A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (02-01-13)

A new restaurant opened somewhere in Nigeria. In order to attract customers, the management of the restaurant put out a notice: the first 20 customers to come to the restaurant on a particular day will receive free service. One mad man who lives on the street heard that announcement. He decided to dress up for the occasion so as not to be noticed or driven out of the ‘show.’ On the said day, he got up early, prepared and went to the restaurant. He got there by 6am expecting to be the first person there since the restaurant opens by 9am. To his surprise, more than 20 people were already queuing up in front of the restaurant. He then jumped the queue thinking no one will notice. Not so fast!

‘Hey, come back. Come back!’

The mad man kept quiet.

‘Hey you, we are talking to you. Go to the back. You just came!’

Mad man: ‘Me, nooooo! I’ve been here. In short, I slept here overnight.’

Reply: ‘That’s a lie. We all slept here overnight. Nobody saw you.’

Mad man: ‘Wow. I did not know I was dealing with homeless people here. Sorry.’

Another guy approached the mad man and said quietly, ‘Guy, maintain (cool down), are you not the mad man that stays close to that garbage dump? If you love yourself, go to the back of the line.’

Mad man: ‘OK! Cool down, na we we na. We are together. No yanwa (trouble).’

A word a day…(01-01-13)!

I’m not better than others in anything I do. I’m only uniquely different just like every other human being on earth.

A Joke a Day Keep the Doctor away (01-01-13)!

One Professor of Botany loved teaching about the forest. He told his students that he loves the forest because when he’s in the forest surrounded by beautiful trees, he’s one with nature. Unfortunately, Prof was kidnapped by unknown assailants and he was kept in a thick forest for some days before he was released. When he got back to school, he related his ordeal to his students. At the end of the lecture, a student asked him,

‘Sir, when you were in that forest surrounded by beautiful trees, were you at one with nature?’

Prof replied,

‘What’s your name? Are you stupid? What kind of question is that? I’ll make sure you carry this course over?’

My people, did the Professor answer the question? Nature ko, nature ni… Prof was at one with fire….

Thank You! I’m Grateful! I Love You! I care about your well-being!

It's a virtue to honestly and sincerely express our feelings of love and gratitude to those we care about and to those with whom we interact on a daily basis. It’s loving to let others know that you do appreciate their kindness, their friendship and love, their gifts, their talents and their humanity. If you like what you see, hear or read about your friends and loved ones, tell them. Even seemingly little things matters. For example, ‘I love your hair!’ ‘Your pictures are cute!’ ‘That's a lovely thought!’ ‘You look beautiful or handsome!’ ‘Congratulations on your new achievement!’ Never assume they know that already; tell them.

God already knows what’s on our minds and hearts even before we speak, but He says in His word that we should open our mouth and tell Him in prayers. In the same vein, what ever goodwill you have for your friends and loved ones, please tell them. Never assume they know. Do it now while you can because no one knows tomorrow.

Think of those little kids who died in last Friday’s deadly shooting in the US. The morning before she left for school, 6-year-old Emilie Parker, one of the victims, told her father in Portuguese (the new language she was learning from her father) that she loves him. Jessica Rekos, 6 years of age, another victim, wrote on her journal some time before that fateful day, ‘I love you so much momma, love Jessica.’ Just think about that: What if they had waited? What if they felt their parents already knew they loved them? What if? What if? Let it not be, ‘Had I known…!’ More importantly, they learnt how to say these things from their parents. They heard it all the time. (I sourced the victims’ accounts from ABCNews.com)

It feels good to be modestly appreciated. Every human being, young and old, wants and needs sincere and heartwarming appraisal, done without flattery. Even a baby in the womb can sense appreciation. Wikipedia.org states: ‘Numerous studies have found evidence indicating a fetus's ability to respond to auditory stimuli. Research at Zhejiang University, China indicates that fetuses at term cannot only hear, but also distinguish their mother's voice from others.’ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neonatal_perception) So, you can talk and sing to your unborn child. Tell them how much you love them right from the womb and also from the moment they come into this world. How do we welcome a loving guest to our home? Is it not with loving expressions and gratitude?The babies can’t respond in kind but they hear us! A well trained animal pet like a dog knows when he’s been appreciated. They can feel the love. How much more a human being!

Let me use this opportunity to say this: Thank you, my friends! In case I haven't said it before, hear it now: Thanks for been a friend and I love you and you and you. I’m grateful for the privilege of being your friend. I’m grateful for everything you've done for me and with me. Words would fail me to recount them all. Your names, too numerous to mention; your kind acts, too many to enumerate. I’m not the perfect friend, but you stuck with me any way. I may have let you down on countless occasions but you kept the faith in our friendship.Thank you for the things for which i'm grateful and thank you for the things for which i'm thoughtful! May God keep us and protect us. May we live long in loving friendships and may we cherish and use every single opportunity to say: Thank you. I love you. Yes, you dear friends of mine!!!

- Dr. Eugene Akponojivi Ojirigho.

To a Land of Promise!

‘Promise Land, how does one get there?’ You may wonder.

Some got there by crossing the Niger;

Some others came from across the border;

From afar, some saw the land from yonder.

A land that offers hope and order;

A land of milk and honey-filled sweetener!

A place of commerce and legal tender!

Some came to bid, others came for the plunder.

Everyone came: from an officeholder to a shareholder;

From a plumber to a builder;

From a pay loader driver to a freeloader!

Will this land live up to the hype or will it be a bummer?

A man came to this land as a settler;

He was willing to work his way to be a stakeholder

In order to live his dreams and prosper.

There was no disappointment or blunder;

The land lived up to its name and founder.

Before long, he became a jobholder.

Thereafter, he became a cardholder and a landholder.

At the turn of the years, he was a key holder

To many properties and interests; indeed, a sure leader!

The story soon had its ups and downs like a changing weather.

The fairy tale was shattered by the sound of thunder.

The air was thick with smoke and smell of gunpowder.

The settlers shuddered in disbelief and anger

The whispers of fear and dread grew louder.

‘What’s happening in Promise Land?’ They ponder.

As time passed by, many gave way to pity and surrender

For they soon realized that they had no defender.

The struggles of men and their hopes were put asunder.

“This is the final bus-stop. Wake up from your slumber.”

He was awoken by the bus conductor in a bad manner.

“It was just a nightmare,” He thought in relief and good cheer.

To his surprise, he heard the familiar voice of an elder:

“Hello, Son! How was the Promised Land?” This voice was tender.

But to him that question was no appetizer.

Promise!

Jokes in Pidgin English (2) – You wan fall in Love? (Remix)

Those days for Uniben! E get one guy wen dey go out with one girl, professing undying love, ‘I will die for you’. My guy nor know say the girl original boyfriend na one top cult guy. You know girls wen dey like to keep their options open, in case yanwa gas for one end. When the cult guy hear say one guy don fall in love with em girlfriend, d guy arrange some of em boys make dem go handle d girlfriend lover. Na’em dem hijack lover boy go one corner. Dem give d guy pep talk:

Cult guys: When Adam fall in love with Eve, wetin happen?
Lover guy (confused): Adam commit sin
Cult guys: No, wetin happen to Adam last last?
Lover guy: Adam die.
Cult guys: Good. When Romeo fall in love with Juliet, wetin happen?
Lover guy: Romeo die.
Cult guys: Good. When (name withheld, to avoid stories dat touch) fall in love, wetin happen?
Lover guy: He die.
Cult guys: Good, you wan fall in love?
Lover guy: Nooo, Bros abeg I nor wan fall in love ooo. Abeg!
Cult guys: Good, if you nor wan fall in love, you know dat girl…. Stay away from her.

My people, I wonder wetin my guy go tell d girl d next time dem jam. ‘Baby, you know you are so beautiful. I’m so scared of falling in love with you. You deserve someone better. I don’t deserve you.’ Afraid nor go make my guy yan d truth. In dis case, d truth is not only bitter but deadly.

Jokes in Pidgin English (1) – Names can be misleading!

Nor be name when person bear dey show wetin the person fit do oh. Sometimes, names can be misleading (dat na Pidgin English?). Those days for school, for my room for hostel we get one Electrical Engineering student. This guy dey read, I mean he dey move stuff. But if we get electrical fault in our room, this guy dey dodge. Our room no light, other rooms get light. Where Electrical Engineer? No where to be found. Hot plate is faulty. Engineer is AWOL. One day, we challenge d guy, ‘Ha ha! Nor be Electrical Engineer u be, why u nor dey help repair electrical faults in the room?’ D guy say, ‘I learn about the designs. Those problems are managed by local and manual  repairers. When I graduate, within few mths of practice, I will learn all those local stuff.’ Hausa man say, ‘tuo!’ My guy if u get light problem, u come put hope on an Electrical engineer wen dey learn design, na u know. Darkness may well be ur portion.

If u carry Mechanical Engineer for your car, your car come break down in d middle of nowhere, u come put hope on your Mechanical Engineer passenger, o boy, na suffer oh. Nor think say since ‘mechanic’ is in 'Mechanical', so therefore your car problem will be handled. Na lie oh. Nor be by name oh. Na by experience oh.

One day, I enter market for Kano, I come dey hear ‘Doctor, Doctor,’ I turn round thinking say na person wen know me. Wen I turn, I come see d original doctor wen dem dey call: one matured man selling drugs, he wear one old discoloured white coat. For em mind, na Doctor abi? The day yanwa go gas, u go know say it’s not by name nor by title but by u know na…. no need to expatiate.

Don’t be misled!