Jokes in Pidgin English (48) – I wanna marry, I wanna marry!

He get one guy wen one marry. He come look for one correct authentic tear rubber chassis naija oyinbo lady. He come they go out with the lady. Today na Mr.Bigg’s, tomorrow na GT Plaza, another day, na Sizzlers, etcetera etcetera (I love this grammar!). Nor do nor do, one day the guy foodstuffs come finish for house. He ma dey try to arrange house wakis (food) once in a while. So, this guy come call the girlfriend,

‘Hello dear, please, I've ran out of foodstuff in the house, please, can you drop by the market and buy some food items and drop them at the house.’

The lady answer,

‘Yes, darling! Your wish is my command. I’ll do just that.’

After some hours, she call the guy,

‘Darling, I've dropped the items you requested at the house.’

My guy come dey get hope. Men, he feel say things are well arranged at home. So, instead of eating outside, he decided to go home and prepare some home-made food. O boy, when he got home, he saw enough food stuffs/items:

·       2 cartoons of big-size Indolmie

·       1 cartoon of Gala

·       1 cartoon of cakes

·       2 packs of biscuits

·       Beverages: Milk, Bournvita, etc.

·       Packs of refined sugar

·       1 carton of fruit juice

·       Cartons of canned soft drinks: coke, malt drinks, etc.

·       Cartons of bottled water

·       1 crate of eggs

·       Bottles of vegetable oils

·       Bottles of wine

·       Bottles of mayonnaise

·       Loaves of bread

·       1 Mr. Biggs take-away pack of fried rice and chicken

O boy, na so food stuffs full everywhere. My guy frustrate and he lamented:

‘No garri, no semovita, no yam, no plantain, no red oil, no vegetables, no meat, no fish, no fruits (orange, mangoes, water melon, etc), no onions, no okro, no melon, no ‘Ogbolo’, no pepper, no salt, no spices, nothing to use to prepare correct wakis (food). O boyeee.’

The guy come dey reason a lifetime of Indolmie, Gala, Cakes, biscuits, soft drinks, bread, wine and take-aways. I wanna marry! I wanna marry! This is a lifetime of overweight, obesity, diabetes, hypertension, arteriosclerosis, and the rest.

The guy pick phone, call em mama,

‘Mama, mama, I can’t do this. I wanna come to the village. I wanna come home. I don’t wanna die young.’