A Diamante Princess!

She embodies the outpour of divine grace and favour.

Her face beams with brilliant splendour

As she surges with sublime vigour!

The skin colour glows like shining armour

Untainted by the squalor near her arbour!

When she walks with majestic grandeur

And her hips gyrates in resplendent ardour

My brain was dazed as though hit by an invasive tumour.

She speaks with such flavour and candour

That the tenor of her voice fills me with fervour!

A woman of great valour and honour

Giving succour to those in labour

Yet has a quintessential sense of humour.

Why does her immaculate set of teeth remind me of paper –white pallour

And her adorable hair of the fine horses in a manor?

Each time I saw her, my cheeks get inflamed with calor, rubor and dolor,

While my fingers shake with fine tremour.

I’m mesmerized by her charismatic demeanour

Tantalized by her amazing glamour

And transfixed by her scintillating contour!

Rumour says she is enamoured with a Prince and will soon be made to soar.

O! How i savour the cherished memories of her.

Facial Resemblances – Why does this occur amongst persons who are not blood relatives?

Have you had this experience of seeing two persons who look alike facially and just when you thought they are blood relatives, you are told that they are not? Many of us have. Now picture these scenarios based on eye-witness accounts:

1.  You see a man and a woman who look so much alike that you might mistake them for a brother and sister. Then you are told they are husband and wife or they have been in courtship for some time in readiness for marriage.

2. Someone approached you and asked if you are so and so person. When you say, ‘no,’ he/she would then ask if you are related to someone else he/she knew from somewhere else. After all the descriptions, you realize that you share mere facial resemblances with that individual but you are not related to him/her in any way. You may not even be from the same tribe or region.

3. Stories of someone who died in say Southern Nigeria but some years later, witnesses say that same individual was sighted in Eastern or Western Nigeria alive. Could this be mere facial resemblances and not reincarnations as some people believe?

4. A woman after she became pregnant became very close to a male friend who is not the father of the child. Eventually, the woman gives birth to a child who has striking resemblance with this individual she has been close to. We are not talking of a woman who got pregnant out of infidelity. There are experiences of women giving birth to children who look just like a friend of hers who is not related to her by blood and is not the father of the child.

5. Look-alikes. Over the years, in the world of celebrities, there have been look-alikes who successfully pose as the original celebrity and misled people into thinking they are celebrities. Even politicians and public figures have used look-alikes as doubles in order to avoid a crowd or an assassination. Elvis Presley used look-alikes to distract fans so that he could walk outside his home in peace.

6. If you are opportune to go through the pictures of the over 7 billion people on planet Earth, don’t you think that aside from your blood relatives, you will find someone who looks exactly like you? Chances are that you will find more than one person that could easily be mistaken for you.

Now, how do we explain the above scenarios? Are there researches that can throw some light on the above scenarios? Do we have anything to learn from these observations? First, let’s consider what some have found out in researches that relate to our discourse.

Wikipedia.org (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facial_resemblance) summarizes two researches made by DeBruine, Lisa M. and reported in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences. In the first research, DeBruine opined that facial resemblance enhances trustworthiness. In the study, there was a controlled experiment in which participants showed more trust to those who had the same facial resemblance with them. That means we are more likely to trust someone who look like us. It was also shown that facial resemblance increases the chance of prosocial behaviour. Wikipedia.org states, ‘Prosocial behavior, or “voluntary behavior intended to benefit another”, consists of actions which “benefit other people or society as a whole,” “such as helping, sharing, donating, co-operating, and volunteering.” These actions may be motivated by empathy and by concern about the welfare and rights of others, as well as for egoistic or practical concerns.’ This means that you are more likely to care for people who share the same facial resemblance with you.

Another study carried by DeBruine L. M. also showed that there is some relationship between facial resemblances and attractiveness, although this is not as strong as the earlier study about resemblance and trust. It states that facial resemblance could affect attractiveness for the short-term but had no effect on attractiveness for a long-term relationship. All the same, this could imply that we tend to be more attracted to someone who looks like us.

Another thing worth mentioning is the study of interpersonal attraction in social psychology. Wikipedia.org states that interpersonal attraction relates to how much we like, dislike, or hate someone. ‘It can also be viewed as a force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist their separation.’ It goes on to explain that similarity (like-attracts-like) is a vital determinant of interpersonal attraction and that studies have shown that people are more attracted to ‘look-a-likes in physical and social appearance.’ The principle of self-affirmation was also highlighted. This involves the observation that an individual would like persons who approve of his/her life, ideas, attitudes and other characteristics and thus look for others who are like mirror images of himself or herself to spend his/her lives with. [Please note that all the quotes are from Wikipedia.org.]

So, what can we learn from the above observations and research? Meanwhile, it’s worthy of note that while the above researches throw some light on the reason why close friends or spouses look alike, it does not explain why persons who have never met before and who are not related in anyway share striking facial resemblances. Well, I will revisit this issue in a short while.

Firstly, there is a common observation that many couples or long-term close friends tend to look alike. Why? If DeBruine’s research is anything to go by, it means that ab initio people tend to get attracted to, be close to and trust persons who share facial and physical resemblances with them. That means, couples looking alike tells the story of how and why they are together in the first place. Another way to look at it is, oftentimes, when we see couples or close friends together, we tend to look for the similarities between them. Thus, it could be a matter of perception. It also raises critical questions. Could it be that when two individuals, who are not related by blood but who became very close, undergo psychosomatic changes that make them look alike? Or could it be that when friendship or a marriage union is formed, friends or couples tend to act alike and as such dress, talk, behave and even look alike in the process? Is close association amongst non-blood relatives so powerful to engender changes that make them look alike? Can we then say that show me your friend and I will tell you what you look like? It’s a known fact that bad association could very well have a negative influence. Does it not stand to reason that if we don’t want to look like some persons with bad personalities, we would not want to closely associate with them?

Secondly, the case of the baby of a pregnant mother looking like a close friend of hers may not be a common occurrence but some have vehemently claimed that it has occurred before. I don’t have an explanation for that just as we don’t have explanation for some very common daily experiences. But if that is the case, there is a lesson for would-be fathers and husbands to get close to their wives especially when she’s pregnant. You wouldn’t like your child to look like someone else, would you?

God and one mind. Do you wonder why people who are not related in any way other than being humans look so much alike even when they don’t share the same ancestry or background? Why do I share a resemblance with someone from Northern Nigeria even though I was born and raised by parents who are both of Southern Nigeria ancestry? Why do you resemble that man or woman whom you’ve never met before and while two of you share nothing else in common? Do we really need to wonder afar? Think of this. A car company can make different types and brands of car. But no matter how diverse the type of car made, a car expert can tell if they were made from the same company because there is something in all of them that bear the hallmark of that company. Look at the Nokia phones. No matter the make or series, you can always tell a Nokia phone because they were made by one company with one set of ideas, objectives and goals.

Now, when we see the similarities that exist amongst men and even between man and lower animals, scientists are quick to point to evolution. In their presumed calculations, these similarities can only be explained by evolutionary trends. But, could there be another explanation? When we take a look at the furniture items made by one carpenter and we find so many similarities amongst his works, do we not usually attribute this to the work of one set of hands and to one mind? When arts experts take a look at the works of arts, can’t they tell if they were made by one person by the similarities in the pieces? Don’t all the works of Leonardo da Vinci look alike even after many centuries?  Is it hard to think that the facial similarities we share with others along with other things we share with fellow humans show that we were all created by one set of hands and one mind? We look alike because we were created by one mind. Yes, the Mind of God! In the final analysis, we share resemblances with others around the world because we share a common ancestry with the first human couple created by one mind, the mind of God. He created them and empowered them to fill this earth with humans. Yes, we look alike because, in a sense, we are related.

Why do Ladies Speak better English?

I have often wondered why ladies generally speak better English as compared to their male counterparts. Does it have anything to do with the brain? I decided to do a brief online research. Trust Google to deliver. It’s been shown that not only in English language, females are better in speech and language skills than their male counterparts and this is attributable to the differences between the male brain and female brain.

www.webmd.com talks about how the male and the female brain differ:

1. Israeli researchers found out that the male and female brains show differences as early as the 26th week of pregnancy. Ultrasound scan findings reveal that the corpus callosum, the bundle of nerve tissue that connects the right and left sides of the brain, was thicker in female fetuses than in male fetuses. It’s been observed that in adults, this area remains stronger in females. This may be responsible for the finding that while males use the left side of their brain (just like right-handed people use more of the left side of their brain), females use both sides of their brains for language functioning. It is therefore no surprise to observe the stronger language skills shown by females because the larger the area of the brain dedicated to a particular task, the better an individual will be in performing that task.

2. The area of the brain that is involved in language and fine motor skills (handwriting) mature about six years earlier in girls than in boys. While the area of the brain responsible for math and geometry mature about four years earlier in boys than in girls. Little wonder that generally, the writing and speech of girls are better than their males’ counterpart, whereas boys are better with math and science related subjects than their female counterparts.

3. The brains of males are about 10% larger than the brains of females. It does not necessarily make the male brain smarter. The gray matter (the thinking matter) is 6.5 times more in males than females, while the white matter (which connects various parts of the brain) is 9.5 times more in females than in males. It was also noted that some parts of the female brain are better organized and bigger in volume. This may also lend credence to the reason why females have a more dominant language skill.

4. Women are faster and more accurate at identifying emotions than men. They are quicker at noting facial differences and voice changes. They are also better at controlling their emotions. A study showed that the areas of the brain that control aggression and anger responses are larger in women than in men.

5. Nevertheless, men and women still have a lot in common in the brain. It was shown that a lot of areas are still the same in the brains of men and women. It was also noted that the differences in the brains of males and female are for the best. They are complementary and thus enhance the chances of men and women joining together to achieve common goals.

Also, www.doctorhugo.org/brain4.html presented a research finding:

‘Language: for men, language is most often just in the dominant hemisphere (usually the left side {of the brain}), but a larger number of women seem to be able to use both sides {of the brain} for language. This gives them a distinct advantage. If a woman has a stroke in the left front side of the brain, she may still retain some language from the right front side. Men who have the same left sided damage are less likely to recover as fully.’- From the book, ‘The Essential Difference: Men, Women and the Extreme Male Brain’ written by Simon Baron-Cohen, Director of the Autism Research Centre, Cambridge University. {Parenthesis is mine}

Let me go back to where I started. Females are better in the languages than their male counterparts. Do we have anything to learn from the above? Yes, a lot:

1. Don’t argue with a lady in public, especially the one that is good in English. This reminds of what happened back then in school. Some boys and girls went to get water from a common tap. They formed a rowdy queue to fetch the water. At a point, one of the boys noticed he’s been outsmarted by one of the girls. He felt he should be in front of that girl. Before long, an argument ensued.

Boy: I came before you ‘na’.

Girl: That’s a lie. You met me here. I did not see your gallon when I came here. (The girl was ventilating so fast at per second billing, 120 words per second: cha cha cha cha ta ta ta ta ta)

Boy: em em … (Hesitating, trying to find the right words.)

Girl: ta ta ta ta ta ta (She continued in clean Queen’s English)

Boy: (Noticing how outspoken and fluent the girl was in the crowded queue, he thought of the embarrassment that will result if the argument continues, he kept quiet and stayed where he was. Maybe in his mind he reasons: he who argues and keeps quiet will live to argue another day.)

That was how he gave up to superior verbal prowess. Studies have shown that ladies use their language skills more when they are competing for something, like in the above altercation and that they can easily manipulate information in the process. You know if you not good in spoken English, when you are having a conversation with someone who’s adept at the language, it’s usually a tough battle. You reason what you should say next and the grammatical expressions you will use to convey the message. You have the luxury of doing this in a slow conversation. That won’t be the case if you have to speak hastily like the case cited above.

2. Men who are married or in a relationship can learn a lot from the studies I cited earlier. Ladies are blessed with the gift of speech and language and so often, they put this skill to use. Sometimes it’s so interesting to hear them speak. At other times, it can be such a bore. All the same, appreciating the fact that by nature ladies are generally talkative, can help the man show more understanding and love. That is how they were created! You know when someone is very good at something that individual will always look for an avenue to showcase that talent. For ladies, their gift of speech requires a listening audience. If you are the husband or friend and you don’t provide the audience that she needs, don’t you think she will look for another audience that will show more understanding? If this new audience is a guy who listens patiently and attentively, well, that could be a warning sign of danger.

3. Ladies who are fluent in a language like English are not necessarily bright. They are endowed with the innate ability to learn a language better and faster. That does not readily translate to been intelligent. So, the spoken word may not be the true test of a lady’s intelligence. This point is important for different reasons. There are guys who like ladies that are smart. Some want to marry a lady who’s intelligent (so as to give birth to intelligent children or represent them responsibly in their line of work). If you are in this group, don't be fooled by fluent speech. There are oral interviews that are used as basis for employing workers and some employers may reason that fluency is a sure sign of intelligence. That is not entirely the case. A lady, or even a guy, can be fluent but may not meet up in other aspects of the job. If an employer is looking for a receptionist or PR officer, it’s understandable to look for fluency, but when the job requires certain non-verbal skills, using fluency as an index of comparison, can be misleading. You may have worked in a place where certain individuals are very good in speech-making and yet they are found wanting in other vital skills.

4. Ladies, your speech and language skills is a gift from God. Please, use it wisely. A gift when put in good use, can be a thing of joy to behold, but when abused, it can very damaging to the owner and those around. Remember, too much of anything is bad. Take it easy. It’s not all the time you need to prove your superior verbal prowess. There are times when a few words or complete silence is adorable. Speech is silver but silence is golden. It is said that the differences in the brains of men and women is a good thing. It helps a man and woman to come together and complement one another. They can thus work together to achieve a common goal. A lady has her gifts. A man has his gifts. It’s a thing of great beauty when these gifts are nurtured and used for the betterment of humanity and the good of those around us.

Jokes - "Funny Things We See – The Brain is booting!

Folks! When you fall asleep; it’s like when a computer or phone is put off. When you wake up; it’s like when a computer or phone is put back on. It will take a while to boot. While booting, d system can’t work effectively. Likewise, when we wake up from sleep, it will take a while for our brains to boot. For some their brains boot faster than others. It also depends on how u woke up: suddenly or gradually. The slower you wake up, the more efficient the booting. Allow me cite some funny experiences. Please, no offense intended. ‘Na joke o!’

Fire: There was this single bachelor (forgive my language, repetition for emphasis) who was living alone in an apartment building that has many rooms and co-tenants. Each room is a self-contained accommodation. One day, this guy got back from work tired, exhausted and hungry. He went into d kitchen to make himself dinner. While waiting for the food to be cooked, he decided to lie down on his bed for a while. That was how he fell asleep with his food on fire. Soon the food was burning and d whole room was enveloped with smoke. The smoke woke him up too suddenly. See what happened:
(Brain still booting) He said: What! What’s burning? Kor’kor’kor(coughing)
(Brain still booting) He opened his door and went outside. ‘Who is burning food at this time of the night?’ He went knocking the doors of his neighbours: ‘Who is cooking o? Something is burning.’
(Brain finished booting. He then remembered he was cooking before he slept) ‘What, My food!’ He then rushed back inside his room, entered his kitchen and quickly removed his pot of burnt offerings from the fire and put off his cooking appliance, saying to himself: ‘Thank God ooo! Na so person take dey die.’

Examinations! There was this university undergraduate (I nor call person name ooo) who was preparing for exams. A night to the exam, he studied late into the night. He slept very late (Brain was fagged out.) Exam was to start 8am. My guy woke up by 9am. Listen:

(Brain still booting) He stood up. ‘Waoh! I need to read for my exams tomorrow’ He carried his book and started reading. (His mates were almost half-way into d exams he was reading for)

(Brain still booting) ‘Uhmmm! Let me cram this area of concentration (AOC) that our lecturer gave us.

(Brain finished booting. He then remembered.) ‘O MY GOD! Today is d day of d exam. O mine. What! It’s 9:15am and exam ought to start by 8am. Oh no. Nooooooo!’

He then rushed to d exam hall. Don’t ask me how it ended. Just tell him, ‘Sorry o. e kpele oooooo.’

Thievery! One guy fell asleep after a marathon of hard work. While asleep someone broke into his apartment and made away with some of his valuables. Finally, he woke up.

(Brain is booting) ‘Whoa! I must have slept for hours.’ He said to himself. He then noticed his door was opened. ‘Oh, my door is open. I must have left it opened. Oh, I keep forgetting to lock my door. One day, thieves will come in and steal my things.’

(Brain is still booting) He went to the door to close it when he noticed that the lock was damaged. ‘Locks these days, they don’t last. I have to call a carpenter to fix it.’ He now saw a neighbour passing by: ‘Juliet, please do you know a carpenter around? The lock to my door is bad. I need a carpenter to fix it.’
Juliet answered: ‘There is a carpenter in the adjoining street.’
My guy: ‘Thanks, I’ll go and change so that I can go call him.’
He now entered his house.

(Brain finished booting and he came back to his full senses) While searching for what shirt to put on, he noticed something was not right. His things were scattered all over the place. He suddenly realized someone broke into his house to steal. ‘What! My phones! My Blackberry! My laptop! O my God. (With both hands on his head) Why? Why? Oh Why…….

Don’t ask me if he went for the Carpenter or the Police. Just tell him: ‘Sorry ooooooooooooooooooooo! Such is life o. As far as there is life, there is hope. It could have been worse!’

Every Man should be held to Account!

In 1887, Lord Acton wrote in a letter:

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men (Powerful men} are almost always bad men, even when they exercise influence and not authority, still more when you superadd the tendency or the certainty of corruption by authority.” – Wikipedia.org (Words in parenthesis are mine)

125 years later with all the “advancement,” “progress,” “civilization,” or “technology,” his words still rings true. I have said it before and I will say it again:

“Man is best behaved when he knows that he is accountable to another.”

Yes, man needs checks and balances: a system whereby his actions can be called into account. He needs someone else to tell him that there is a line and that when he crosses that line, he would be held to account. No matter how wise or noble or good-natured a man is, he needs someone else to tell him when and where he has gone too far, otherwise his good assets could become a liability. Moses led the children of Israel meritoriously for so many years but when he crossed a line, he was called into question by a higher authority. Though he was punished by not getting into the Promised Land, Moses was the wiser and better when he was called into account. If Moses had not been called into account at that moment he fell short, he would have gone into a slippery slope and done something far worse than his initial offense.

Let me tell you a story I heard from a friend years ago. It happened in the students’ cafeteria in school. There are many food outlets in one housing complex. The owners of these outlets each had boys and girls that serve as cooks, waiters and the likes. Sometimes, a boy or girl working in one outlet would leave there for another outlet in the same complex, maybe due to change in working conditions, downsizing of staffs or closure. There was this particular girl who left one outlet for another. In her former food outlet, the owner did not enforce strict accountability, the staffs had some liberties. For example, when she is hungry or she desires to eat, she can pick a fried meat from the counter and eat it quickly and no one will notice. But in this new outlet she moved to, the rules were different. The owner maintained scrupulous accountability. This girl was not aware of this, so one day, she was hungry and as before she went to the counter, as she was about picking a piece of fried meat, her co-worker who saw her quickly warned her: ‘Dem dey count am. Dem dey count am.’ This new girl quickly withdrew her hand. You might say that picking a small piece of meat is a minor offense. That said, it’s been written, ‘He who is unfaithful in what is least will be unfaithful in what is much.’ If she was allowed to continue on her course, one day she will come across something bigger and make away with it.

We all need accountability. Even the angels in heaven are accountable to another. The angels are created in hierarchies; it is not far-fetched to reason that this enhances accountability. The angels are free-spirited just like man and they too have a system of accountability. That was why when one of them erred and failed to heed to corrections, he was punished and also all those who chose his path were punished. Accountability is not lack of freedom. Accountability ensures that people exercise their freedom in such a way as not to infringe on the freedoms and rights of others. God is almighty and all powerful, but in his love, he bounds Himself with His standards. Whatever He does is always a reflection of His laws and principles. In the same light, he has put in place and allowed a system of accountability for all his creation, both in heaven and on earth. This ensures order and the universe bears the hallmarks of that order. Those who choose to set aside this arrangement only succeed in ensuring anarchy, discord and untold harm and destruction. No man should be left with no one to account to. Man has and will always abuse unchecked power and unlimited authority. The past 125 years after the words of Lord Acton were written bears testimony to the veracity of his statement: “Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

Just a Thought – The Opinions We Hold!

The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (7th Edition) defines an opinion as:

1. Your feelings or thoughts about somebody/something, rather than a fact. (Synonymous with the word ‘view’)

2. Beliefs or views of a group of people. (Like a legal opinion)

3. Advice from a professional person.

I’m interested in the first meaning of the word, ‘opinion.’ Your opinion about an idea or a subject or an individual is what you feel or think about that thing or person in question. It is not necessarily the fact of the matter. Daniel Patrick Moynihan, a former US Senator, was quoted as saying: “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not to his own facts.” This underscores the point that facts are facts and yet we hold our own opinions all the same and our own opinions may or may not be in line with the facts at hand. Worse still, there are times when the facts are murky and there is nothing concrete to rely on. Nevertheless, we always hold an opinion of the events and things that confront us on a daily basis. It does not matter whether we express it or not, the fact is we hold an opinion of everything that goes on around us. Put in other words, we all hold an opinion of what goes on around us; whether we express it or not and the manner we choose to express it is a matter of personal choices and principles. Choosing not to express an opinion publicly or even privately does not preclude the very fact that you hold one.

Some are of the view that we all must express our opinions on all issues at all times. That’s not right; human history and common wisdom does not support that. There are times when keeping your opinion to yourself could be a course of wisdom. There are times when it’s not safe to openly express certain personal views and opinions. It’s not thoughtful or loving of anyone to express views that will unnecessarily endanger their lives and the lives of others. There is the right time and place for everything under the earth. Keeping your opinion to yourself can be a lot better than expressing it at the wrong time and/or the wrong place. Every now and then we come across certain individuals who make a negative impression of themselves but they don't need to know how we really feel or think about them at all times. Let’s not forget that expressing an opinion in line with the laws of the land is a basic human right and it is also within the purview of the law if you choose not to exercise that right. At other times, we don’t have enough facts to warrant public declaration of the opinion we hold. Why not take the time to find out more about it and ponder more about the issue and see if it is worth expressing in the first place. Remember, when you openly express your opinion to others about a certain matter, you can’t take it back and if you were wrong, the best you could do is apologize, you can’t un-express it.

Another food for thought is the medium through which you express your opinion and the manner in which you do so. Certain opinions can be safely aired in the company of close family members or friends. Others are expressed at schools or places of work to other students or colleagues. Some others can be shared to a wider audience via social media or other public means of social interactions. Nonetheless, the manner in which an opinion is expressed is all the more important. Bearing in mind that opinions are largely personal views and not necessarily factual statements, when we say it with humility and tact, others who hear it are more likely to be more receptive and then forgiving if your opinion eventually turns out to be wrong or misleading. Yeah, how you say it may be worth more than what you say. At others times, some allow their actions to show where they stand. For example, instead of merely expressing belief in honesty or hard work, they show by their behaviour and attitude where they stand on such issues. So, by the way we live our lives and by our priorities in life, we can make bold statements about where our opinions lie on certain issues. A man can publicly condemn governmental authorities about misplaced priorities and ineptitude while in his own personal life he’s inept and lack the right priorities.

Overall, speech is silver, but silence is golden. It takes great strength of character and objectivity not to respond or express your opinion when provoked to do so. Let’s say, someone insults you and you have long held some negative opinions about that person, it will take a great deal not to say anything and walk away in silence. Jesus was the master speaker but there were occasions when he kept silent in the face of criticism and ridicule. Yet, in silence, he proved that he was a man of wisdom. Yes! It’s a course of wisdom to keep certain opinions to ourselves. We are all guided by some set of principles and rules. Just like someone will choose not to comment on obscene pictures or statements even though he/she holds an opinion on them, others choose not to comment directly and/or indirectly on certain inflammatory sociopolitical issues not because he/she holds no opinion on that matter but he/she, guided by personal principles and standards, opts not to express any opinion at all. Essentially, we all strive to keep silent when there is a greater good at stake. Yes, there are times when silence achieves a lot more than many speeches. In other words, on some occasions, a lot more can be achieved in silence.

While some say that bad things happen because good people choose to keep silent, remember expressing oneself without care or thought or due regard to principles of good conduct can be tantamount to doing what is bad. Also, not all the good in this world was achieved by talking or verbal expressions or overt social activism. A lot have been accomplished by good deeds, proper conduct, hard work, honesty, humility, kindness and the likes. That is, we can fight for a good course in our society by working hard and living by example. We don’t necessarily have to come out to shout on top of our voices while doing something contrary in private. In essence, there are different ways we can express our opinions and those opinions largely reflect on our knowledge, our experience, our beliefs and values. Don’t be quick to judge a man for keeping certain opinions to himself. Take the time to look at the person’s life holistically and you will know and come to realize where he stands even without him uttering a word. Yes, whether we like it or not, whether we say it or not, we all hold an opinion of what goes on around us and whether we choose to express it verbally or otherwise is a matter of choice and principle. I rest my case. Peace!

Resist the Temptation to always correct others!

We all make mistakes. No one is above making errors and no one knows everything. It can be very comforting when these things are brought to our attention by friends, colleagues or family members; we thus endeavour to make amends. Just as much as we love to make amends when corrected, we also feel obligated to correct other people when they too make mistakes. The act of correcting others when they make mistakes can be intuitive and spontaneous; sometimes we don’t give it much thought before doing it. For others, it can be a force of habit. There are people who relish the opportunity to correct others and they actively scrutinize what other people do in order to point out their mistakes. Now, there is a truism in the saying, ‘Too much of anything is bad.’ Many of us want genuine correction when we make mistakes, but no one wants to be admonished at all times. It’s very frustrating when all you hear are the things you did wrong. We already know that we make mistakes as humans but to have someone else rob it on our face at every given opportunity can be very annoying and that can make one feel less human. Thus, even when we are dead right, sometimes it’s courteous and humane to resist the temptation of correcting other people. Let me illustrate this point with the following real life examples:

You are not fluent in English and you are going out it with someone who speaks the language eloquently. How will you feel if that individual corrects every grammatical error you make? ‘Sorry, it’s not ‘is,’ ‘was’ is more appropriate.’ ‘Why do you keep using ‘I shall’ instead of ‘I will’? It’s irritating. You are out on a date and you are afraid to speak because your date has taken it upon him/her to be your English teacher. Instead of your discussions to be an English class, it would be an act of love if we occasionally resist the temptation to correct the other person. Remember, there is the time and place for everything.

You have a colleague at work who always call attention to only the things you did wrong. He/she does not commend you for the things you did right. While it helps to point out what the other person did wrong, especially when the person is new on the job, there are insignificant errors that you can overlooked. When you overlook some inconsequential mistakes, you give yourself the latitude to come in when there’s a serious mistake or when a pattern of mistakes comes to the fore. It also helps to commend other colleagues for doing a good job; so that on the day they do badly, calling their attention to it would be received warmly.

In our interactions on Facebook, Twitter, and the like, sometimes we notice when people make mistakes. You can lovingly call their attention to it publicly or better still privately. But don’t make it a habit. It’s unkind to draw the attention of others to every mistake they make. Even when you are dead right, let some comments or contributions pass on as innocent mistakes or personal opinions. It’s doesn’t help online friendship and interactions if other people see you as Mr./Mrs./Miss Know-it-all. No one knows it all and no one is above mistakes. How often we find we find out that something we had passionately argued about before was wrong in light of new information!

Resisting the impulse to always be Mr. Right is a virtue. There are times when speech is silver and silence is golden. Letting go of some things can be a course of wisdom. Being patient and holding back on some occasions can make it easier for us to think it through and make more research or inquiry to ascertain the facts. Knowledge is not static; it’s dynamic. Some of the things we knew before have changed or evolved. Taking the time to check and crosscheck facts in light of new information can help us make more accurate and appropriate inputs into whatever endeavour we are engaged in. When we are in a hurry to correct others, we might end up looking foolish if we turn out to be on the wrong. You may look smart when you quickly correct others, but you garner more respect and approval when you patiently and responsibly call attention to the errors of others. Remember, a wise man is quick in hearing but slow in speaking. Even when you are right, it’s an act of love to overlook some inconsequential errors! It’s also an exercise in self-control when we resist the temptation to always correct others. A word to the wise: a word of genuine praise is more powerful than a thousand words of needless criticism.