Our Limitations make us who we are!

There are times we earnestly wish we have super-powers that can make us do good things that are considered impossible from the human point of view. If you are a doctor and you are faced with a very difficult emergency and you are at the verge of losing your patient, at such times, you would wish you have supra-human abilities to restore your patient to good health. If you have a beloved family member or close friend who is in critical danger, you would wish you had powers to do the impossible and save your loved one. When you are running late for a very important appointment or engagement and you are stuck in traffic, you would wish you had the ability to grow wings and then fly to your destination. When we are faced with disappointments and unforeseen events, we would wish we had the power to see into the future. ‘I wish I knew there would be a mishap, I won’t have sent him on an errand,’ you would say. Recently, in the Florida, USA, 36 year old Jeff Bush was in his bedroom when suddenly the floor caved into a sinkhole and he was swallowed alive. Jeremy Bush, Jeff’s brother tried frantically to dig him out and failed; he had to be pulled out himself by rescue workers. Jeremy said he heard his brother calling his name but he could not help him. He would wish he had more powers.

Well, sometimes we do the seemingly impossible and we perform heroics in daily life that defy common knowledge and experience. Yet, on many occasions the best of human efforts may not be enough to save the day and at such times we would wish we had extra-ordinary abilities. From these instances, some would raise questions like: ‘Why? Why aren't we created or made with the abilities to do more? Why don’t we have the eyes of eagles so that we see much further? Why don’t we have the smell sense of dogs and perceive dangers quicker? Why am I limited in my ability to use my brain? Why can’t I do more: fly like the birds; disappear like the wind and materialize at will; jump down heights like a lizard; swim endlessly like fishes? Yes, we may wonder why we are not more independent and have more control on our lives. We may ask why we have to depend on other imperfect humans to meet many of our needs. Why can’t we just do it all?

It’s important to note that our limitations are different from our imperfections. The scriptures show that the first man was created perfect but in a good way, he was limited. He had a perfect body but that body was limited to depending on oxygen in the atmosphere and to depending on food provided by the trees and crops around him. He needed water to survive. He got exhausted and felt the need to sleep. He could not live alone as he was later given a wife to complement him. He was not a jobless loafer who had it all; he was given the job of naming animals, procreation and raising a large family, and helping to cultivate and expand his abode. He was perfect but he also had to depend on other people and things for companionship, friendship, and other basic needs of life. And this was a good thing. His limitations made him amenable to developing qualities that would endear him to others. He had love for his wife who loved him in return. He had to be humble and seek help because he knew he could not have it all on his own. He learnt the rules of co-existence and boundaries: he knew certain things were wrong and that there were consequences to his actions. He had to learn because there was so much he did not know and so many things he needed to know. There was a large fountain of knowledge around him: amazing earthly creatures and breathtaking natural sceneries. The limitations he had made him a more lovable and endearing individual, husband and partner. It made him the kind of man who could live in peaceful and loving harmony with other beings. He had a free will to make choices and also had a conscience to guide him to making healthy choices. That conscience reminded him of the consequences of his actions. Much later, he acted on his own accord to break the rules of the co-existence between him and his creator. He then suffered the consequence of his wrong actions and became imperfect. Imperfect in that he now had the tendency and propensity to sin and make wrong choices. He was now prone to making errors and mistakes which were not part of his previous perfect make-up. He became imperfect but he was not made that way. He had limitations from the beginning but his imperfections were of his own making.

Jesus was perfect but he had his limitations too. He was born as a child with no knowledge of whom he was or where he came from. He was a blank slate and was just like every child. He was defenseless on his own. He needed what children would need today. He needed loving parents who would feed, nourish, train and protect him. They taught him how to read, write, listen and learn. He needed food, water, clothes and a home. Even as a grown adult, he still needed those things. He was perfect, not prone to errors and mistakes like other men, but he was limited in his earthly form as a human being. Don’t get me wrong, as an adult man entrusted with the duties of conveying God’s message on earth, he had supra-human powers that could avail him of a lot of things. But, he exercised restraint in the use of those powers so that he could go through the length and breadth of human experiences and thus was more in tune with the human emotions of happiness, surprise, fear, sadness, pain, anger and the likes. He was actually hungry and tired on occasions. He actually felt the need to sleep. He felt the pain, the agony, the raw emotions involved in all the travails he went through in his earthly existence. The limitations he had and those he chose to exercise made him a better human being and that enabled him to be a more loving, caring, and understanding messenger here on earth.

Let’s go back to the first man on earth. Now, imagine that the first man had no limitations. Imagine he could do it all. He was emotionally contented and self-satisfied. Hence, he did not need companionship, friendship or kinship and thus did not need to develop qualities of love, kindness, mildness or graciousness. He had control over his respiratory system and needed no air from the atmosphere. He could live in isolation and avoid contact with the outside world. He does not need to clean up after himself. He could live in any environment: air, sea, land; and at any time he pleases. He does not need food or some particular kind of food; he could make do with anything: soil, metals and others. He does not need to pass out his waste or excrete waste products in such a way that would require him cleaning up and keeping his environment hygienic and safe. He does not need to develop good hygiene and practices that would keep him and his environment in good working order. He does not need to develop the qualities of peace, wisdom, strength and the knowledge required to live in harmony with other humans and living entities in his environment. He is self-sufficient and self-reliant. He’s independent and fully in control of everything around him. He could easily tell the future and thus, does not need the qualities of good planning, foresight, humility and others that are involved in securing a happy and rewarding future. Just imagine that for a minute. It’s a fact that the more powers and abilities we possess, the more independent we tend to be. Yes, the less our limitations, the less we feel the need to belong to a family or community or group or nation; or abide by certain rules and regulations. Imagine we could do all that. How cold and bitter and unloving this world would be.

 Picture a world where we can individually take care of all our needs. We don’t depend on others for anything. We have our own plantation where we grow the food we need. We have our own home stocked with all the things we would ever need. We can go to wherever we want with our mode of transport: no need for any form of public transport.  Let’s say we can procreate on our own. No need for male and female union. We are emotionally contented: no need to seek companionship or friendship or kinship. No need for communities or an organized group. No need for any governing authorities or security forces. We are capable of securing our own safety and well-being. We are individually equipped to live a wholly independent and self-serving existence. Yet, as human beings, we are part of the earth’s ecological make-up. We are part of the cycle of living existence. Think of the way the earth is structured. The trees take up the carbon dioxide we expel from our lungs and they in turn bring forth the oxygen that we need to survive. There are numerous examples of the interdependent symbiosis between living and non-living entities in this world and this helps keep our world in good balance. This relationship also exists among humans. We need each other. But what if the world was just like what I just described. What if we are so powerful that we don’t need each other? That would be bad for our collective existence. As bad and as imperfect as this world is now, the fact that we need one another helps to promote our existence. No human can take care of all his needs. Take food as an example. Some are farmers and they cultivate the raw ingredients we need as food. Others are involved in transporting this food to storage facilities and markets. There are also marketers who are responsible for bringing these items to consumers. There are governmental authorities who put in place rules and measures to ensure the safety, availability and affordability of these food items. There are communities that rear and produce livestock while other communities produce crops and edible plants. Each community makes items that other communities need and as a result, different communities depend on one another. They make concessions, sign agreements, and make peace with one another in order to benefit from one another. As individuals, we recognize the value of others because we need them to help provide vital goods and services that we can’t achieve on our own. We have physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological and social void that can only be filled by a mutual relationship with other humans and other living creatures. We were made in such a way that we depend on others. We are limited in the things we can do for our own well-being and that compels us to seek and work towards a cordial and harmonious relationship with others. If we were not made with needs that can only be served by others, it would be difficult for us to develop qualities like love, wisdom, humility, kindness and other endearing qualities that ultimately make it possible for us to live harmoniously with others.

We are limited in our physical abilities. We can’t walk or run a long distance without getting tired and exhausted and so we depend on means of transportation made available by fellow humans. We have hands that can do a lot of things. It can carry loads of items but they are limited in what they do or carry. So we get machinery that can help us lift heavy and delicate items. We can communicate our thoughts in speech but we are limited by how far our voice can go and how much and how far our ears can hear. Hence, we need a medium that can convey our messages over a short and long distance: speakers, letters, fax, phones, radio, television, internet and others. We also recognize our bodily frailties. Hence, we realize the need to take care of our bodies, take good nutrition, exercise, learn about our health and wholesome lifestyles, seek medical assistance, make savings, get insurance and make efforts to make the best of our limited existence. In order to achieve these goals we depend on other people and thus, we are more willing to listen to others, engage in constructive discussions and seek more ways to ensure our well-being.

Men have gifts and special skills in music, writing, arts, sports, entertainment, while others are blessed with a keen sense of innovation, creativity, leadership, speech-making and a lot more. No human being has it all. While we share a lot in common with others, we are individually unique. If we are gifted, it’s almost always in a particular profession or field of interest. Few people are gifted in many fields of human endeavour and even those individuals are limited in other areas as well. An individual who has a gifted voice often need an equally gifted instrumentalist, songwriter, manager, and others to produce soul-stirring music. A good painter needs the tools made by an ingenious inventor and discoverer. A gifted athlete often needs a brilliant coach to nurture and groom those talents into a successful career. Yes, we are only so gifted; we do need good teachers from our early school days to spot and nurture certain talents we display. We also need parents that would provide a loving home and support. We need others like coaches, teachers, marketers, entrepreneurs, and agencies that would provide the enabling environment needed to develop and nurture those talents. Whatever gift we have, our limitations as human beings make it’s necessary for us to develop qualities like hard-work, discipline, humility and others; we are better off with these qualities and as a result the world around us is a much better place.

There is one unique feature of our limitations. No human being was self-made. We were born or brought forth into this world with the help of others. We did not create ourselves. No human being alive now evolved from a plant or lower animal or from any inanimate object. We did come from outer space. This very fact is humbling. No advance in human science or knowledge could dispute this miracle of fertilization and birth. More importantly, we did not grow into full adulthood in the womb. Rather, we were born into this world as loving and beautiful creatures, yet weak, defenseless, fragile and completely dependent on our parents or guardian for nourishment, clothing, shelter, emotional support and other things needed to ensure our growth and development into adulthood. When we were born, our brain was like a clean slate. Even though we developed some basic senses right from the womb like hearing and we could thus hear sounds from the womb, when we came out into this world, we needed others to help us develop communication skills.  We needed others to teach us about the world around us. We needed support to learn how to move around; learn how to read and write; how to acquire food, water and clothing; and how to be part of humanity! We came into this world with no skill set or the requisite knowledge needed to survive. We thus needed parents, guardians, teachers, instructors, counselors, coaches, friends, and others with whom we interacted on a daily basis to help us gain the right skills and knowledge.

Today, people talk about the erosion of privacy and family values with the advent of easy internet connectivity, social media, new apps, smartphones, camcorders, webcams, and the likes. More and more persons are getting access to vast amount of personal and private information and data of other people. Many complain about losing their privacy. Now, imagine we live in a world where people had super-hearing abilities. You could hear whispers from far away. We have microscopic and telescopic vision. How would that bud well with the quiet moments we like to share alone or with our loved ones! How comforting to know that we could speak our heart to a trusted friend or professional confident that the information is private and no one could listen in. It would be terrible if we can’t do that. Do we really want microscopic vision to see the millions of germs in our environment with our bare eyes? Sometimes, when we chance upon an ugly scene, do we not usually wish we did not see it and if possible that such scenes could be expunged from our memories? Even in the age of space satellite, we still have and cherish our privacy. Humans are curious by nature but there are things nobody wants to see or hear. We would prefer not to see or hear or even know about some very bad or painful events. We are usually grateful when we are spared some bad news. We are better off not knowing everything.  We feel safe when we know we can run from danger knowing that the enemy is limited in the degree and extent of harm he/she could cause. We feel safe knowing that the enemy can’t grow wings to fly, can’t disappear and reappear at will, can’t just materialize in our living homes and can’t just cause us harm whenever or wherever he/she so pleases. No matter how powerful or talented or evil the enemy is, there’s always a limit to how much harm he/she can cause. We are better with our natural limitations.

Let's be grateful that God, in his infinite wisdom, limited our abilities. Just imagine we could read other people's minds. How bad would that be? What could go wrong? Sometimes, we wish we could read the mind of a would-be killer and protect ourselves and others from harm. We wish we could easily tell when a man is lying or scheming to do something bad so that we can take steps to protect ourselves. When we have this wish, let’s remember something else. How grateful we are that other people can’t read our minds. We come across lots of people every day, some we like and some we don’t like but we feel safe with the knowledge that they don’t know what we are thinking. Even when we love someone, we are assured that our secret is safe with us until we are ready or until when it’s proper to reveal our inward thoughts to that person or someone else. Don’t we feel violated and our privacy invaded when an unauthorized individual gains access to personal information that we thought were private and confidential? Even when our friends or loved ones look through our phones or messages without our permission, we get upset. We respect the privacy of others because we expect them to respect our privacy in return. How we cherish private moments when we shut out the world outside and have refreshing rest; confident that no other human can peer into our privacy at will. So, when we’re exasperated by our limitations, like when we can't prevent harm from coming to someone we love, let's remember the harm that others can do were they empowered to fly, read minds, become invisible, and the likes. Let's not blame God that we're limited but let’s be grateful for the amazing qualities we possess and recognize that there is a higher goal and purpose in our collective existential limitations! Indeed, we are better off with our limitations.

Short Fiction – Darlington and his wife!

Let me tell you a story. It’s a plausible fictional story. Take it as a parable that’s meant to drive home a moral lesson. There was this Businessman who was a chronic bachelor for many good years. He was a great cook and one of his favourite pastimes was going to the market, buying fresh food items, cooking and enjoying his meals. He likes having fresh edible ingredients. Hence, he knew the fish market, the goat meat market, the abattoir for fresh cow meat, the fowl joint where he buys live chicken, and then gives it those who will slaughter it in his presence. He also knew where to get fresh vegetables and all kinds of fruits. So, instead of eating out, he looks forward to his meals. When you see him, he had this plump and healthy look. His business was doing fine as well. It was a very sweet story until he got married.

At a point he felt it was time to have a family, so this man now in his forties went home to get a wife. This lady didn't know her husband was a great cook. The marriage was more or less arranged by the couples’ parents. Now a married man, our friend decided to hands off kitchen affairs. After a while, he noticed the wife spends far more on cooking than he did as a bachelor. The wife was also spending so much money on clothes, jewelries and other costly items. Meanwhile the wife was a stay-at-home wife. My friend wanted to have children ASAP because time was not on his side, so he had asked the wife who was a graduate not to work. He endured the wife’s excesses in the hope that when the children come along, things will change. Unfortunately for him, the children did not come soon enough. All of a sudden, there was a high level of insecurity in the city where he lived. Many businesses, including his, suffered. The money was no longer coming as usual. The stress was showing on his physique; the once plump man began to lose weight. All the while, the wife was not wise enough to see that the tide was turning. She was still demanding and spending as ever. To her, it was business as usual.

One day, things came to a head. After a very bad week of business, he decided to take the weekend off to relax at home. He gave his wife money to prepare one of his favourite meals. The wife said the money was not enough. He became upset but he didn't show it. He took the money from the wife. He asked the wife not to worry. He now went to the market himself, just like his old premarital self. After buying all the necessary food items, he got home and prepared the meal himself. He then set the table, dished the food and invited the wife to join him. After tasting the food, the following conversation ensued:

Wife: Whoa, D, this food is delicious o. I didn't know u knew how to cook like this. D, please you should be doing this more often o.
Husband: Now that you have mentioned it, I've been giving it some thought. I've decided to be doing this more often. As a result, I’ll be spending less time at work. Since you won’t be doing the cooking, I've also decided that it is time you start working.
Wife (interrupting): Hey D, I was joking o.
Husband (letting out years of repressed anger): Look Cynthia, don’t D me. I’m not the letter of an alphabet. My name is Darlington and please don’t interrupt me when am talking. You have a degree in English. The proprietor of the school nearby is my friend. I've called and he agreed to employ you as a teacher. Instead of using your English to impress the neighbours, you should use it to impress your pupils and students. And henceforth, whatever you earn from your job is what you will use to buy any personal items you want. My advice: spend it wisely. Don’t worry about food and other household items; I’ll take care of them.
(The wife could not believe her ears.)
Wife: honey, you can’t be serious!
Husband (raising his voice): I’m the head of this house and the decisions I make is final.

Friends, to cut the long story short, life never remained the same again in the household of Darlington and Cynthia.

Reflections (7) – Short Notes (Part 3)

Lance Armstrong

I was one of those who believed that he did not cheat his way to success. Think of it: How would a man who beat cancer and shone against all odds be a cheater in sports. Well, surprise surprise, as he admitted eventually at the Oprah Winfrey’s interview, he doped and cheated in all of his 7 Tour de France wins. Maybe, just maybe, he could have won without cheating. But now, we will never know. He will never know. Sometimes in life, we have great opportunities to prove our true worth; to gain the refreshing satisfaction of working hard and achieving honest and well-deserved success without cheating or cutting corners. If we miss that opportunity of showing what we truly are and what we can really achieve, we would have missed an enormous opportunity: we will never know if we could have done it on our own natural abilities. What ignorance!

The Bolt Phenomenon!

William Shakespeare wrote in the Twelfth Night:

“Be not afraid of greatness:
Some are born great,
Some achieve greatness and
Some have greatness thrust upon them.”

Borrowing from such words of greatness,
I humbly submit:

“While many achieve greatness,
A few define or redefine what greatness is!”

Usain St. Leo Bolt is a sterling example of those who’ve redefined what greatness is. The typical
100 metres sprinter is of average height and stout built. Tall, lanky Bolt does not fit the profile. Yet with a height of 1.95 metres (6 feet 5 inches) and slim built, Bolt defied the odds and rewrote the science of athletics in becoming the fastest man alive. Like the Brazilian Ronaldo de Lima in the heyday of his football career, Bolt is nothing but a phenomenon that is still unraveling. Kudos to a legend extraordinaire!

On a side note, let me say this: ‘I’m not remembered because I did everything right. I’m remembered because I did not allow the fear of being wrong or the fears of failure deter me from doing what I thought was right.’

Reflections (6) – Short Notes (Part 2)

We learn from our mistakes/experiences!

There are times we are ridiculed because of an apparent lack of experience in performing a certain task. But, we should not be discouraged or dejected. When we learn from our mistakes, we are wiser and better off. We all started from somewhere. Whatever skills you have now, you learnt it from somewhere. You were not born with it. At the beginning we all sulked at the things we did. For instance, remember when children learn how to walk and how to talk. As we grew older, remember how we learnt reading, drawing, riding a bike, etc. How many times we failed before we became better? But we persisted and later became masters of the craft. I remember there were things I did that once aroused laughter but when I do the same things now they arouse applause of approval. So, do you sulk at what you do now? Do people laugh at you as a result? Don't be deterred. Persist without letup. Someday, you'll be the 'Oga' (Master) of the act.

You the one that is so proud and pompous because you are good at what you do, ridiculing others for their ineptitude, remember you were not born with those skills; once upon a time, you were just like the inexperienced one, a neophyte so to speak. Remember, someday the student will become a teacher and may even be better than his teachers.

So, we are not giving up. Tomorrow we won't make the same mistakes we made today. Yes, God willing tomorrow will be better.

On a side note, what makes us human is not being the best of who or what we are, what makes us human is the mistakes we make. Every man makes a mistake. If there's one who doesn't make a mistake, that one is not human. What matters more is not trying not to make mistakes but what you do with the mistakes you make. The best of men are those who learn from their mistakes, not those who don't make them. After all, it's often said that to err is human, but to forgive is divine.

Jokes in Pidgin English (38) – My Pot, Loyalty!

Prelude - Funny things wen man dey see! E get one pot I don dey use for years. The pot has travelled with me from Hall 3 to Hall 4 to Medical Hostel, follow me graduate, enter bus with me take cross River Niger come North, follow me do house-job, even now when man don dey turn chronic M.O, the pot still dey with me. Other pots have come and gone, this particular one has been loyal. Hence, I give am nickname, 'Loyalty'. It has been a loyal companion, through thick and thin. The pot don burn food a million times, the last time, e burn so tail, I lose hope. But still, the thing still let wash; now it's still strong, hale and hearty. Recently, Loyalty come do wetin surprise me. Me, I dey like rice wella and boiling rice has been the primary function of loyalty.

One day, I rush come back from work to watch football match but I dey hungry, so I rush rush wash rice, put am with water inside loyalty. I put on stove but because of rush I forget to put loyalty on top of the stove. So I dey watch match, dey look wristwatch, dey calculate how long my rice go take done. After 15mins, I go kitchen to check how far. To my surprise, stove dey on but nothing dey on top. 'O boy, I don mess up'. Out of annoyance, I say make I go throwaway d rice. When I touch d pot, d pot dey hot. I open pot see say rice don done, well cooked with salt and every. O boy, I surprise. I look round, how manage, na only me dey this house, abi e get one witch wen dey follow me stay this house on my behalf? To my greatest surprise, Loyalty yan/talk:

'Bros! You dey shock. All these years, every day rice rice, you nor dey tire? So tail, today you forget to put me for fire. So I come decide say make I put myself for fire. When the rice don, I put myself for ground. Oya, come chop rice.'

O boy, fear nor make me chop the rice o, to avoid stories that touch. Anyway, I have decided to retire Loyalty with national honours. He has been more faithful to his job than some national award holders!

I dedicated this poem to Loyalty:

A Special Possession – My Pot, Loyalty!

O loyalty!

You were more than a piece of property!

Yes, a companion of immense probity.

You saw me from the grass of poverty

To the grace of prosperity!

You kept our friendship with great tenacity.

I have had my share of vanity;

But with you there was no enmity.

Even in tough times, you kept your proximity.

There was no warranty;

But even your maker did not have the ability

To foresee your durability.

You lived through student’s hostel banality,

Held steady against hostel boys’ curiosity,

Scaled the ‘burnt beans’ brutality,

Endured the Sahara Desert’s cruelty,

Survived roadside criminality,

But you enjoyed the ‘I was there’ captivity.

Remember those years when ‘beans’ was a delicacy,

Every student’s necessity;

Even with all the flatulence and hyper-acidity!

O, how you provided endearing hospitality

To myriad stomachs that rumbled with hostility!

I have learnt great lessons from your historicity:

The value of humility,

The virtue of honesty,

The ardour of loyalty,

The hilarity of humanity,

The rarity of longevity,

The impermeability of lasting beauty,

The morality of modesty,

And the valour of sobriety!

Even as you age with some forms of deformity,

To me you are more than a celebrity.

Amongst other pots, you have no parity.

Jokes in Pidgin English (37) - Problem dey o!

If you see big man with fine well-starched and ironed clothes sit down for bus attachment; hmmm, that nor be manage o. Na problem be that.

If you go buy akara and moi-moi, the woman wen dey sell akara, come give you complementary card, hmmm, you self reason: problem dey o.

If you be undergraduate for school, money nor dey. You come go visit your relative for house. Your relative tell you say things hard o, make you go bush go cut broomstick wen you go sell take get money go school. That one nor be hardship. Na suffer. Problem dey o!

You wen be man, you come fat so tail, in the dark, people dey mistake you for woman. That nor be enjoyment o. Na problem be that. Fat guy dey waka for night, he come dey hear, ‘si si si.’ The guy vex: ‘Who you dey call like dat? You think say I be babe? You dey craze for head.’

If you see a grown-up man dey jug long distance for hot afternoon sun, that nor be exercise o, na problem be that. Maybe the brain don enter reverse.

If you see woman wen dey talk to herself in broad day light, she nor carry phone, she nor wear Bluetooth for ear; nor be talking practice she dey, na problem be that.

If you see a young man and woman leave their house, leave their church building, come go one uncompleted building in the night to do praise and worship; hmmm, that nor be choir practice or fellowship o, na problem be that. In some months time, you go hear testimony abi na true confession, I nor know o. That na probability o.

Reflections (5) – Short Notes!

Misguided Confidence!

You hail a bike or a cab, you tell the driver your destination, and he agrees to take you there. But, alas! He has no clue where you are going. He believes you'll direct him as he drives along or he will gain uncanny inspiration as he drives along. God help you if you share the same ignorance. You know after a learner, one driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and one who is drowsy on the wheels, the next worst driver is one who does not know where he is going. He is a confused man. He lacks confidence. He drives hesitantly. His nightmare is a four-road junction because he knows not where to turn. If you're his passenger, you'll endure a merry-go-round. You may wonder: why did he not admit his ignorance initially and save everyone including himself such embarrassment and stress. Well, the bike man or cab driver is not alone in displaying misguided overconfidence. Some health workers, bankers, lawyers and other professionals share the same proclivity. It's an act of professional dignity and courteous etiquette to humbly admit to our limitations before irreparable damages occur. I will take an honest man to a grandstanding, self-indulging professional any day. Stay safe!

A man of Understanding!

There are times when understanding surpasses love. When you make a mistake, a friend who loves you can gloss over it, the man who understands you can accommodate it. Your love for someone can make you angry when that person errs but your deep understanding of why the person erred can calm you down. There are times I would rather camp my tent with the man who understands me rather than he who loves me. Understanding is application of knowledge. Getting to know your friends and then understanding their course of action is important. You might hate me when you just know me but you will love me if you understand me!

Don’t be deceived!

The best of advisers, counselors, ministers do not necessarily make the best of husbands, wives or friends. Otherwise, one would expect a psychologist or an inspirational speaker to have the best family. But that's not always the case. Some are gifted in reading other people and helping to solve the problems of others but they fail miserably in getting a read on their own lives and in handling their own affairs. They are only so good as to make the best show to the world while they may be hurting on the inside. It's not necessarily their fault. The fact is mortal man is imperfect; and in an imperfect world, you can't have it all. No man has it all. So if you see a man or woman gives or writes a great speech/article, enjoy it because that may be all he's got. Frankly, he/she maybe is overcompensating for other failings in life. This is not always the case. While no one has it all, some certainly have it more. In any case, don't get fooled or carried away just by the 'bling.’

Moments of Grief!

Moments like these, you can't help but remember loved ones lost in death. Dear ones who went away too soon. The sheer emotions we feel and express finds resonance in the common humanity we all share. While different tribes speak different languages and differ on the depth and manner of the grieving process, we are all united in grief. No heart of stone in grief. One cold blooded serial killer admitted grieving over one of his victims. Grief knows no bounds or boundaries. True grief occurs, not in the view of loved ones or members of the public, but in the quiet tears shed at those private moments when the world is so lonely.

Moments of Exquisite Joy!

Have u seen something that made you so joyful that you shed so much tears of joy? Something that held your entire being captive to an amazing delight! Something that made you realize how wonderful and beautiful this life could be! Something that made you lost in thoughts of the sheer capacity of the human spirit to persevere, persist, and prevail in spite of all the odds, proving beyond all doubts that there is value in living this life! There are times we have this experience and we can't hold back the tears of joy. May we live to see this and may we be highly inspired much more than words could ever express!

Jokes in Queen’s English – The Police are your friends!

We often hear these words: The police are your friends. It’s often taken as a slogan to boost the image of the police; it’s not taken literally. One man took it as a real message. One day, while driving on a cozy evening, he got to a police check-point. The police man asked him to drop ‘something’ (a bribe). The man said, ‘My friend, my friend! I don’t have something today. My friend, please, some other time.’ Before you hear Jack, the police man gave him a very unfriendly slap, ‘Who is your friend? Park well, my friend!’ After much insult on injury, the man was let go. When he got home, he lamented, ‘If friends can do this to me, who needs enemies?’ 

Jokes in Queen’s English – When I was a child!

Like every other adult, I was once a child. Sometimes, when I think back to the things I did and the things I was told and made to believe as a child, I can’t help but laugh hard. Here are some examples:

As a child, some of the adults around me sometimes hoard the juicy part of the meals: the meat, fish and the like. They would say, ‘Your time dey come (you will get your turn when you grow up).’ Some even said that giving a child the best parts of the meal encourage stealing. Now, I understand why I’m a briefly summarized full stop. I stopped growing before my time because the adults who had stopped growing then would not allow the young to grow.

As a child I was told that Experience is the best Teacher. Then, I wondered, ‘If that is true, why is Mr. Experience not teaching us at school? Which school is Mr. Experience?’

As a child I was told that the child of a neighbour died while playing a game of football. I got scared. Now, I know why I’m not an Okocha or Messi. Instead, I sit in front of a TV to watch them.

As a child I was told by a friend in school that sometimes their TV set at home won’t start-up until they put it in a wheelbarrow and use it to run around the street first. I thought it was a true story. Not until I told a group of friends the story and they just looked at me amusingly that I realized that that was a factitious Super-Story. It was dumb.

As a child I was so scared of taking drugs; I run far away from home to avoid taking medications. Now, I know better, right? ... right?

When I was growing up, I was used to eating Eba, Semo, Pounded Yam and Starch with my bare hands. Much later, I realized that some people ate them with the aid of a spoon or folk. I was shocked. How can you mold it into a swallow-able lump with those utensils? ‘The thing will not pass (can’t be swallowed)’. Well, one day, a friend of mine in school encouraged me to just give it a try. I obliged. When I took my first round of Eba with a folk, my eyes opened and I saw the light and since that time, many years running, I eat ‘every’ with utensils, home and away, at ‘Mama Put’ and Royal Tropicana, from ‘Eat more, Pay less’ to ‘I was there.’ O boy, all join/correct.

O, when I was a child…

Jokes in Pidgin English (36) – ‘You nor know English!’

We know say wetin oyinbo dey call ‘mannerism’ dey. Some people dey like talk and act in a particular fashion. That said, if you hear some people dey use certain words all the time, that nor be mannerism. That one mean say the person nor know English; him ma nor sabi grammar. If you hear person dey use words like, ‘probability; under probability; in fact; in short’ all the time, make you know say that person nor sabi English. You know why?

I get one friend wen dey like to use ‘under probability/na probability’ in every discussion.

Me: How body? You dey go work?

Friend: Body dey cloth. I nor know how body dey do me. To go work today na under probability o.

Me: How far? You fit help me buy some items for market when you close back from work?

Friend: Well, today na busy day for work o. I go don tire when I close o. To help you na probability o.

One day, my friend ask me for money. I answered: ‘Technically, it’s highly improbable under current mathematical and economic variables and probabilities for me to render your request.’ My friend replied: ‘If you nor get money talk, nor dey blow grammar. Na quarrel?’

Well, na lack of vocabulary dey cause am. If not, words like ‘probably’, ‘maybe’, ‘likely’, etc can be used instead of ‘under probability/na probability’. Maybe, that na the one grammar when my friend cram for school. Those days for secondary school, he get people wen dey cram big words, ‘perambulate, procrastinate, tautology etc’ and them dey use am every time whether the thing rhyme or correct, dem nor care. E.g. ‘Why are you perambulating and procrastinating in the corridor? What a tautology!’

E get other words wen people like to use. Words like: ‘in fact’, ‘in short’ and others. Imagine three friends meet. One like to use ‘under probability/na probability’; another one dey use ‘in fact’; the last one dey use ‘in short.’ So one dey, dem sit down outside. Them come see one fine car pass. This discussion ensued:

Friend 1: In fact, that na Toyota Camry.

Friend 2: Na lie. In short, that na Honda Accord.

As the argument dey go on, them come ask Friend 3 for input.

Friend 3: Hmm… In fact, if you look the car from the front, na Camry. In short, if you look the car from back, na Accord. But if you look the car from the side, I don’t know… That na probability o.

‘I was cheated’; ‘He duped me’ – Words that invoke strong Emotions!

Maybe you've heard or seen an experience like these: ‘Man stabbed to death over 10 Naira change,’ ‘Men fought over a meal at a wedding reception’, and others like these. When we hear or read about stories like the ones above, we often wonder why people would go to great length to fight and struggle over seemingly trivial matters. The truth is: these men or women did not engage in that behaviour because of the money or the item in question. After all, 10 Naira (0.06 US Dollars) or a meal won’t make much difference in their lives. Rather, they engaged in this act because of the underlining emotion encapsulated in these words: ‘I was cheated.’ That feeling that another man outsmarted us and the urge to avenge that wrong is a very powerful motivation and emotion. We must never underestimate what a man can do if he feels cheated. Yes, don’t overlook the resolve of a man who thinks he’s been defrauded. Some who are aware of the power of such feelings have manipulated others to do their bidding by using those lines: ‘ They've cheated us. They need to pay.’

We should be wary of these sentiments and do our very best to avoid circumstances that could be misconstrued as cheating. How so? For example, if you are reaching an agreement or a contract with another individual or group for the purpose of providing or receiving a service or item(s), the terms and specifics of that contract/agreement must be clear and unequivocal to all the interested parties. It does not matter whether the service is as trivial as boarding a commercial transportation medium (cars, buses, bikes) or as serious as the acquisition of landed properties like lands or buildings. A man hailed a commercial motor cyclist. He wants to travel a few kilometers. He reasoned that the transport fare would be a very small amount, so he joined the cyclist without agreeing on a price. When they got to his destination, he gave the cyclist money. The cyclist said the money was not enough and requested for 10 Naira (0.06 US Dollars) more. The passenger disagreed. An argument ensued. The cyclist felt he was being cheated. The passenger felt the same. Before long, tempers flew, and the passenger was stabbed as a result. Why did this happen over 10 Naira, a mere 10 Naira one would ask? It’s not the amount of money involved; rather it was the underlining emotion: ‘ I've been cheated; he has to pay.’ These unfortunate events happen now and then. It could be avoided. If both parties, the cyclist and the passenger, had agreed on a price before departure, the sad outcome could have been avoided. In these tough economic times, it’s very easy for people to feel cheated or duped and more persons may find it hard to overlook a perceived wrong. We can’t avoid every misgiving, but we can sure do our best to avoid unnecessary confrontations. Please, before you get on a commercial bike or bus or train or whatever means of public transport, find out and agree on a price before boarding or departure. Be comfortable with your agreement before you leave. Same goes for other services however trivial like getting a hair-cut or hair-do; buying or selling perishable or damageable items.

Many are wary of dealings that involve money and that is understandable. Money has the potential of making people behave unpredictably. This is of utmost importance when it comes to borrowing or lending of money. Yes, when it comes to issues of loans, be it involving individuals or groups, it always has the potential for doubts, mistrust and feelings of disappointments and betrayal. Hence, it’s very important that we go into these arrangements with all the possible outcomes in mind. There must be a clear understanding of what it entails and the details of payments must be made and agreed to in advance. Ideally, there should be witnesses and if necessary a signed agreement made. One must understand that not everybody likes paying back what they owe and not everyone obey the terms of such arrangements. Not everyone is honest when it comes to financial dealings. Nevertheless, it’s easier to minimize the potential for trouble if everything was spelt out from the onset. As much as possible, we want to avoid making others feel that we are cheating them. The blow-back of such emotions can have serious consequences.

There are groups of people who may feel cheated and thus feel the need to avenge that wrong. Such groups may be bound by language, tribe, geography, beliefs and the likes. Understanding this phenomenon is important to appreciating the root causes of ethnic or racial or religious discords and such understanding can go a long way to avoiding needless violence and destruction of lives and properties. It’s incumbent on our leaders and those who hold public office to discern the emotions and consequences of a group of people who feels cheated and marginalized. Sometimes, these feelings arise from ignorance, misinformation, unfounded rumours and speculations. While good education alone may not assuage the concerns of those who feel hurt or cheated, in some cases, it even worsens those concerns, but on the long run, a more educated and literate society can easily avail themselves of more accurate information and thus less likely to be mislead by individuals who seek to exploit the simple-mindedness of a largely uneducated and illiterate populace. Those in positions of authority must be quick to correct misconceptions and misleading information that could provoke the feelings of ‘being cheated’ among individuals and groups under their authority. It’s also important that when groups of people with varying interests decide to come together and work towards a common goal, the terms of such cooperation or co-existence must be spelt out from the world go. While some may hold grievances however perfect an arrangement is, it helps in the long run when people have a very clear understanding and reach a comfortable agreement on any arrangement that hold them together. I’m being a generalist here but my sentiments here can be applied to many situations. The point is, the feeling that we were cheated by the other side is a very potent force and we should be very careful about how we ascribe blame when things don’t go as planned.

The feeling of being cheated is much stronger amongst persons who have developed bonds of trust and love. Those who've grown to love and trust each other such as intimate friends, married couples, family members, childhood friends, classmates, and others like these can find themselves emotionally overwhelmed and painfully betrayed when they have cause to think or believe that an individual whom they trust and love have cheated them. While we may easily overlook the wrong deeds of strangers, it’s not the same when it comes to persons who are close to us. That is why it’s important that we grasps the terms of our relationships with even close friends. Early on in a relationship, we should grasp what the relationship entails and what we seek to achieve in that relationship. What do we expect from those we've formed a relationship with? What behaviour can we put up with? Does the other person appreciate our concerns and does he/he share my expectations, hopes and dreams? In essence, what are the terms of this relationship? If we get a hold of what we want and we expect in a particular relationship, we would be less disappointed and less frustrated if things don’t go well. This works in two-ways: what does the other person expect from me and what do I expect from the other person? It’s not fair to expect from others far more than what we are prepared to give to them. Agreed, sometimes we may not know what to expect from a relationship; things can be understandingly unpredictable. That said, just like every other venture in life, we should anticipate that life is full of risks, and we should set out our goals, aims and objectives from the get go. More importantly, we should always have insurance to cover those expected and unexpected risks. When we insure our business, we get an insurance policy, but when we insure our relationship, we depend on the God whom we worship and we acquire knowledge of the world and its people and we use that knowledge to seek understanding, thoughtfulness, wisdom, discernment and flexibility in our dealings with others. We use these virtues as our shock absorber, even when we drive into an unexpected bump on the road, we are not thrown off course and we don’t feel too much pain. Remember, any human being, no matter how noble he looks, can disappoint us. To err is human they say. ‘He/she cheated on me,’ as hard as it may be, should not be the end of the world. Also, we should be careful not to needlessly make others feel cheated. We should be cautious of a man/woman who feels cheated. Once again, never underestimate the resolve of a man/woman who feels cheated. Whenever possible, ensure that misconceptions and wrong information are clarified in a timely fashion.

We know we can’t get away from every misconstrued wrong. We know we can’t avoid every trouble. We know we can’t always tell what other people want or what goes on in their head. We know that the world is anything but perfect. We know that sometimes, many take things the wrong way and every time, some of us take things the hard way. We know that we can’t always expect people to live up to our expectations just as much as we ourselves, imperfect earthly creatures, can’t always leave up to the expectations of others. We know we can’t be too smart and thus read every outcome; not knowing what tomorrow holds is not always a bad thing. In fact, not knowing what tomorrow will bring can make our lives exciting. At the end of the day though, recognizing and appreciating human emotions and understanding why people do what they do, brings us a little step closer to making sense of our world and living a more rewarding life.

Jokes in Pidgin English (35) – Why e be say?

Why e be say when you watch Indolmie advert, you go see the cooked Indolmie with fried chicken and boiled eggs in the same plate as if the chicken and the egg come with the Indolmie pack? Wetin dem dey try tell us: you can’t eat Indolmie without? I thot that the purpose of Indolmie is to make sharp sharp meals in minutes. The time you go spend take fry that chicken and boil that egg, you nor go cu coma cook rice or boil spaghetti/macaroni?

Why e be say some of our ladies like too much forming/yanga/dege posing? E get one time when one guy waka jam one lady dey soak garri (drink soaked garri) one early morning (early morn morn). Nor do nor do, instead of the guy to maintain, he ask the lady, ‘Why are you drinking garri this early?’ The lady, instead of her to admit say ground nor level/things hard, she say, ‘I’m watching my weight.’ Uhmm… Watching weight with garri before 7am! Uhmmm… Wetin do Golden Morn and Quaker oats? What about going without or exercising on an empty stomach?

Why be say when patients dey for queue dey wait for their turn to see doctor, them go they complain, ‘This doctor too dey slow,’ but when e reach their turn and dem enter the office  to see doctor, dem nor care whether the doctor dey slow, them go talk from now to Jericho? In fact, if the doctor check them sharp sharp, dem go still complain, ‘that doctor too dey fast; e nor even listen to all my complaints before e begin write.’ Well, as people talk, ‘na another man fit craze.’