Jokes: ‘ekoloma demba’ ‘malo nogede’, Timaya, na witch level?

Back in the days, I fell in love with Timaya’s music. Loved it, men! Inspirational Dem Mama soldier. Nowaways, Timaya’s music has taken a different turn. What is ‘malo nogede,’ ‘ekoloma demba’?

I decided to go online to find out what those words mean. I entered Google and I typed, ‘What’s the meaning of ‘ekoloma demba’, ‘malo nogede’?

Google Pidgin English replied:

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Hmmm…. My friend, such words do not exist in our current lexicography.

Abi, you don smoke igbo (Indian Hemp)?

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My reply: abeg, nor be quarrel! Lexi… gini? That na Pidgin English? (Mschew.........)

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Na joke ooooooooo!

Joke – Acute changes in physique!

There was this guy whose physique changes rapidly with the amount of money he has. If he gets much money today, by tomorrow he will grow noticeably fat. If he loses that money in the morning, by evening time, he’s lost all the weight. One day, he got a call that a huge amount of money was deposited in his account. As he was walking to a bank ATM Machine, this guy started adding weight along the way. When he got to the ATM, there was a queue. He waited for a while, adding more weight. When it got to his turn, to his surprise, there was no money in his account. Do you know what happened? This guy started shedding weight immediately. He kept checking and checking again. When he finally confirmed that there was no money in his account, this guy…….

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Disappeared in thin air to the great surprise of those waiting on the line!

#ASUUstrike

I went to the bank the other day and I saw many old pensioners on a long queue cursing and arguing. I thought about the pains these pensioners go through and I remember the many pension scams I read about. It made me wonder: Why do government officials find it easy to mess up pensioners and pension funds? The answer: They can’t go on strike. #ASUUstrike

Some say that going on strike is not the solution to problems and that there are other ways to resolve issues. Dialogue they say should be the only way. Well, let me ask, please, when was the last time the government made any changes in worker’s welfare without being been edged on by a strike? Give me one example. Check those sections of the government where people can’t go on strike; they suffer most: pensioners. Maybe #strikologue is better: dialoguing while on strike. #ASUUstrike

Some people oppose strike actions, but they don’t reject the dividends of those strikes. When doctors went on strike for CONMESS, some elders in the medical profession were opposed to the strike. But when the strike yielded increased pay, they did not reject the pay. ‘Who nor like better thing?’ #ASUUstrike

What’s on my mind? (Pidgin English included)

What’s on my mind?
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It’s written:
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"Let there be an encountering by a man of a bear bereaved of its cubs rather than anyone stupid in his foolishness." - Prov. 17:12
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Just a thought on my mind! Right now, instead of watching or listening to Naija news, I am in search of a mourning bear to hug because there is so much stupid foolishness in the news these days….. “Bear! Bear! Bear oooooooooooooooooooooo! Where you dey? Abeg come collect hug, I dey hurry, I nor fit shout oooooooooooooooooooo!”

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#rivershouseofassembly on my mind

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P-square sang:
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"So many times i wonder why tears dey for my eyes; for so long me i nor know o....... (tears flowing)
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.....No no no no, i nor fit take am anymore. Lie lie......
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This nor go happen again o. This na my biggest mistake o, (Naija) nor go see me again o and (Naija) nor go put me for shame..... Oremi eeeeeeeeee...."
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Thinking of why i'm a Nigerian... Of all countries, why Naija. Why? 'no no no no no no.... i nor fit take am anymore' (Right now, i'm jetting to Ethiopia to officially disown Naija, then i will fly to u know na....)

Perspective on social issues (1) – Reliving the dumping of toxic waste in Koko

Many years ago, toxic waste was dumped in Koko, Nigeria. It was said that the information came out when Nigerians abroad were being mocked because tons of toxic waste were dumped in our doorstep and yet we had no knowledge of it. I remember then that the Nigerian government and other patriotic Nigerians worked hard to restore Nigeria’s image and credibility. These days, a lot of toxic things are been dumped right in front of us too often that any efforts to repair Nigeria’s image is worthless. Those things are even more toxic than those waste dumped in Koko years ago. Are you wondering what they are? Just tune the news! I’m not talking about NTA. Tune in to BBC, CNN, Aljazeera, Channels, and AIT and then go online and browse Nigeria news on Google and YouTube. Please watch the Video of the River State Assembly mayhem on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI3wU4jZRCQ). Those Nigerians who fought tirelessly against the dumping of the toxic waste in Koko would find it hard to comprehend how those who swore to preserve and protect the image of this country only succeed in making it a laughing-stock on a daily basis. Gani Fawehinmi, Fela, and other late social crusaders would turn in their graves were they able to hear the toxic news from Nigeria. Pathetic garbage!

#Whonamedit/Whomadeit (Who deserves more credit?)

Camper’s fascia is ‘the fatty part of the superficial fascia of the lower anterior abdominal wall.’

Camper’s ligament is ‘the layer of fascia extending between the ischiopubic rami inferior to the sphincter urethrae and the deep transverse perineal muscle.’

(Sourced from http://www.whonamedit.com/search.php)

Named after Petrus Camper, ‘Dutch physician and anatomist, born May 11, 1722, Leiden; died April 7, 1789, The Hague.’

(Sourced from http://www.whonamedit.com/doctor.cfm/3231.html)

So much for whom it was named after, what about who made it? Who deserves more credit? Even Professor Camper recognized that:

“…he was even appointed to the chairs of anatomy and surgery, an office illness prevented him from entering until April 28, 1750. The topic of his inaugural address – De mundo optimo – was living in the best possible world created by an omnipotent and benevolent God. He points to the fact of the enormous variety, both in living and non-living nature, which demonstrates the ordering power of the Supreme Being.” -

http://www.whonamedit.com/doctor.cfm/3231.html

#Whonamedit/Whomadeit (Who deserves more credit?)

We learn ever always!

 

We learn ever always

Life filled with lessons

Stories of a world so big

And of a man so small

Times we feel we've seen it all

And life shows us how we are yet to start

Today a baby is born

Can’t see and hear everything

But yearns to know about the land

He’s been far off in a sea of ocean

Floating and swimming in a wealth of moisture

Suddenly, he comes to a world of dryness

Carried through space by strange and familiar voices

Suckles from a familiar body

As his eyes open and ears brighten,

‘O, there you are. There you are!’

Surprise, surprise: people walk, no swimming

‘How can I be like them?’

Learns to walk but stumbles

Crawls, stands, and waits

One day, he walks, ‘Ah ha! I've done it’

Learns to speak like others

Develops a vocabulary

‘I've known it all’

Surprise, off to school, he’s bundled

‘What!’

‘You need to learn more about the land’

So, from school to school he goes

Learning is now the way of life

He’s through with school

Off to the world he goes!

New tricks and skills to learn

‘Where does the learning stops?’

He’s been having friends and friends

Changing friends like the seasons

‘You need to be steady

‘You have to settle down

Raise a family; build an ocean for others to come’

‘Learn to do these things

They are so important.’

‘When will this learning stop?’

‘Till the end of your days’

An aged man said

‘When the bones get fragile again

You learn to walk again

Crawl on the ground again

Lose teeth again

Learn to speak again

Forget the length of days again

And you go back again

From whence you came!’