E get questions wen
dey make me vex. E.g.
1. When you reach your
working place, your co-worker go ask you,
‘You don come work?’
Na which kind question be that? You see me with tie, you
dey ask me whether I don come work? I never come work. I wear the tie for
exercise.
2. You dey your house
dey chop food, your neighbor come ask you,
‘You dey chop?’
No, I nor dey chop. I dey use food do throat exercise, ‘gbulogbulogbulo…’
3. One day, I sit down
outside one evening with my laptop, somebody come waka small small come my
back. When I notice say person dey my back, I carry my laptop jump up. I nor
know whether na thief. You know the question wen the guy ask me,
‘Are you fearing?’
No, I nor dey fearing. You see me wan run with my laptop, you
dey ask me ‘Are you fearing?’ Wait, make I enter my house, lock my door, then
you go know if I be fear fear. I go give you slap thru my door.
4. You and person dey
house since morning, no food. When you cook finish late afternoon, you come dey
ask,
‘You go chop?’
Hmmm… why not ask, ‘You sabi chop? Or, you know how to
chop? Or, you get mouth?’ Dem dey teach hungry man eating lessons?
5. You and a lady friend came out of a
restaurant. When you both came out, you saw that it was raining heavily. The question
the lady asked was,
‘Is the rain heavy?’
O girl, the food when you chop don blind you? Even if you
blind, you nor get ears to hear? Haba? The rain is not heavy, the heavy
pounding you hear on the roof is made by some musicians up there.
6. Her next question,
‘Will it stop soon?’
Yes, na me be the manufacturer and producer of the rain. Na
my Papa dey control the rain. Where I put the remote again?
7. You and the lady friend
reach house. You open door like a
gentleman and make every gesture for her to come in, the question she will ask,
‘Can I come in?’
No, stay outside make rain beat you, my friend!
8. When you and your
friend enter house, next question,
‘Do you have a room heater?’
Yes, like the type wen dey your Papa house. Why you nor put
am for hand-bag carry am follow body, so that the thing go dey blow you heat
for road?
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