bond inseparable;

Your tender affections insatiable!

The tale of your love is ineffable;

The kind that the wisest sages found incomprehensible!

This moment earmarks the triumph of an incredible

Love fable

That makes the Canticles tenable.

It’s written with Heavenly inspiration:

‘There are three things

That are too amazing for me,

Four that I do not understand:

The way of an eagle in the sky

The way of a snake on a rock

The way of a ship on the high seas,

And the way of a man with a young woman’

[Proverbs. 30:18, 19 (NIV)]

Greetings as you walk down the aisle!

P.S This is a redacted version of a piece I wrote before. I’m posting this for you and you and you dear lovely friends, colleagues, old classmates and others who have the joys of saying ‘I do’ in the next few months. Even though I won’t be present in person and I can’t mention your names for sake of privacy, just so you know: I love you and you and you and may God bless your unions.

LOST!

I am lost.

Lost, can I be found?

Lost in thought;

Lost in love;

Lost heart waiting for rescue!

Lost dream!

I had an angel, where is she?

Lost mine!

Lost my hearing!

Sing me a song.

Oh no, I can't hear!

Where am I?

O lost one,

Can I find my tent?

Have I lost my sight?

Save me my angel.

Take me in your wings.

Sing me a song.

Lead me home.

 (This piece was written long ago in a moment of sheer distress and great loss. I’m not a poet. I don’t follow literary rules. I just write what I feel inside just the way I like it. )

The issue of Doctors and the Hippocratic Oath (Matters that arose from the Lagos saga)!

Doctors, upon induction into the medical profession, take the Hippocratic Oath. It essentially entails a set of vows taken by a medical doctor. He swears to carry out his duties with the utmost sense of professionalism. This Oath has often been referred to by individuals or groups who have felt shortchanged by medical professionals. In many cases, those calls were justified but in some cases the Hippocratic Oath has been overly emphasized and often misapplied. As for the latter, a case in point was the strike of doctors in Lagos state and their sack by the state government (which was later reversed).

First and foremost, we often forget that medical doctors are human beings first and then doctors second; they are not doctors first and then human beings second. As a human being the medical doctor is first bound by the laws of the land, the laws and ethics of the medical profession come second. The Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria supersedes The Code of Medical Ethics in Nigeria. The decisions of the Supreme Court of Nigeria take precedence over the decisions taken by the disciplinary tribunal of the Medical and Dental Council of Nigeria. The doctor is protected by the laws of the land which guarantees the freedom of speech, the freedom of association and his other basic human rights. He’s also protected by the Labour Laws of this country. Nigeria is a signatory to The African Charter on Human and Peoples’ Rights. Article 3 of the Charter states: ‘Every individual shall be equal before the law. Every individual shall be entitled to equal protection of the law’. Article 4 states, ‘Human beings are inviolable. Every human being shall be entitled to respect for his life and the integrity of his person. No one may be arbitrarily deprived of this right’. Article 9 and 10 states in part, ‘Every individual shall have the right to express and disseminate his opinions within the law. Every individual shall have the right to free association provided that he abides by the law’. Article 15 states, ‘Every individual shall have the right to work under equitable and satisfactory conditions, and shall receive equal pay for equal work’ (Italics mine). Every doctor who is a citizen of this country is entitled to these inalienable rights. The doctor is first a human being and taking the Hippocratic Oath does not make him less human and does not rob him of his fundamental human rights and privileges. Everyone expects the doctor to treat his patients with dignity, respect, and honour, is he less deserving of such treatment in return?

In the same vein, taking the Hippocratic Oath does not make the doctor immune to the ills, the sufferings, the injustices and the corruption that has bedeviled our country for so long. He still faces the tough economic issues and the pressure of making a living in these perilous times. He still has a family to take care of and the bills to pay. He goes to the same market and competes for basic resources like every one else. Sometimes, he pays more for goods and services because the moment the landlord or trader or businessman knows that he’s a doctor, the prices go up. The doctor even pay a higher bride-price; once the potential in-laws learn he’s a doctor, the demands automatically increases. He’s not except from taxation and he pays his dues as a citizen of this country. Taking the Hippocratic Oath does not grant him any more privileges than his neighbour; he’s not inducted into any aristocratic class with mystic powers and protection. If that was the case in the days of Hippocrates, things are a lot different now in our modern civilization. He did not swear an oath of celibacy and/or self-denial like monks/nuns living in a monastery/convent. In any case the doctor faces more pressure than most of his peers. The average citizen has high expectations from his doctor, sometimes unrealistic expectations. Thus the doctor is always under pressure to perform. In the home front, the pressure is worse. Right from the moment he starts medical school, his family and extended family expects him to be the breadwinner of the entire family. So, he graduates with a whole lot on his shoulders. We all expect the doctor to be of best behaviour and to do his job, but how is this possible when he’s poorly paid and his working conditions is a far cry from ideal! Some talk about sacrifices, that the doctor should make sacrifices for the greater good. My friend, sacrifices are over-rated! Sacrifice will not pay the bride-price or the school fees. Sacrifice will not pay the rent or buy fuel for the car or household generating set. Sacrifice will not pay the bills when his wards are sick and they need expert care. The truth is, those clamouring for sacrifices are those who, at the same, are not willing to relinquish any thing that is due them.

To illustrate my point clearly, let me give some examples. If you own a company that provides paid services to the public, you expect to be paid for your services. Now, let’s say there is a hike in the prices of goods and in the cost of transportation of the raw materials you need to perform that paid service, won’t you increase the costs of your services to reflect the new reality? What if some customers agreed to the new price, enjoyed the service provided and refuse to pay the new fee, will you continue to provide that service and run at a loss? Is cutting off that service, no matter how vital it, not one of the strategies you would employ to enforce the new rate? A doctor who owns a private hospital with paid staff and other expenditures expects his patients to pay their hospital bill; that’s the only way he keeps the place running. What if some patients decides not pay their bills? Will he be wrong to terminate providing health-care services to those patients who continue to default on their payments in spite of incessant reminders and warnings? Doctors who work under the government are paid by the government for the health service they provide. They don’t collect money from the patients. Now, if the government promised or agreed to a better pay package for the doctors, and then later the government reneges on paying the new package, what can those doctors do to enforce the new arrangement? They can’t hold the government hostage but they can do what everybody does in situations like this, and that is the withdrawal of the services they provide after adequate warning is given. They earn that right from the point of view of the law and from the point of view of common reasoning.

Many are of the view that when doctors withdraw services, lives are endangered. That is true. That is also true when other providers of government services go on strike. When the Nigerian Labour Congress (NLC) goes on strike and commercial and economic activities are paralyzed, lives are also endangered because there are millions of ordinary Nigerian who live day–to-day from hand to mouth and they stand at grave risk when they are forced to stay at home. When the providers of water, food, electricity, security and other amenities go on strike, the lives of those who depend on those services are put at risk. Sadly, some people feel that the doctors who are on strike are effectively ‘murderers.’ Those persons forget that when an employer who fails to pay his workers as and when due, even when he’s capable of doing so, endangers the lives of those workers who desperately need that money to feed, clothe and provide shelter for himself and his family. When a politician siphons public funds like pensions, salaries, etcera, that individual puts the lives of all those who depend on that money in danger. People don’t just die because they didn’t get the services they need in hospitals. They die when they lack the education to make right choices and decisions. They die when they lack the finance to get basic needs of living: adequate nutritious food, clean water, good housing, etc. They die when they lack insurance to cover them in emergencies. They die when there are bad roads and expensive means of transportation. They die when the nearest health care facility is too far from where they live and work. They die when they go to hospitals that are poorly equipped and lack skilled manpower. Some people keep their sick relatives at home for too long and expect ‘magic’ when they get to the hospital. The whole system is at fault and doctors are not the only guilty party. Always remember that!

The question is not whether doctors are deserving of a better wage. The question is not whether doctors are in need of a better wage. The question is not whether doctors have the right to fight for a better wage or better working conditions. The question is not whether they are justified in withdrawing services as part of the overall strategy to fight for improved working conditions. The real question is, the salary scale doctors are fighting for, is it practicable or feasible? Can the employing governmental agencies afford to pay? Don’t answer that question yet. Look at the huge sums of money lost in the subsidy scams and other financial scandals. Look at the huge allowances allocated to those in the National Assembly and other political public office holders. Look at the huge resources wasted in the endemic corruption and sharp practices perpetrated by government officials and at various levels of authority. The question is not whether the government can pay. The question is do they have the will to pay? Remember, when there is a will, there is always a way. Sadly, they don’t have the will to pay. They keep talking about sacrifices while they enrich themselves and their cronies. They keep referring to the Hippocratic Oath. Those who crafted the Oath could not have anticipated a time when doctors will be poorly treated, intimidated, sacked without notice and forced out of their homes as it happened in Lagos State.

The Hippocratic Oath not only covers the actions of a doctor at work. It also entails his relationship with his colleagues, teachers, and his conduct towards other people in general. That means that a doctor under the oath will not treat others disrespectfully, will not steal or commit an abominable act that will put his profession in disrepute, will not use his knowledge to violate the rights of others or cause harm to others. In the course of his duties, in obedience to his oath, he shows respect to his colleagues, make the wellbeing of his patients of utmost priority, will not ‘allow any considerations of age, disease or disability, creed, ethnic origin, gender, nationality, political affiliation, race, sexual orientation, or social standing interfere with his duties’*. The Hippocratic Oath applies only when a doctor agrees to provide services and fails to carry out that duty with the utmost decency and sense of responsibility. When a doctor enters a contract to provide a service related to his profession, he’s under obligation, as outlined in the oath, to do so religiously. It is not in all cases that a doctor is obligated to render his services. For example, if a doctor is passing by a roadside accident, he’s not obligated to stop and render professional services. But when he does so, on his own accord, he’s bound by ethics and he’s expected to give his best under the prevailing circumstances.* Another example of when a doctor is not obligated to provide services or when he can withdraw such services is when ‘a patient insists upon an unjust or immoral course in the process of his treatment, or (the patient) deliberately disregards an agreement, or fees or expense’. He can withdraw his services ‘on due notice to the patient, allowing him time to employ another doctor’. The Code of Medical Ethics in Nigeria said and here quoted, ‘It is permissible for a doctor to withdraw his services (industrial action or strike) in pursuit of his rights under the Labour Laws of the Federal republic of Nigeria, provided that any doctor wishing to take that course of action must have satisfactory arrangements for the continuing care of his patients and must have given adequate notice of his intention to these patients and to the hospital authorities.’ Under the above circumstances, when a doctor withholds his services, it’s not a violation of the Hippocratic Oath. As I stressed earlier, many will say the withdrawal of services lead to needless loss of lives. That been true, lives are also lost on a daily basis when doctors are poorly paid and the working conditions are a far cry from basic standards. When doctors are poorly paid, many are forced to seek employment abroad with the resultant effect of ‘brain drain’. Others seek locum jobs with private hospitals so that when they close from their places of primary employment, they go to such places to make extra money. Others engage in other non-medical ventures to make ends meet. As a result, he’s often exhausted, stressed out and under such circumstances mistakes are made and patients pay the high price. Over the years, more and more doctors work in 2 or more hospitals in a month. This unpalatable situation is not necessarily a thing of choice. Many doctors would like to have some time to get sufficient rest, spend some time with his or her family and even engage in some recreational activities. Unfortunately, the unfavourable working conditions in the country have forced many doctors to look for additional source of income. So, at the end of the day, when the government chooses not to approve better wage packages, the doctors under their employ will not be able to give their utmost. A lot of economic resources are wasted when workers are fatigued and exhausted under unsavoury working conditions. Economically, the government too is losing what it claims to be saving. It is a ‘lose lose’ situation.

Finally, let us stop hiding under false pretences and vain excuses. Let’s not use sentiments to divert attention from the truth. It is said that everyone is entitled to his own opinion but not everyone is entitled to his own facts. The facts of the matter are plain and open. The Nigerian Medical Association (NMA) should do more to enlighten the public about the pertinent facts of the struggle for better salaries and welfare packages for the hard-working doctors under government employment. This fight won’t be won on the basis of strikes alone. The government at all levels has perfected a propaganda machine created to distort facts and figures and thus sway the public sympathies towards their side of the argument. The NMA must counter this war of the mind with constructive and productive enlightenment initiatives with the goal of making the public more and more aware of who is really on their side. Political leaders come and go, but the doctor is stuck with his patient year in, year out. The most important battles are not won on the battlefields; nor are they won with threats, strikes, guns, armoured tanks or angry looking security forces. The most important battles are the battles of the mind. No matter what you do, if you don’t win the mind and heart of the people you serve, ultimately you will be on the wrong side of history and the battle will be as good as lost.

(Please, note: the asterisked quotes are sourced from “The Code of Medical Ethics of Nigeria” published by The Medical and Dental Council of Nigeria.

I first wrote this article few days after the commencement of the strike and subsequent sack of doctors in Lagos State. This is an updated version of that article.)

Sickle Cell Disease - The Tragedy of Ignorance!

Everyday we hear about HIV/AIDS, malaria and other communicable diseases. Granted, the aforementioned illnesses deserve the best of media coverage because they've been largely responsible for the grim health statistics in Nigeria. Unfortunately, there are other critical health challenges so often ignored. One of these is Sickle Cell Disease (anaemia)! Many Nigerians are now familiar with the disease. That wasn't the case decades ago when the disease, its cause, prevention and management has not been fully elucidated. Yet, with so much known about the disease, the ignorant attitude of many towards the disease is pervasive and heartrending. This is especially so in Northern Nigeria.

When I was a child the stories of the 'Ogbanje child' was everywhere. It made best-selling novels and movies. These are children who were said to die young only to be reborn or reincarnated to die again. We hear of a mother who keeps losing her children at tender ages. Some would lose four, five, six children in the same manner. Nobody knew the cause of the death of these children and so some came up with myths to explain it. Hence, the talk of the 'Ogbanje child:' a child who is wicked and seeks only the downfall of the family. Some were regarded as witches and wizards seeking the doom of their immediate family. Even a convulsing child or an epileptic teenager was regarded as an 'Ogbanje.' So, there were different traditional yet medieval methods cooked up to handle these children. One could only imagine the horror faced by these poor innocent children. Thanks to God: modern science came to the rescue! Many of those children suffered from sickle cell disease, a genetic illness which they inherited from their parents. It was explained that if both parents are carriers of the AS genotype, in every pregnancy, there is a one-in-four chance of them giving birth to a sickle cell disease child. This means while the children of a certain carrier couple will all have the disease, another couple will have carrier children mixed with those who have the disease. These children were derogatorily called 'Sicklers!' More appropriately, they are called sickle cell disease (anaemia) patients.

Are you are a sickle cell disease patient? Do you know a sickle cell disease child? Have you been close to a family with a sickle cell disease child? In my pediatric out-patient unit, about one in every five children I see is a sickle cell child. You will see the sheer burden of pain and stress borne by the sickle cell child or patient. You will see the exhaustion, frustration and anxieties borne by the parents and guardian. You will see beautiful young mothers looking like old women, some even abandoned by their husbands because of the excessive time, energy and resources expended on the care of the sickle cell child. I have seen marriages collapse because of the birth of a sickle cell child. I have seen mothers who forsook promising carriers to take care of their children. I've seen couples who would have been the pride of town been pitied by others because of the toll sickle cell disease has taken on the well-being of their family. Have you seen a child with severe vaso-occlusive crises, acute chest syndrome, et cetera, complications of sickle cell disease that leaves them crying and breathing with pains and much difficulty for long? Why do these children have to go through the pains of sickle cell disease in the 21st Century when it can easily be avoided?

It's not love but cruel injustice to the unborn child if a couple fail to know their genotype or worst still choose to marry when their genotype is not compatible. It's a travesty of true love and a miscarriage of justice! If not for anything else, think of that unborn child whom you are bringing into this wicked world to have an unfair share of its suffering. The world is hard enough as it is, why make it worse for them? Think of the cycles of vicious pains that child will suffer. I have a friend who was in love with a young lady back in the days. He was AS. He later discovered the lady was AS too. My friend started making series of research on the recent discoveries about sickle cell disease and was almost hopeful that he could go through with the marriage. That was until he met a single mother of two sickle cell disease children who lived in the neighbourhood for advice; a woman who was abandoned by her husband because he couldn’t deal with the reality of raising two sickle cell disease kids. When he left that woman's place, he knew much better and he ended that relationship respectfully with the mutual consent of the lady involved. Today, he is happily married to an AA lady (meaning no sickle cell disease gene) with a beautiful and lovely child with certainly no threat of sickle cell disease. If you are young and you are in love, it's a fine thing but think of 5, 10, 20 or more years time when the fairy tale of romantic passions start waning. We often say it's good to plan for one’s future, which is why we do a lot of things like going to school and working hard to make a living. In the same vein, plan for your marriage and your unborn child by knowing your genotype today. Let it be one of the cardinal things that will guide you in choosing a life partner. Please, in the name of the unborn child, do this today!

Sickle cell disease children are born beautiful and lovely like every other child. As he grows up, though some are slow, he can be exceptionally gifted and brilliant. He can be smarter than his peers. He does so well in school. His story is a glorious one to tell until he comes down with a crisis, until he spends so much time in the hospital that it can be called his second home, until that dreadful day when his fragile body can't take the pain no more and he slips away in the cruel hands of death. If you are one of his parents, what will you tell him is the cause of his problems? How will he feel when he grows up to learn that you once had a choice of bringing him into this world a better person but you chose otherwise? Many years ago when I was in medical school, there was the story of a medical student I will live to remember because I had the privilege of seeing him while he was alive. Poor me, I have forgotten his name. He was a very brilliant young man who was on top of his class. He was handsome and chubby. He was everything a young man would dream of save for the fact that he had sickle cell disease. He was in his twenties and about to complete his undergraduate medical training, least to say he was in his prime when he became very sick. He was so sick that he had to be transferred from one teaching hospital (tertiary health facility) to the another. He died on the way. I learnt when friends and colleagues went to pay his parents a condolence visit, someone rose to speak. Short of nothing to say, that person said 'God gives and God takes'. The grieving father asked the speaker to keep quiet. Think of it, God has made it possible for us to know about this disease and how it can be prevented, how anyone can dare blame God for their own wrong choices and undoing!

The story of sickle cell disease in Northern Nigeria! There is prevailing illiteracy and lack of formal education in most parts of Nigeria but the picture is worse in the north for several reasons. There is a burgeoning population in the North with scarce human and material resources to meet the educational needs of its populace. Then, there are the nomadic populations whose occupation warrants them to move from place to place. Aside from education, there are some attitudes and anecdotes in the Northern narrative which are inimical to promoting certain health issues. There is also the issue of consanguineous marriages amongst family members which is common among certain tribes in the north. The Garki Project conducted by Molineaux et al in Kano State in 1979 showed a prevalence of the sickle cell trait at 24.2% in those under the age of one and over 28% in other age groups (http://garkiproject.nd.edu/static/documents/garkiproject.pdf). While the efforts at eradicating Polio are commendable, in my own opinion, sickle cell disease poses a greater Public Health problem than Polio. I pray here that the media, International bodies, NGO's and the government would give more attention to the campaign and effort to stem this disease.

I want to use this medium to pass a message. Even if you can’t change the world, you can surely pass on a message of change. I’m a doctor who’ve seen and managed patients with sickle cell disease. I have friends and colleagues who have and who have lost loved ones suffering from sickle cell disease. So, I’m writing from a professional and a personal point of view. In law, it's often said ignorance is no excuse. In the matter of sickle cell disease, ignorance whether deliberate or not is absolutely inexcusable. An unborn child deserves the best as a gift from God. A newborn child comes to this world with cries of life and smiles of innocence. As he grows older, he expects the world to be the best place to live in. He dreams of a life full of meaning, joy, hope and love. Let's help make every child have the fullest potential to explore the amazing world around him and thus fulfill his dream to the best of his abilities. Know your genotype today and make his world a better place!

A Special Possession - My Pot, Loyalty!

O loyalty,

You were more than a piece of property!

Yes, a companion of immense probity.

You saw me from the grass of poverty

To the grace of prosperity!

You kept our friendship with great tenacity.

I have had my share of vanity

But with you there was no enmity.

Even in tough times, you kept your proximity.

There was no warranty

But even your maker did not have the ability

To foresaw your durability.

You lived through student’s hostel banality,

Held steady against hostel boys’ curiosity,

Scaled the ‘burnt beans’ brutality,

Endured the Sahara Desert’s cruelty,

Survived roadside criminality,

But you enjoyed the ‘I was there’ captivity.

Remember those years when ‘beans’ was a delicacy,

Every student’s necessity,

Even with all the flatulence and hyperacidity!

O, how you provided endearing hospitality

To myriad stomachs that rumbled with hostility!

I have learnt great lessons from your historicity:

The value of humility,

The virtue of honesty,

The ardour of loyalty,

The hilarity of humanity,

The rarity of longevity,

The impermeability of lasting beauty,

The morality of modesty,

And the valour of sobriety!

Even as you age with some forms of deformity

To me you are more than a celebrity.

Amongst other pots, you have no parity.

Do you know such a man?

Let me call him Peter.

A man of enviable character!

He had his failings but was no quitter.

A lot of temptations but he would not be a cheater.

He was slandered yet evil he would not utter.

His girl was slick but he was no jilter.

He was slapped around but he turned no smiter.

The truth is bitter

But he liked an honest reputation better.

He was no writer

But he penned words as cool as winter.

From his beliefs he would not totter.

He was persuaded to be an imposter

But he felt hard work was smarter.

He had the patience of a good waiter,

The humility of a porter,

The courage of a night hunter,

The finesse of a potter,

The strength of a woodcutter,

The skills of a carpenter,

Along with the hopes of an Olympic sprinter.

He had his worries, but he was no drifter.

To the homeless he provides shelter,

To the thirsty water,

To the hungry bread and butter,

To the sad laughter,

To the grieving a thoughtful letter,

Providing refuge in a disaster.

Indeed, he's a morale booster!

A Diamante Princess!

She embodies the outpour of divine grace and favour.

Her face beams with brilliant splendour

As she surges with sublime vigour!

The skin colour glows like shining armour

Untainted by the squalor near her arbour!

When she walks with majestic grandeur

And her hips gyrates in resplendent ardour

My brain was dazed as though hit by an invasive tumour.

She speaks with such flavour and candour

That the tenor of her voice fills me with fervour!

A woman of great valour and honour

Giving succour to those in labour

Yet has a quintessential sense of humour.

Why does her immaculate set of teeth remind me of paper –white pallour

And her adorable hair of the fine horses in a manor?

Each time I saw her, my cheeks get inflamed with calor, rubor and dolor,

While my fingers shake with fine tremour.

I’m mesmerized by her charismatic demeanour

Tantalized by her amazing glamour

And transfixed by her scintillating contour!

Rumour says she is enamoured with a Prince and will soon be made to soar.

O! How i savour the cherished memories of her.

Facial Resemblances – Why does this occur amongst persons who are not blood relatives?

Have you had this experience of seeing two persons who look alike facially and just when you thought they are blood relatives, you are told that they are not? Many of us have. Now picture these scenarios based on eye-witness accounts:

1.  You see a man and a woman who look so much alike that you might mistake them for a brother and sister. Then you are told they are husband and wife or they have been in courtship for some time in readiness for marriage.

2. Someone approached you and asked if you are so and so person. When you say, ‘no,’ he/she would then ask if you are related to someone else he/she knew from somewhere else. After all the descriptions, you realize that you share mere facial resemblances with that individual but you are not related to him/her in any way. You may not even be from the same tribe or region.

3. Stories of someone who died in say Southern Nigeria but some years later, witnesses say that same individual was sighted in Eastern or Western Nigeria alive. Could this be mere facial resemblances and not reincarnations as some people believe?

4. A woman after she became pregnant became very close to a male friend who is not the father of the child. Eventually, the woman gives birth to a child who has striking resemblance with this individual she has been close to. We are not talking of a woman who got pregnant out of infidelity. There are experiences of women giving birth to children who look just like a friend of hers who is not related to her by blood and is not the father of the child.

5. Look-alikes. Over the years, in the world of celebrities, there have been look-alikes who successfully pose as the original celebrity and misled people into thinking they are celebrities. Even politicians and public figures have used look-alikes as doubles in order to avoid a crowd or an assassination. Elvis Presley used look-alikes to distract fans so that he could walk outside his home in peace.

6. If you are opportune to go through the pictures of the over 7 billion people on planet Earth, don’t you think that aside from your blood relatives, you will find someone who looks exactly like you? Chances are that you will find more than one person that could easily be mistaken for you.

Now, how do we explain the above scenarios? Are there researches that can throw some light on the above scenarios? Do we have anything to learn from these observations? First, let’s consider what some have found out in researches that relate to our discourse.

Wikipedia.org (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facial_resemblance) summarizes two researches made by DeBruine, Lisa M. and reported in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences. In the first research, DeBruine opined that facial resemblance enhances trustworthiness. In the study, there was a controlled experiment in which participants showed more trust to those who had the same facial resemblance with them. That means we are more likely to trust someone who look like us. It was also shown that facial resemblance increases the chance of prosocial behaviour. Wikipedia.org states, ‘Prosocial behavior, or “voluntary behavior intended to benefit another”, consists of actions which “benefit other people or society as a whole,” “such as helping, sharing, donating, co-operating, and volunteering.” These actions may be motivated by empathy and by concern about the welfare and rights of others, as well as for egoistic or practical concerns.’ This means that you are more likely to care for people who share the same facial resemblance with you.

Another study carried by DeBruine L. M. also showed that there is some relationship between facial resemblances and attractiveness, although this is not as strong as the earlier study about resemblance and trust. It states that facial resemblance could affect attractiveness for the short-term but had no effect on attractiveness for a long-term relationship. All the same, this could imply that we tend to be more attracted to someone who looks like us.

Another thing worth mentioning is the study of interpersonal attraction in social psychology. Wikipedia.org states that interpersonal attraction relates to how much we like, dislike, or hate someone. ‘It can also be viewed as a force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist their separation.’ It goes on to explain that similarity (like-attracts-like) is a vital determinant of interpersonal attraction and that studies have shown that people are more attracted to ‘look-a-likes in physical and social appearance.’ The principle of self-affirmation was also highlighted. This involves the observation that an individual would like persons who approve of his/her life, ideas, attitudes and other characteristics and thus look for others who are like mirror images of himself or herself to spend his/her lives with. [Please note that all the quotes are from Wikipedia.org.]

So, what can we learn from the above observations and research? Meanwhile, it’s worthy of note that while the above researches throw some light on the reason why close friends or spouses look alike, it does not explain why persons who have never met before and who are not related in anyway share striking facial resemblances. Well, I will revisit this issue in a short while.

Firstly, there is a common observation that many couples or long-term close friends tend to look alike. Why? If DeBruine’s research is anything to go by, it means that ab initio people tend to get attracted to, be close to and trust persons who share facial and physical resemblances with them. That means, couples looking alike tells the story of how and why they are together in the first place. Another way to look at it is, oftentimes, when we see couples or close friends together, we tend to look for the similarities between them. Thus, it could be a matter of perception. It also raises critical questions. Could it be that when two individuals, who are not related by blood but who became very close, undergo psychosomatic changes that make them look alike? Or could it be that when friendship or a marriage union is formed, friends or couples tend to act alike and as such dress, talk, behave and even look alike in the process? Is close association amongst non-blood relatives so powerful to engender changes that make them look alike? Can we then say that show me your friend and I will tell you what you look like? It’s a known fact that bad association could very well have a negative influence. Does it not stand to reason that if we don’t want to look like some persons with bad personalities, we would not want to closely associate with them?

Secondly, the case of the baby of a pregnant mother looking like a close friend of hers may not be a common occurrence but some have vehemently claimed that it has occurred before. I don’t have an explanation for that just as we don’t have explanation for some very common daily experiences. But if that is the case, there is a lesson for would-be fathers and husbands to get close to their wives especially when she’s pregnant. You wouldn’t like your child to look like someone else, would you?

God and one mind. Do you wonder why people who are not related in any way other than being humans look so much alike even when they don’t share the same ancestry or background? Why do I share a resemblance with someone from Northern Nigeria even though I was born and raised by parents who are both of Southern Nigeria ancestry? Why do you resemble that man or woman whom you’ve never met before and while two of you share nothing else in common? Do we really need to wonder afar? Think of this. A car company can make different types and brands of car. But no matter how diverse the type of car made, a car expert can tell if they were made from the same company because there is something in all of them that bear the hallmark of that company. Look at the Nokia phones. No matter the make or series, you can always tell a Nokia phone because they were made by one company with one set of ideas, objectives and goals.

Now, when we see the similarities that exist amongst men and even between man and lower animals, scientists are quick to point to evolution. In their presumed calculations, these similarities can only be explained by evolutionary trends. But, could there be another explanation? When we take a look at the furniture items made by one carpenter and we find so many similarities amongst his works, do we not usually attribute this to the work of one set of hands and to one mind? When arts experts take a look at the works of arts, can’t they tell if they were made by one person by the similarities in the pieces? Don’t all the works of Leonardo da Vinci look alike even after many centuries?  Is it hard to think that the facial similarities we share with others along with other things we share with fellow humans show that we were all created by one set of hands and one mind? We look alike because we were created by one mind. Yes, the Mind of God! In the final analysis, we share resemblances with others around the world because we share a common ancestry with the first human couple created by one mind, the mind of God. He created them and empowered them to fill this earth with humans. Yes, we look alike because, in a sense, we are related.

Why do Ladies Speak better English?

I have often wondered why ladies generally speak better English as compared to their male counterparts. Does it have anything to do with the brain? I decided to do a brief online research. Trust Google to deliver. It’s been shown that not only in English language, females are better in speech and language skills than their male counterparts and this is attributable to the differences between the male brain and female brain.

www.webmd.com talks about how the male and the female brain differ:

1. Israeli researchers found out that the male and female brains show differences as early as the 26th week of pregnancy. Ultrasound scan findings reveal that the corpus callosum, the bundle of nerve tissue that connects the right and left sides of the brain, was thicker in female fetuses than in male fetuses. It’s been observed that in adults, this area remains stronger in females. This may be responsible for the finding that while males use the left side of their brain (just like right-handed people use more of the left side of their brain), females use both sides of their brains for language functioning. It is therefore no surprise to observe the stronger language skills shown by females because the larger the area of the brain dedicated to a particular task, the better an individual will be in performing that task.

2. The area of the brain that is involved in language and fine motor skills (handwriting) mature about six years earlier in girls than in boys. While the area of the brain responsible for math and geometry mature about four years earlier in boys than in girls. Little wonder that generally, the writing and speech of girls are better than their males’ counterpart, whereas boys are better with math and science related subjects than their female counterparts.

3. The brains of males are about 10% larger than the brains of females. It does not necessarily make the male brain smarter. The gray matter (the thinking matter) is 6.5 times more in males than females, while the white matter (which connects various parts of the brain) is 9.5 times more in females than in males. It was also noted that some parts of the female brain are better organized and bigger in volume. This may also lend credence to the reason why females have a more dominant language skill.

4. Women are faster and more accurate at identifying emotions than men. They are quicker at noting facial differences and voice changes. They are also better at controlling their emotions. A study showed that the areas of the brain that control aggression and anger responses are larger in women than in men.

5. Nevertheless, men and women still have a lot in common in the brain. It was shown that a lot of areas are still the same in the brains of men and women. It was also noted that the differences in the brains of males and female are for the best. They are complementary and thus enhance the chances of men and women joining together to achieve common goals.

Also, www.doctorhugo.org/brain4.html presented a research finding:

‘Language: for men, language is most often just in the dominant hemisphere (usually the left side {of the brain}), but a larger number of women seem to be able to use both sides {of the brain} for language. This gives them a distinct advantage. If a woman has a stroke in the left front side of the brain, she may still retain some language from the right front side. Men who have the same left sided damage are less likely to recover as fully.’- From the book, ‘The Essential Difference: Men, Women and the Extreme Male Brain’ written by Simon Baron-Cohen, Director of the Autism Research Centre, Cambridge University. {Parenthesis is mine}

Let me go back to where I started. Females are better in the languages than their male counterparts. Do we have anything to learn from the above? Yes, a lot:

1. Don’t argue with a lady in public, especially the one that is good in English. This reminds of what happened back then in school. Some boys and girls went to get water from a common tap. They formed a rowdy queue to fetch the water. At a point, one of the boys noticed he’s been outsmarted by one of the girls. He felt he should be in front of that girl. Before long, an argument ensued.

Boy: I came before you ‘na’.

Girl: That’s a lie. You met me here. I did not see your gallon when I came here. (The girl was ventilating so fast at per second billing, 120 words per second: cha cha cha cha ta ta ta ta ta)

Boy: em em … (Hesitating, trying to find the right words.)

Girl: ta ta ta ta ta ta (She continued in clean Queen’s English)

Boy: (Noticing how outspoken and fluent the girl was in the crowded queue, he thought of the embarrassment that will result if the argument continues, he kept quiet and stayed where he was. Maybe in his mind he reasons: he who argues and keeps quiet will live to argue another day.)

That was how he gave up to superior verbal prowess. Studies have shown that ladies use their language skills more when they are competing for something, like in the above altercation and that they can easily manipulate information in the process. You know if you not good in spoken English, when you are having a conversation with someone who’s adept at the language, it’s usually a tough battle. You reason what you should say next and the grammatical expressions you will use to convey the message. You have the luxury of doing this in a slow conversation. That won’t be the case if you have to speak hastily like the case cited above.

2. Men who are married or in a relationship can learn a lot from the studies I cited earlier. Ladies are blessed with the gift of speech and language and so often, they put this skill to use. Sometimes it’s so interesting to hear them speak. At other times, it can be such a bore. All the same, appreciating the fact that by nature ladies are generally talkative, can help the man show more understanding and love. That is how they were created! You know when someone is very good at something that individual will always look for an avenue to showcase that talent. For ladies, their gift of speech requires a listening audience. If you are the husband or friend and you don’t provide the audience that she needs, don’t you think she will look for another audience that will show more understanding? If this new audience is a guy who listens patiently and attentively, well, that could be a warning sign of danger.

3. Ladies who are fluent in a language like English are not necessarily bright. They are endowed with the innate ability to learn a language better and faster. That does not readily translate to been intelligent. So, the spoken word may not be the true test of a lady’s intelligence. This point is important for different reasons. There are guys who like ladies that are smart. Some want to marry a lady who’s intelligent (so as to give birth to intelligent children or represent them responsibly in their line of work). If you are in this group, don't be fooled by fluent speech. There are oral interviews that are used as basis for employing workers and some employers may reason that fluency is a sure sign of intelligence. That is not entirely the case. A lady, or even a guy, can be fluent but may not meet up in other aspects of the job. If an employer is looking for a receptionist or PR officer, it’s understandable to look for fluency, but when the job requires certain non-verbal skills, using fluency as an index of comparison, can be misleading. You may have worked in a place where certain individuals are very good in speech-making and yet they are found wanting in other vital skills.

4. Ladies, your speech and language skills is a gift from God. Please, use it wisely. A gift when put in good use, can be a thing of joy to behold, but when abused, it can very damaging to the owner and those around. Remember, too much of anything is bad. Take it easy. It’s not all the time you need to prove your superior verbal prowess. There are times when a few words or complete silence is adorable. Speech is silver but silence is golden. It is said that the differences in the brains of men and women is a good thing. It helps a man and woman to come together and complement one another. They can thus work together to achieve a common goal. A lady has her gifts. A man has his gifts. It’s a thing of great beauty when these gifts are nurtured and used for the betterment of humanity and the good of those around us.

Jokes - "Funny Things We See – The Brain is booting!

Folks! When you fall asleep; it’s like when a computer or phone is put off. When you wake up; it’s like when a computer or phone is put back on. It will take a while to boot. While booting, d system can’t work effectively. Likewise, when we wake up from sleep, it will take a while for our brains to boot. For some their brains boot faster than others. It also depends on how u woke up: suddenly or gradually. The slower you wake up, the more efficient the booting. Allow me cite some funny experiences. Please, no offense intended. ‘Na joke o!’

Fire: There was this single bachelor (forgive my language, repetition for emphasis) who was living alone in an apartment building that has many rooms and co-tenants. Each room is a self-contained accommodation. One day, this guy got back from work tired, exhausted and hungry. He went into d kitchen to make himself dinner. While waiting for the food to be cooked, he decided to lie down on his bed for a while. That was how he fell asleep with his food on fire. Soon the food was burning and d whole room was enveloped with smoke. The smoke woke him up too suddenly. See what happened:
(Brain still booting) He said: What! What’s burning? Kor’kor’kor(coughing)
(Brain still booting) He opened his door and went outside. ‘Who is burning food at this time of the night?’ He went knocking the doors of his neighbours: ‘Who is cooking o? Something is burning.’
(Brain finished booting. He then remembered he was cooking before he slept) ‘What, My food!’ He then rushed back inside his room, entered his kitchen and quickly removed his pot of burnt offerings from the fire and put off his cooking appliance, saying to himself: ‘Thank God ooo! Na so person take dey die.’

Examinations! There was this university undergraduate (I nor call person name ooo) who was preparing for exams. A night to the exam, he studied late into the night. He slept very late (Brain was fagged out.) Exam was to start 8am. My guy woke up by 9am. Listen:

(Brain still booting) He stood up. ‘Waoh! I need to read for my exams tomorrow’ He carried his book and started reading. (His mates were almost half-way into d exams he was reading for)

(Brain still booting) ‘Uhmmm! Let me cram this area of concentration (AOC) that our lecturer gave us.

(Brain finished booting. He then remembered.) ‘O MY GOD! Today is d day of d exam. O mine. What! It’s 9:15am and exam ought to start by 8am. Oh no. Nooooooo!’

He then rushed to d exam hall. Don’t ask me how it ended. Just tell him, ‘Sorry o. e kpele oooooo.’

Thievery! One guy fell asleep after a marathon of hard work. While asleep someone broke into his apartment and made away with some of his valuables. Finally, he woke up.

(Brain is booting) ‘Whoa! I must have slept for hours.’ He said to himself. He then noticed his door was opened. ‘Oh, my door is open. I must have left it opened. Oh, I keep forgetting to lock my door. One day, thieves will come in and steal my things.’

(Brain is still booting) He went to the door to close it when he noticed that the lock was damaged. ‘Locks these days, they don’t last. I have to call a carpenter to fix it.’ He now saw a neighbour passing by: ‘Juliet, please do you know a carpenter around? The lock to my door is bad. I need a carpenter to fix it.’
Juliet answered: ‘There is a carpenter in the adjoining street.’
My guy: ‘Thanks, I’ll go and change so that I can go call him.’
He now entered his house.

(Brain finished booting and he came back to his full senses) While searching for what shirt to put on, he noticed something was not right. His things were scattered all over the place. He suddenly realized someone broke into his house to steal. ‘What! My phones! My Blackberry! My laptop! O my God. (With both hands on his head) Why? Why? Oh Why…….

Don’t ask me if he went for the Carpenter or the Police. Just tell him: ‘Sorry ooooooooooooooooooooo! Such is life o. As far as there is life, there is hope. It could have been worse!’

Every Man should be held to Account!

In 1887, Lord Acton wrote in a letter:

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men (Powerful men} are almost always bad men, even when they exercise influence and not authority, still more when you superadd the tendency or the certainty of corruption by authority.” – Wikipedia.org (Words in parenthesis are mine)

125 years later with all the “advancement,” “progress,” “civilization,” or “technology,” his words still rings true. I have said it before and I will say it again:

“Man is best behaved when he knows that he is accountable to another.”

Yes, man needs checks and balances: a system whereby his actions can be called into account. He needs someone else to tell him that there is a line and that when he crosses that line, he would be held to account. No matter how wise or noble or good-natured a man is, he needs someone else to tell him when and where he has gone too far, otherwise his good assets could become a liability. Moses led the children of Israel meritoriously for so many years but when he crossed a line, he was called into question by a higher authority. Though he was punished by not getting into the Promised Land, Moses was the wiser and better when he was called into account. If Moses had not been called into account at that moment he fell short, he would have gone into a slippery slope and done something far worse than his initial offense.

Let me tell you a story I heard from a friend years ago. It happened in the students’ cafeteria in school. There are many food outlets in one housing complex. The owners of these outlets each had boys and girls that serve as cooks, waiters and the likes. Sometimes, a boy or girl working in one outlet would leave there for another outlet in the same complex, maybe due to change in working conditions, downsizing of staffs or closure. There was this particular girl who left one outlet for another. In her former food outlet, the owner did not enforce strict accountability, the staffs had some liberties. For example, when she is hungry or she desires to eat, she can pick a fried meat from the counter and eat it quickly and no one will notice. But in this new outlet she moved to, the rules were different. The owner maintained scrupulous accountability. This girl was not aware of this, so one day, she was hungry and as before she went to the counter, as she was about picking a piece of fried meat, her co-worker who saw her quickly warned her: ‘Dem dey count am. Dem dey count am.’ This new girl quickly withdrew her hand. You might say that picking a small piece of meat is a minor offense. That said, it’s been written, ‘He who is unfaithful in what is least will be unfaithful in what is much.’ If she was allowed to continue on her course, one day she will come across something bigger and make away with it.

We all need accountability. Even the angels in heaven are accountable to another. The angels are created in hierarchies; it is not far-fetched to reason that this enhances accountability. The angels are free-spirited just like man and they too have a system of accountability. That was why when one of them erred and failed to heed to corrections, he was punished and also all those who chose his path were punished. Accountability is not lack of freedom. Accountability ensures that people exercise their freedom in such a way as not to infringe on the freedoms and rights of others. God is almighty and all powerful, but in his love, he bounds Himself with His standards. Whatever He does is always a reflection of His laws and principles. In the same light, he has put in place and allowed a system of accountability for all his creation, both in heaven and on earth. This ensures order and the universe bears the hallmarks of that order. Those who choose to set aside this arrangement only succeed in ensuring anarchy, discord and untold harm and destruction. No man should be left with no one to account to. Man has and will always abuse unchecked power and unlimited authority. The past 125 years after the words of Lord Acton were written bears testimony to the veracity of his statement: “Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

Just a Thought – The Opinions We Hold!

The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (7th Edition) defines an opinion as:

1. Your feelings or thoughts about somebody/something, rather than a fact. (Synonymous with the word ‘view’)

2. Beliefs or views of a group of people. (Like a legal opinion)

3. Advice from a professional person.

I’m interested in the first meaning of the word, ‘opinion.’ Your opinion about an idea or a subject or an individual is what you feel or think about that thing or person in question. It is not necessarily the fact of the matter. Daniel Patrick Moynihan, a former US Senator, was quoted as saying: “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts.” This underscores the point that facts are facts and yet we hold our own opinions all the same and our own opinions may or may not be in line with the facts at hand. Worse still, there are times when the facts are murky and there is nothing concrete to rely on. Nevertheless, we always hold an opinion of the events and things that confront us on a daily basis. It does not matter whether we express it or not, the fact is we hold an opinion of everything that goes on around us. Put in other words, we all hold an opinion of what goes on around us; whether we express it or not and the manner we choose to express it is a matter of personal choices and principles. Choosing not to express an opinion publicly or even privately does not preclude the very fact that you hold one.

Some are of the view that we all must express our opinions on all issues at all times. That’s not right; human history and common wisdom does not support that. There are times when keeping your opinion to yourself could be a course of wisdom. There are times when it’s not safe to openly express certain personal views and opinions. It’s not thoughtful or loving of anyone to express views that will unnecessarily endanger their lives and the lives of others. There is the right time and place for everything under the earth. Keeping your opinion to yourself can be a lot better than expressing it at the wrong time and/or the wrong place. Every now and then we come across certain individuals who make a negative impression of themselves but they don't need to know how we really feel or think about them at all times. Let’s not forget that expressing an opinion in line with the laws of the land is a basic human right and it is also within the purview of the law if you choose not to exercise that right. At other times, we don’t have enough facts to warrant public declaration of the opinion we hold. Why not take the time to find out more about it and ponder more about the issue and see if it is worth expressing in the first place. Remember, when you openly express your opinion to others about a certain matter, you can’t take it back and if you were wrong, the best you could do is apologize, you can’t un-express it.

Another food for thought is the medium through which you express your opinion and the manner in which you do so. Certain opinions can be safely aired in the company of close family members or friends. Others are expressed at schools or places of work to other students or colleagues. Some others can be shared to a wider audience via social media or other public means of social interactions. Nonetheless, the manner in which an opinion is expressed is all the more important. Bearing in mind that opinions are largely personal views and not necessarily factual statements, when we say it with humility and tact, others who hear it are more likely to be more receptive and then forgiving if your opinion eventually turns out to be wrong or misleading. Yeah, how you say it may be worth more than what you say. At others times, some allow their actions to show where they stand. For example, instead of merely expressing belief in honesty or hard work, they show by their behaviour and attitude where they stand on such issues. So, by the way we live our lives and by our priorities in life, we can make bold statements about where our opinions lie on certain issues. A man can publicly condemn governmental authorities about misplaced priorities and ineptitude while in his own personal life he’s inept and lack the right priorities.

Overall, speech is silver, but silence is golden. It takes great strength of character and objectivity not to respond or express your opinion when provoked to do so. Let’s say, someone insults you and you have long held some negative opinions about that person, it will take a great deal not to say anything and walk away in silence. Jesus was the master speaker but there were occasions when he kept silent in the face of criticism and ridicule. Yet, in silence, he proved that he was a man of wisdom. Yes! It’s a course of wisdom to keep certain opinions to ourselves. We are all guided by some set of principles and rules. Just like someone will choose not to comment on obscene pictures or statements even though he/she holds an opinion on them, others choose not to comment directly and/or indirectly on certain inflammatory sociopolitical issues not because he/she holds no opinion on that matter but he/she, guided by personal principles and standards, opts not to express any opinion at all. Essentially, we all strive to keep silent when there is a greater good at stake. Yes, there are times when silence achieves a lot more than many speeches. In other words, on some occasions, a lot more can be achieved in silence.

While some say that bad things happen because good people choose to keep silent, remember expressing oneself without care or thought or due regard to principles of good conduct can be tantamount to doing what is bad. Also, not all the good in this world was achieved by talking or verbal expressions or overt social activism. A lot have been accomplished by good deeds, proper conduct, hard work, honesty, humility, kindness and the likes. That is, we can fight for a good course in our society by working hard and living by example. We don’t necessarily have to come out to shout on top of our voices while doing something contrary in private. In essence, there are different ways we can express our opinions and those opinions largely reflect on our knowledge, our experience, our beliefs and values. Don’t be quick to judge a man for keeping certain opinions to himself. Take the time to look at the person’s life holistically and you will know and come to realize where he stands even without him uttering a word. Yes, whether we like it or not, whether we say it or not, we all hold an opinion of what goes on around us and whether we choose to express it verbally or otherwise is a matter of choice and principle. I rest my case. Peace!

Resist the Temptation to always correct others!

We all make mistakes. No one is above making errors and no one knows everything. It can be very comforting when these things are brought to our attention by friends, colleagues or family members; we thus endeavour to make amends. Just as much as we love to make amends when corrected, we also feel obligated to correct other people when they too make mistakes. The act of correcting others when they make mistakes can be intuitive and spontaneous; sometimes we don’t give it much thought before doing it. For others, it can be a force of habit. There are people who relish the opportunity to correct others and they actively scrutinize what other people do in order to point out their mistakes. Now, there is a truism in the saying, ‘Too much of anything is bad.’ Many of us want genuine correction when we make mistakes, but no one wants to be admonished at all times. It’s very frustrating when all you hear are the things you did wrong. We already know that we make mistakes as humans but to have someone else rob it on our face at every given opportunity can be very annoying and that can make one feel less human. Thus, even when we are dead right, sometimes it’s courteous and humane to resist the temptation of correcting other people. Let me illustrate this point with the following real life examples:

You are not fluent in English and you are going out it with someone who speaks the language eloquently. How will you feel if that individual corrects every grammatical error you make? ‘Sorry, it’s not ‘is,’ ‘was’ is more appropriate.’ ‘Why do you keep using ‘I shall’ instead of ‘I will’? It’s irritating. You are out on a date and you are afraid to speak because your date has taken it upon him/her to be your English teacher. Instead of your discussions to be an English class, it would be an act of love if we occasionally resist the temptation to correct the other person. Remember, there is the time and place for everything.

You have a colleague at work who always call attention to only the things you did wrong. He/she does not commend you for the things you did right. While it helps to point out what the other person did wrong, especially when the person is new on the job, there are insignificant errors that you can overlooked. When you overlook some inconsequential mistakes, you give yourself the latitude to come in when there’s a serious mistake or when a pattern of mistakes comes to the fore. It also helps to commend other colleagues for doing a good job; so that on the day they do badly, calling their attention to it would be received warmly.

In our interactions on Facebook, Twitter, and the like, sometimes we notice when people make mistakes. You can lovingly call their attention to it publicly or better still privately. But don’t make it a habit. It’s unkind to draw the attention of others to every mistake they make. Even when you are dead right, let some comments or contributions pass on as innocent mistakes or personal opinions. It’s doesn’t help online friendship and interactions if other people see you as Mr./Mrs./Miss Know-it-all. No one knows it all and no one is above mistakes. How often we find we find out that something we had passionately argued about before was wrong in light of new information!

Resisting the impulse to always be Mr. Right is a virtue. There are times when speech is silver and silence is golden. Letting go of some things can be a course of wisdom. Being patient and holding back on some occasions can make it easier for us to think it through and make more research or inquiry to ascertain the facts. Knowledge is not static; it’s dynamic. Some of the things we knew before have changed or evolved. Taking the time to check and crosscheck facts in light of new information can help us make more accurate and appropriate inputs into whatever endeavour we are engaged in. When we are in a hurry to correct others, we might end up looking foolish if we turn out to be on the wrong. You may look smart when you quickly correct others, but you garner more respect and approval when you patiently and responsibly call attention to the errors of others. Remember, a wise man is quick in hearing but slow in speaking. Even when you are right, it’s an act of love to overlook some inconsequential errors! It’s also an exercise in self-control when we resist the temptation to always correct others. A word to the wise: a word of genuine praise is more powerful than a thousand words of needless criticism.