Jokes in Pidgin English (17) – Come enter!

Abeg my people, make who na remember say nor be every motor or drop person dey enter o. Before you enter any motor, whether na free lift or lift to pay in cash or kind, abeg look the faces wen dey the motor and use your instincts, if your mind tell you say 'nor enter! nor enter!', my guy nor enter o. Na so dat year wen i dey hustle for job for Abuja. I dey with one of my guys for Gwarinpa Estate. Every day, i go take drop go hunt for job. That time, na 400naira i dey pay for each drop. One day, i come out in d morning dey look for drop. Na so one man just drive come. D man dey smile one kind funny weird smile like say me na girl. I tell am where i dey go, i come ask am how much. D man say 100naira. I shock, place wen i dey enter 400naira everyday,sometimes na 500 i dey pay, dis man with em funny smile dey say 100naira. Fear catch me. I tell d man say,'Sorry ooo, I don change my mind. I nor go again'
D man say make i nor worry, 'enter'
I say, 'Bros, nor vex, i nor go again'
I come dey look the man. If dis man, use mistake come down, i go run like Usain Bolt. The man wait small, e come drive go.
O boy dat man make me fear dat day. Eh! Make i enter drop with that kind man, Abuja roads wen dey confuse person, before e go carry me lost, i nor go know.
My people, open your eyes. Stay safe! Peace!

A word a day … (19-01-13)!

My dad once told me, ‘You don't forget the things that are important to you.’ Whether or not you'll remember something is contingent on how important it is to you and the premium you place on it. For example, you can't forget your job interview date if you've spent months looking for a job. If you have been fighting for visa for months, you won’t forget the date of your next appointment with the embassy. The next time you forget something important, ask yourself, ‘Was it really that important to me? How much value do I place on the things that are meant to be important to me?’

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (19-01-13) – funny sights!

1. Many years ago, while traveling a road in the South I saw a road sign that reads, ‘Beware. Dangerous potholes ahead!’ It made me wonder, ‘Instead of putting up a road sign, why not use that money to fill up the potholes?’ Better still, let it read: ‘Beware. Dangerous people in charge!’

2. I was walking down one street in the North and I saw a board that reads: ‘JAMB for sale!’ It made me wonder, “Why put it that way, is it ‘JAMB form for sale’ or ‘JAMB exam for sale’ or ‘JAMB result for sale’ or ‘JAMB as a whole for sale’?” Answers: a) all of the above. b) none of the above c) only one of the above… (Please, note: negative marking applies. Leave blank if your brain is blank.)

3. On the back of a fuel tanker, below the sign that says: ‘highly inflammable’, there was another message, ‘Don’t trust girls.’ It made me wonder, ‘Why? What does ‘trusting girls’ have to do with ‘highly inflammable materials’? Too hot to handle? IEDs (Improvised explosive devices)? Carry fire extinguishers when going out on a date?

4. The opposite of correct is incorrect. The opposite of edible is inedible. Therefore the opposite of flammable should be inflammable. Hence, I wonder, ‘Why does the English dictionary say flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?’ English language, uhmmmmm. No comment. {Maybe, dem they play us ojoro}

Experiences; Lessons Learnt (5) - Nightmares!

I stayed long in school. Now, years after I've graduated, my worst nightmares in my dream sleep involve seeing myself back in school and preparing for another undergraduate exam. I’m so scared, 'I have not read this, I have not read that and exam is so close.' When I get so nervous and afraid and all sweaty, suddenly I wake up: ‘You have graduated. Calm down. You have graduated.’ The words that ring in my head to calm me down! It got me thinking:

“Sometimes, our nightmares are hard reminders of our worst struggles. In a way, they speak to us: Remember how far you've come and whence you came.”
My Reflections!

Experiences; Lessons Learnt (4) – The worth of a man!

Still on my long trip to the South: When we got to Auchi and Ekpoma, some passengers disembarked from the bus. The driver picked new passengers along the way; much to our dismay (you can’t tell who is who that late in the night). There was this young man that boarded the bus. He came in and just kept to himself. He was so quiet that my discomfort increased; you know what they say, ‘It’s always the quiet ones.’ When we were about 15mins drive from Benin, our vehicle broke down in the middle of nowhere. ‘Uhmmm!’ The Driver and the rest of us were at a loss on what to do except for this young man. This guy took control of the situation. He was making suggestions on how to fix the car, and relating personal experiences on situations like this. Eventually we hailed another bus to tow our bus to Benin. The driver was so appreciative of the young man’s help that he thanked him repeatedly for the rest of the journey. It got me thinking:

You cannot tell the worth of some individuals until there is an urgent problem that needs to be solved. Great men are not only known for great speeches but are also known for doing great things in spite of great odds.

My Reflections!

Experiences; Lessons Learnt (3) – Assurances!

I traveled to the South a while ago. It was a long road trip. Scared of having a running stomach, I did not take breakfast before l left for the park. When we got to Kaduna, I was so hungry but I was too scared to eat because I had an unpleasant experience the last time I traveled that long. Some hours later we got to Abuja. My stomach was rumbling and I was much at unease. When we stopped to get fuel, I bought snacks and a drink. I did not eat them right away. I just kept them with me. Even though I had not eaten, when my body recognized that food was available and it was just a matter of time before I ate I became at ease and felt some relief. It got me thinking:

Sometimes what we need from our friends and family is the guarantee that they will be there for us when we need them. Even though they may not be present with us in person, but knowing that, God willing, they will be there for us when we need them is reassuring. The assurance that no matter where the highs and lows of life take us, we will have our close pals to stand with us, pray for us and help us through trying times. We don’t see God but knowing that He is always there for us is a most comforting thought.

My Reflections!

Jokes in Pidgin English (16)

‘I wanna go!’
Somebody ask me why I dey like to write write online, I tell d guy, “See, guy now is the time to discover other talents ooo. Because the way things dey change for Naija now, make you nor wake up one day, dem say Naija don turn to Jamaica ooo. Because if Naija change to Jamaica, if you nor sabi, ‘what ah guan?’ na wahala ooo.”
This thin come make me remember one staff wen dey work with me those days. She dey assist me dey interpret. Dis lady, uhmmmm! She dey speak Special English. English wen nor be Pidgin English and nor be good English. English wen I never hear for my life before. I dey use sense dey listen so dat she nor go interpret toxic stuff to me or the patient. Any time wen I see say she dey stammer, ‘em eh em eh’ I know say na toxic stuff dey come. So I go rewind wetin I talk. This lady, any time patients don finish, if she wan go house, she go say ‘I wanna go.’ E be like say dat na the English wen she learn from India films.
Na so, every day wen we close, ‘I wanna go’…. ‘I wanna go’
So one day, she wan go collect something outside then she go come back later, she say, ‘I wanna came’
Na so I quickly tell her, ‘before u wanna came, me I wanna go ooo’
Na so I take comot o… It's all good. All join! Enjoy!