Joke: Log of Wood!

One man woke up one morning and realized he was sleeping naked on the floor of his room and all his properties were gone. He recalled that he slept on his mattress fully clothed the night before and his properties were intact. What went wrong?

The stories goes with some tweaking:

While he was asleep, thieves entered his room and took away all his properties. The thieves realized that even with all the noise, the owner of the items was still sound asleep. 'What the hell!' They decided to move the owner from the mattress to the bare floor and then carried out the mattress. Even then the man was still asleep. Then they noticed that the man was putting on an expensive shirt, belt and trouser. So, they decided to remove the man's clothes; yet, the man slept on. They even removed his boxes without stress. Finally, they left a note for the man:

'Hello, Sir! Are you a log of wood? Don't worry, we shall come back for you when we have a suitable buyer.'

Henceforth, this man was nicknamed LOW (log of wood).

©Dr Eugene’s Column (http://dreugeneojirigho.blogspot.com/)
©Dr Eugene’s Blogs (http://dreugeneoji.blogspot.com/)

Joke - Oga!

I once met a guy whose name was Orga. Some pronounce it like 'Oga' (which means master; used to address a worker or someone with more seniority). When Orga was in primary school, his teacher asked him, 'What's your name?' He replied: 'Orga.' The teacher thought he said 'Oga.' The teacher was so upset that he started flogging the student, 'Are you mad? Do you expect me to call you 'Oga'?' The student cried, 'Master, Master, that is my name ooo...'

Imagine Orga went to work as a driver to one rich man (original Oga). One day, the rich man was expecting some important guests he's not met before. When the guests arrived, the rich man called out to his driver, 'Orga, please come, the guests have arrived.' The visitors thought that Orga was the original Oga they came to see. Before long, they were paying homage to Orga. Orga shouted, 'No, no, no, I'm not the Oga. See my Oga.' Imagine the confusion. Anyway, the issue was clarified. After the guests left, original Oga told his driver, 'Orga, we have to change your name before you use your funny name to take over my business.'

©Dr Eugene’s Column (http://dreugeneojirigho.blogspot.com/)

©Dr Eugene’s Blogs (http://dreugeneoji.blogspot.com/)

Overqualified Applicant

One company advertised for cleaners. On the day of the interview, a number of persons showed up. There was this man who showed up with his credentials: B.Sc, M.Sc, etc. The interviewers were surprised and wondered why a man with such qualifications be applying for a cleaning job.

When it got to the man's turn, he was asked: 'Sir, why did you apply for this job? You have enough qualifications to get you a better job.'

The man replied, 'I'm intrigued about the art of cleaning. I often wonder about the simple pleasures of the cleaner. The cleaner does the job of wiping away the dirt, the ills, the wrongs of others.... Think about the science of cleaning. The use of antiseptics. Do you know the origin of the first antiseptic? Do you know the wealth of history behind that simple yet profound discovery?.....'

This man kept talking and talking and talking... After one and the half hour of lecture on the art and science of cleaning, the interviewers, who did not know the answers to his questions, knew what was going on here. All was not well.

©Dr Eugene’s Column (http://dreugeneojirigho.blogspot.com/)
©Dr Eugene’s Blogs (http://dreugeneoji.blogspot.com/)

Jokes: ‘ekoloma demba’ ‘malo nogede’, Timaya, na witch level?

Back in the days, I fell in love with Timaya’s music. Loved it, men! Inspirational Dem Mama soldier. Nowaways, Timaya’s music has taken a different turn. What is ‘malo nogede,’ ‘ekoloma demba’?

I decided to go online to find out what those words mean. I entered Google and I typed, ‘What’s the meaning of ‘ekoloma demba’, ‘malo nogede’?

Google Pidgin English replied:

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Hmmm…. My friend, such words do not exist in our current lexicography.

Abi, you don smoke igbo (Indian Hemp)?

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My reply: abeg, nor be quarrel! Lexi… gini? That na Pidgin English? (Mschew.........)

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Na joke ooooooooo!

Joke – Acute changes in physique!

There was this guy whose physique changes rapidly with the amount of money he has. If he gets much money today, by tomorrow he will grow noticeably fat. If he loses that money in the morning, by evening time, he’s lost all the weight. One day, he got a call that a huge amount of money was deposited in his account. As he was walking to a bank ATM Machine, this guy started adding weight along the way. When he got to the ATM, there was a queue. He waited for a while, adding more weight. When it got to his turn, to his surprise, there was no money in his account. Do you know what happened? This guy started shedding weight immediately. He kept checking and checking again. When he finally confirmed that there was no money in his account, this guy…….

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Disappeared in thin air to the great surprise of those waiting on the line!

#ASUUstrike

I went to the bank the other day and I saw many old pensioners on a long queue cursing and arguing. I thought about the pains these pensioners go through and I remember the many pension scams I read about. It made me wonder: Why do government officials find it easy to mess up pensioners and pension funds? The answer: They can’t go on strike. #ASUUstrike

Some say that going on strike is not the solution to problems and that there are other ways to resolve issues. Dialogue they say should be the only way. Well, let me ask, please, when was the last time the government made any changes in worker’s welfare without being been edged on by a strike? Give me one example. Check those sections of the government where people can’t go on strike; they suffer most: pensioners. Maybe #strikologue is better: dialoguing while on strike. #ASUUstrike

Some people oppose strike actions, but they don’t reject the dividends of those strikes. When doctors went on strike for CONMESS, some elders in the medical profession were opposed to the strike. But when the strike yielded increased pay, they did not reject the pay. ‘Who nor like better thing?’ #ASUUstrike

What’s on my mind? (Pidgin English included)

What’s on my mind?
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It’s written:
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"Let there be an encountering by a man of a bear bereaved of its cubs rather than anyone stupid in his foolishness." - Prov. 17:12
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Just a thought on my mind! Right now, instead of watching or listening to Naija news, I am in search of a mourning bear to hug because there is so much stupid foolishness in the news these days….. “Bear! Bear! Bear oooooooooooooooooooooo! Where you dey? Abeg come collect hug, I dey hurry, I nor fit shout oooooooooooooooooooo!”

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#rivershouseofassembly on my mind

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P-square sang:
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"So many times i wonder why tears dey for my eyes; for so long me i nor know o....... (tears flowing)
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.....No no no no, i nor fit take am anymore. Lie lie......
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This nor go happen again o. This na my biggest mistake o, (Naija) nor go see me again o and (Naija) nor go put me for shame..... Oremi eeeeeeeeee...."
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Thinking of why i'm a Nigerian... Of all countries, why Naija. Why? 'no no no no no no.... i nor fit take am anymore' (Right now, i'm jetting to Ethiopia to officially disown Naija, then i will fly to u know na....)