Thank You! I’m Grateful! I Love You! I care about your well-being!

It's a virtue to honestly and sincerely express our feelings of love and gratitude to those we care about and to those with whom we interact on a daily basis. It’s loving to let others know that you do appreciate their kindness, their friendship and love, their gifts, their talents and their humanity. If you like what you see, hear or read about your friends and loved ones, tell them. Even seemingly little things matters. For example, ‘I love your hair!’ ‘Your pictures are cute!’ ‘That's a lovely thought!’ ‘You look beautiful or handsome!’ ‘Congratulations on your new achievement!’ Never assume they know that already; tell them.

God already knows what’s on our minds and hearts even before we speak, but He says in His word that we should open our mouth and tell Him in prayers. In the same vein, what ever goodwill you have for your friends and loved ones, please tell them. Never assume they know. Do it now while you can because no one knows tomorrow.

Think of those little kids who died in last Friday’s deadly shooting in the US. The morning before she left for school, 6-year-old Emilie Parker, one of the victims, told her father in Portuguese (the new language she was learning from her father) that she loves him. Jessica Rekos, 6 years of age, another victim, wrote on her journal some time before that fateful day, ‘I love you so much momma, love Jessica.’ Just think about that: What if they had waited? What if they felt their parents already knew they loved them? What if? What if? Let it not be, ‘Had I known…!’ More importantly, they learnt how to say these things from their parents. They heard it all the time. (I sourced the victims’ accounts from ABCNews.com)

It feels good to be modestly appreciated. Every human being, young and old, wants and needs sincere and heartwarming appraisal, done without flattery. Even a baby in the womb can sense appreciation. Wikipedia.org states: ‘Numerous studies have found evidence indicating a fetus's ability to respond to auditory stimuli. Research at Zhejiang University, China indicates that fetuses at term cannot only hear, but also distinguish their mother's voice from others.’ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neonatal_perception) So, you can talk and sing to your unborn child. Tell them how much you love them right from the womb and also from the moment they come into this world. How do we welcome a loving guest to our home? Is it not with loving expressions and gratitude?The babies can’t respond in kind but they hear us! A well trained animal pet like a dog knows when he’s been appreciated. They can feel the love. How much more a human being!

Let me use this opportunity to say this: Thank you, my friends! In case I haven't said it before, hear it now: Thanks for been a friend and I love you and you and you. I’m grateful for the privilege of being your friend. I’m grateful for everything you've done for me and with me. Words would fail me to recount them all. Your names, too numerous to mention; your kind acts, too many to enumerate. I’m not the perfect friend, but you stuck with me any way. I may have let you down on countless occasions but you kept the faith in our friendship.Thank you for the things for which i'm grateful and thank you for the things for which i'm thoughtful! May God keep us and protect us. May we live long in loving friendships and may we cherish and use every single opportunity to say: Thank you. I love you. Yes, you dear friends of mine!!!

- Dr. Eugene Akponojivi Ojirigho.

To a Land of Promise!

‘Promise Land, how does one get there?’ You may wonder.

Some got there by crossing the Niger;

Some others came from across the border;

From afar, some saw the land from yonder.

A land that offers hope and order;

A land of milk and honey-filled sweetener!

A place of commerce and legal tender!

Some came to bid, others came for the plunder.

Everyone came: from an officeholder to a shareholder;

From a plumber to a builder;

From a pay loader driver to a freeloader!

Will this land live up to the hype or will it be a bummer?

A man came to this land as a settler;

He was willing to work his way to be a stakeholder

In order to live his dreams and prosper.

There was no disappointment or blunder;

The land lived up to its name and founder.

Before long, he became a jobholder.

Thereafter, he became a cardholder and a landholder.

At the turn of the years, he was a key holder

To many properties and interests; indeed, a sure leader!

The story soon had its ups and downs like a changing weather.

The fairy tale was shattered by the sound of thunder.

The air was thick with smoke and smell of gunpowder.

The settlers shuddered in disbelief and anger

The whispers of fear and dread grew louder.

‘What’s happening in Promise Land?’ They ponder.

As time passed by, many gave way to pity and surrender

For they soon realized that they had no defender.

The struggles of men and their hopes were put asunder.

“This is the final bus-stop. Wake up from your slumber.”

He was awoken by the bus conductor in a bad manner.

“It was just a nightmare,” He thought in relief and good cheer.

To his surprise, he heard the familiar voice of an elder:

“Hello, Son! How was the Promised Land?” This voice was tender.

But to him that question was no appetizer.

Promise!

Jokes in Pidgin English (2) – You wan fall in Love? (Remix)

Those days for Uniben! E get one guy wen dey go out with one girl, professing undying love, ‘I will die for you’. My guy nor know say the girl original boyfriend na one top cult guy. You know girls wen dey like to keep their options open, in case yanwa gas for one end. When the cult guy hear say one guy don fall in love with em girlfriend, d guy arrange some of em boys make dem go handle d girlfriend lover. Na’em dem hijack lover boy go one corner. Dem give d guy pep talk:

Cult guys: When Adam fall in love with Eve, wetin happen?
Lover guy (confused): Adam commit sin
Cult guys: No, wetin happen to Adam last last?
Lover guy: Adam die.
Cult guys: Good. When Romeo fall in love with Juliet, wetin happen?
Lover guy: Romeo die.
Cult guys: Good. When (name withheld, to avoid stories dat touch) fall in love, wetin happen?
Lover guy: He die.
Cult guys: Good, you wan fall in love?
Lover guy: Nooo, Bros abeg I nor wan fall in love ooo. Abeg!
Cult guys: Good, if you nor wan fall in love, you know dat girl…. Stay away from her.

My people, I wonder wetin my guy go tell d girl d next time dem jam. ‘Baby, you know you are so beautiful. I’m so scared of falling in love with you. You deserve someone better. I don’t deserve you.’ Afraid nor go make my guy yan d truth. In dis case, d truth is not only bitter but deadly.

Jokes in Pidgin English (1) – Names can be misleading!

Nor be name when person bear dey show wetin the person fit do oh. Sometimes, names can be misleading (dat na Pidgin English?). Those days for school, for my room for hostel we get one Electrical Engineering student. This guy dey read, I mean he dey move stuff. But if we get electrical fault in our room, this guy dey dodge. Our room no light, other rooms get light. Where Electrical Engineer? No where to be found. Hot plate is faulty. Engineer is AWOL. One day, we challenge d guy, ‘Ha ha! Nor be Electrical Engineer u be, why u nor dey help repair electrical faults in the room?’ D guy say, ‘I learn about the designs. Those problems are managed by local and manual  repairers. When I graduate, within few mths of practice, I will learn all those local stuff.’ Hausa man say, ‘tuo!’ My guy if u get light problem, u come put hope on an Electrical engineer wen dey learn design, na u know. Darkness may well be ur portion.

If u carry Mechanical Engineer for your car, your car come break down in d middle of nowhere, u come put hope on your Mechanical Engineer passenger, o boy, na suffer oh. Nor think say since ‘mechanic’ is in 'Mechanical', so therefore your car problem will be handled. Na lie oh. Nor be by name oh. Na by experience oh.

One day, I enter market for Kano, I come dey hear ‘Doctor, Doctor,’ I turn round thinking say na person wen know me. Wen I turn, I come see d original doctor wen dem dey call: one matured man selling drugs, he wear one old discoloured white coat. For em mind, na Doctor abi? The day yanwa go gas, u go know say it’s not by name nor by title but by u know na…. no need to expatiate.

Don’t be misled!

Funny – Made in Naija!

Some days ago, I went to a supermarket for shopping. I bought some Titus Sardine. When I got home I kept them in the refrigerator. This morning I was so much in a hurry to get to work because I was running late. I needed a snap breakfast. Then I remembered I have Titus sardine in the fridge. When I opened one can, O boy, I was surprised. It looked different. It was then I decided to re-examine the cover of the can. Instead of ‘Titus,’ I saw ‘Titis.’ Waoh! Naijaaaaaaaa! Titus is now Titis. God have mercy. Don’t ask me if I ate it, oh. That's over-sharing!

Sometime ago, a friend bought Mouka foam in the market. Feeling good, he slept on his Mouka foam till morning. In the morning when he woke up, he noticed that the foam has flattened. He waited to see if it will spring back, no way! He decided to re-examine the foam. Instead of MOUKA, he saw UMUOKA. Naijaaaaaaaa.

Imagine that phones are produced in Nigeria, we will see names like
- Sam sungu
- Enokia
- Suny Emekasson
- Omotorola
- Toshibe

Dis count-tri heeded by Goodrock Ibele Joratan, which revel? Na so we go dey dey like edede everyday so tail we don get fake Aso Rock? If you see ‘Welcome to Asu Rock,’ O boy, make sharp reverse oh, otherwise ur tory will no be told in Uvation. I rest my kase oh!

Funny - Back in the Days!

Years ago while on my matriculation groove, the ‘staylites’ (as opposed to the Jambites) were singing: “Matriculation nor be convocation; matriculation nor be convocation; matriculation nor be convocation; somebody go kpai.” At that time I felt: “Who cares? Let’s celebrate today’s joys and face tomorrow’s problems when it comes.” Anyways, years later I understood the full meaning of that song. ‘No be small thing o.’

‘See, na joke! I nor dey oh.’ There was this guy, he was a staylite. He had a younger brother who was a Jambite. They went to a convocation ceremony together. Before they left home, they agreed on a code of communication:

1^st class degree = I too know

2^nd class upper degree = I pass them

2^nd class lower degree = I am loyal

3^rd class degree = I don’t care

Pass = I was there

Fail = The Devil is a liar.

When they got to the ceremony, they went inside the Auditorium.

Jambite pointed to some guys grinning from molar to molar, Staylite said: ‘I too know.’ Jambite pointed to some sitting close to the podium, Staylite: ‘I pass them.’

Jambite looked behind him, Staylite: ‘I am loyal.’

Finally, they came out. Jambite saw so many people with convocation gowns standing outside taking pictures and partying. Jambite: ‘Why are they standing outside when the actual ceremony is going on inside? Staylite: ‘I don’t care.’

At the back of the Auditorium, Jambite saw a group of boys and girls. They were praying, singing, binding, and exorcising. Jambite pointed at them. Staylite: ‘Stop staring at them. The Devil is a liar.’

Things you see that make you feel amazed! (Compilation of 1 – 3)

1. While shopping in an open market in Kano, I walked by an elderly lady. She was all smiles. I wondered what was making this old lady so happy. She was clutching a brand new transistor radio to her chest. Apparently, she just bought it and felt so delighted about her new acquisition. ‘Is it not just a small radio set?’ You may wonder. Well, if I buy that same radio and send it to my elderly aunt in the South, she may not share the excitement of this woman I saw. It got me thinking:

Our happiness is not determined by the (material) worth of the things we own; rather our happiness is derived from the value we place on the things we own. – My Reflections.

2. I traveled to the South a while ago. It was a long road trip. Scared of having a running stomach, I did not take breakfast before l left for the park. When we got to Kaduna, I was so hungry but I was too scared to eat because I had an unpleasant experience the last time I traveled that long. Some hours later we got to Abuja. My stomach was rumbling and I was much at unease. When we stopped to get fuel, I bought snacks and a drink. I did not eat them right away. I just kept them with me. Even though I had not eaten, when my body recognized that food was available and it was just a matter of time before I eat I became at ease and felt some relief. It got me thinking:

Sometimes what we need from our friends and family is the guarantee that they will be there for us when we need them. Even though they may not be present with us in person, but knowing that, God willing, they will be there for us when we need them is reassuring. The assurance that no matter where the highs and lows of life take us, we will have our close pals to stand with us, pray for us and help us through trying times. We don’t see God but knowing that He is always there for us is a most comforting thought. - My Reflections!

 

3. Still on my long trip to the South: When we got to Auchi and Ekpoma, some passengers disembarked from the bus. The driver picked new passengers along the way; much to our dismay (you can’t tell who is who that late in the night). There was this young man that boarded the bus. He came in and just kept to himself. He was so quiet that my discomfort increased; you know what they say, ‘It’s always the quiet ones.’ When we were about 15 mins drive from Benin, our vehicle broke down in the middle of nowhere. ‘ Hmm!’ The Driver and the rest of us were at a loss on what to do except for this young man. This guy took control of the situation. He was making suggestions on how to fix the car, and relating personal experiences on situations like this. Eventually we hailed another bus to tow our bus to Benin. The driver was so appreciative of the young man’s help that he thanked him repeatedly for the rest of the journey. It got me thinking:

You cannot tell the worth of some individuals until there is an urgent problem that needs to be solved. Great men are not only known for great speeches but are also known for doing great things in spite of great odds. - My Reflections!

My Reflections (Part 2)

- Our happiness is not determined by the (material) worth of the things we own; rather our happiness is derived from the value we place on the things we own.

- It is wise to speak less of what you know because, amongst other reasons, by so doing you humbly and quietly acknowledge the fact that there is much more than what you know and that there’s a lot more you need to know.

- For every truth, there is a lie once told (or said) about it.

- Looking good is good practice but doing just as well or even better in other areas of your life is good living!

- You cannot tell the worth of some individuals until there is an urgent problem that needs to be solved. Great men are not only known for great speeches but are also known for doing great things in spite of great odds.

- Sometimes, our nightmares are hard reminders of our worst struggles. In a way, they speak to us: Remember how far you’ve come and whence you came.

- If you understand the ‘why,’ you will not forget the ‘how.’ The trick to remembering the ‘how’ and the ‘what’ is grasping the meaning of the ‘why.’ When learning a new subject, one of the most crucial questions is: ‘Why?’

- While no one has it all, some certainly have it more. Nonetheless, what is more important is how well you make use of what you have. More often than not we focus on what we don’t have rather than on what we do have. Instead of asking, ‘How can I get what I don’t have?’ why not ask, ‘What can I do with what I have? How can I make better use of what I have now?’?

- If love is not real and true love does not exist, then why do heartbreaks hurt so much?

- Sometimes we all make foolish mistakes. That does not make you a fool. It only makes you human. The way we respond to such mistakes is what counts the most. Our reaction matters more because at this point wisdom and foolishness part ways.

Marriage Issues Redacted! (Compilation of long boring marriage jokes! ‘Na Course? How many credits?’)

See! Na Joke O! I meant to say: ‘It’s a Joke.’ Marriage Issues! (Part 1)

Marriage is a great thing. It’s a great institution. It can be said to be one of the best gifts given to man. Well, just like a great tool can be put to good use, it can also be put into a funny use. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! (dat na laugh?)

There are different kinds of marriage (marriage na marriage, which level; abi na wi...

tch level?) depending on what led to the marriage.

1. Love-induced Marriage. This is the kind of marriage that occurs when the man falls madly in love. He was so much in love that he quickly did introduction, white and grey marriage and the whole package. He didn’t realize what was happening until he woke up after the wedding night. He woke up and saw a wedding ring on his finger. ‘It can’t be.’ He then went to the bathroom and washed his face so that he can see clearly. Then he saw his wife. ‘Ejiro, what happened?’ ‘You are now a married man.’ ‘What! I thought I was dreaming.’ ‘Dream ke. Abeg commot from road. I wan baff!’

2. Age-induced Marriage. Lizzy was in her thirties and was still single. Anytime she gets to her mother’s home there was always a chorus waiting for her. ‘Lizzy, you know you are not getting younger.’ ‘Lizzy, you are not getting younger.’ Fed up with the mum’s rhetorics, she hatched a plan. She paid off one infamous local tout to come to her mum’s house to ask her hand in marriage; all in pretext. On the arranged date, the guy came up to Lizzy’s mum and asked for Lizzy's hand in marriage. After a while, the mum came to see Lizzy. ‘Lizzy. Lizzy.Lizzy. How many times did I call you?’
‘Mummy, you know I’m not getting younger. I love him. I want to marry him.’
‘Lizzy. That’s why I came. I accepted Bomboy’s request. We’ve even fixed the date for payment of bride-price.’
‘What! Mummy, you can’t do that. It’s April fool.’ (It’s play us dey do oh!)

3. Facebook-induced Marriage. Once upon a time, if a lady wants to encourage her ‘guy’ to step up (man up), she would drag him to attend her friends’ weddings! These days, no need for that: we have Facebook. Biodun loved Dupe but Biodun was not taking the relationship to the next level, I meant, ‘to the permanent site.’ Any time Biodun visits Dupe, Dupe will open her Facebook page. ‘My dear, look at these pictures. So lovely, that’s Mary and her husband. Mary and I were classmates in school. Oh, I love this one. Look at the ring, splendid.’
Another visit: ‘Come! Come. This is Sandra. She was in the same class with my baby sister. She just got married. Waoh!’
Another visit: ‘Come and look.’
‘Dupe, I brought you a present.’ Dupe hopes were up. Biodun then brought out a brand new Blackberry phone. ‘Oh, oh oh….’
‘You don’t like it?’
‘No, I like it. It’s very womanly.’
(In Dupe's mind: Ode, Blackberry and engagement ring na de same thing?)

See! Na Joke O! I meant to say: ‘It’s a Joke.’ Marriage Issues! (Part 2)

4. Pregnancy-induced Marriage. This type is not difficult to diagnose. You see a guy who arranges wedding and marriage (what’s d difference?) ‘sharp sharp’! It’s happens so fast that you can’t catch your breath fast enough.
‘James, how are you?’
‘John, I’m good. I’m getting married tomorrow.’
‘What! I didn’t know you were pl...

anning on getting married.’
‘We made the decision yesterday. No time to waste. Time and tide waits for no one.’
(No worries, few months later John understood why? Time was really of the essence. 9 mths nor be joke!)

5. Green card-induced marriage. Simple. When you see a 60 year old 200pounds 6.5-foot tall white lady getting married to a 25 year old 50kg 5-foot tall Nigerian man (na hunger cause am), you don’t need a prophet to tell you how. That is what we call ‘arrangee’ marriage.

6. Juju-induced Marriage. One Italian man woke up in his house one morning and saw a wedding ring on his finger. He freaked: ‘Cosa! (meaning ‘what’)
To his surprise a black lady walked up to him in his bed-room. ‘Calmare.’ (meaning calm down). ‘Have you forgotten? We just came back from Nigeria where we did our traditional and white wedding. You are now my marito.’ (meaning husband)
The Italian man screamed: Dio mio (meaning oh my God) and fainted.
‘il mio amore, svegliati.(meaning my love, wake up) The honeymoon has just started.’

Marriage Issues! Are you Serious? No, I’m kidding! (Part 3)

7. Food-induced Marriage! Men choose their marriage partners for lots of reasons. Some do it based on the cooking talents of the would-be bride. Not bad. (Who nor like better food! Better food nor be only better money kill am; better wife join.) There was this man named John who traveled to his village. There he met a lady who prepared h...

im ‘correct’ local food. After eating the food, he was head over heels for this lady. He kept imagining marrying her and eating those kinds of meals everyday for the rest of his life. Eventually, he married her and took her to the city. What he did not know was that cooking was one of the very few good attributes the lady had. On the other hand, she was quite disrespectful. She was a local Hulk Hogan (she get muscle) and she treated the husband like her child. John was too afraid to contend with her. (make him for nor collect beating.)
‘John, eat your food and leave me alone!’
‘Welcome back. How was work today? Pull off your working clothes and take a shower. Your dinner is ready. Make sure you wash the plates oh!’ (Johnny go to school)
‘Shut up and eat your food. Talking, while eating, is a bad habit!’
John then met a friend who was looking for a wife to marry.
‘John, I will like to marry a woman like your wife who knows how to cook very well.’
‘Peter, let me give you an advice. Don’t make the same mistake I made. If you want to eat good food in your house, hire a good cook. At least, you can fire her whenever you like.’

8. Getting married to celebrate a success! There are people who get married as a way of celebrating a success. Get a new job, marry a new wife. Win an election, celebrate with friends; hold parties with enough food and drinks and then top it with a new wife. Win a new contract, marry a new wife. There was this man who made it as a rule; if he wins a big contract, he rewards himself with a new wife. So, one day he won a fifty million naira contract. As usual, he arranged to marry a new wife. In the course of the party held a day before the wedding, he got a call. ‘Sir, we are sorry to inform you that the contract has been revoked in light of recent developments.’ When the man heard that, he fainted. He was rushed to the hospital. When he woke up, his friends came up to him and asked him what the problem was. He said: ‘My enemies are after me.’
One of his friends said: ‘Don’t worry; you are getting married to a new wife tomorrow. She will help to console you.’
‘No oh, I’m not marrying her again oh! It’s bad omen to collapse a day before your wedding. Please, call off the wedding.’
(bad omen ko, bad omen ni; bad contract unko. Talk truth make Devil hide!)

Marriage Issues! Are you Serious? No, I’m kidding! (Part 4)

Marriage Made in Nigeria! Nigeria is a big and diverse country. Nigeria is diverse on issues like marriage.

Eastern Nigeria: In the East, everything has monetary value. So too are potential brides. The monetary worth of a bride is proportional to her educational qualifications and the amount spent in raising her. The bride–price of a se...

condary sch. certificate holder is higher than a primary sch. certificate holder. That of a Diploma holder is next in ranking. After that you have in ascending order: B.Sc. holder; M.Sc. holder; MBBS holder; PhD holder and so forth. There was this 40-year old Ibo man who wanted to marry a highly educated Ibo lady. He saw a lady he liked and went making enquiries on how to get the lady. He was told: ‘Una. She is a professor with OND, B.Sc., M.Sc., and PhDs.' When this man calculated her worth, he reasoned: ‘This amount of money can buy me two shops in Onitsha, two big plot of land in Owerri, and I can also use part of it to erect one complex of 10 rooms that I can place on rent. Una, I’m coming. I’m still a young man.’

Western Nigeria: I love the Yorubas. They like parties. They do 10-days marriage:
-Engagement party.
-Introduction party.
-Pre-Traditional wedding party.
-Intra-Traditional wedding party.
-Post-Traditional wedding house party.
-Bachelor party.
-White Wedding reception party.
-Post-Reception house party (where the Kpedu dey happen).
-Thanksgiving party (after the religious Thanksgiving service).
-Appreciation party (for all those who contributed to the marriage).
And this is just the beginning of the marriage. Let’s not go into the yearly anniversary parties, naming ceremonies, graduation from nursery sch., primary sch., secondary sch., parties (except if you want to write an encyclopedia!). There was this man that was invited to one of the above wedding parties. The party was so intense that he asked, ‘How many weddings are going on here?’ Someone told him: ‘It's one wedding. Relax, this is just the beginning (na the acting part we dey, the film never start)!’

Some other parts of Nigeria:
One man woke up one morning. ‘Oh, I have joint and bone pains. It’s like I need a new wife.' (This na original Panadol extra!)

Another man woke up. He started planning his day: ‘Go to work. After work, go to the market. Buy new cloth. Marry new wife. Greet some friends. Be back home by 8pm.’ (easy, no yanwa!)

Anyways, Nigeria is a very interesting country. In Nigeria, a song goes like this: ‘anything you find oh, you go see am oh. If you love me, I go love you.’
(Marriage don start! You go fear na!)

{Please note: the above piece is mere fiction made for a good laugh and has no bearing on anyone I know. The names and characters were all made up. Eugene A.O (‘any work?’)}