A word a day … (11-01-13)!

As humans we all make mistakes and we are prone to our frailties and weaknesses. It takes an understanding friend to see beyond the surface and unravel the wonderful personality and qualities hidden beneath. It would be unfortunate if we fail to see the good and lovely sides of our friends. That would be a missed opportunity.

To a friend, I say: ‘You are wonderful! I hope others will have the patience and time to know that.’

Jokes in Pidgin English (8) - Police too na human being!

Years ago, e get one policeman wen dey guard one bank. If you see dis man wit 

em gun in front of d bank, u go think say 'no shaking,' 'nothin dey happen' like 

2face. One day something happen oh. The policeman just dey relax 4 one shop 

near d bank, na em some guys show wit automatic pump action: 

'kpakpakpakpa kpukpukpukpu gborgborgbor.' Before u say Jack, d policeman 

run hide under one woman wrapper, 'cover me, cover me.' I nor blame d guy 

because police too na human being!

U know say if armed robbers dey rob somewhere and u call police, dem go 

delay, wait for sometime. When dem reason say d robbers don go, dem go show 

wit their 1960's guns, 'Where dem? Where d robbers?' As if, if dem meet d 

robbers, na die. E come get one day, police hear say robbers dey rob 

somewhere. Dem come delay. When dem calculate d time wen d robbers 

suppose don comot, dem come enter motor drive to d area. As dem reach d 

area, dem hear gunshots 'kpakpakpakpukpu,' na so d police make sharp U-

turn, 'dem still dey, dem still dey.' Na so dem run from d scene. Nor blame dem. 

Police too na human being!

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (10-01-13)

Sequel to the one I wrote in the morning, here’s another one. Some words are used very loosely; for example, brother, sister, friend, etc. The fact is: not everyone is your brother or sister or friend. It will be a great thing if that was possible, but the reality is that it’s not possible. The dictionary has a specific and restricted definition of ‘brother,’ ‘sister,’ and ‘friend.’ Anyways, that is beside the point. The story goes like this:

A man heard that his rich and wealthy neighbour who has been sick and flown abroad is late. He decided to pay a condolence visit to the man’s relatives. When he got to the rich man’s house, to his surprise, no one was at home except the lonely gatekeeper. Well, instead of just returning home, he decided to stay for a bit and chat with the gatekeeper. While there, three Jeep cars pulled up to the house. They asked about the whereabouts of those in the residence. The neighbourly guy who was visiting was interested in the visitors: men with dark corporate suits. He thought they brought some goodies and why lose out of the deal.

“Well, the others are not around, but the late Chief is my ‘brother.’ If you have any message or things to drop, I’ll make sure the others know about it.”

The men said, while flashing their badges: “We are members of EFCC (Economic and Financial Crimes Commission). We are here to take over this property and to arrest some members of the family who connived with the Chief in committing grave financial crimes. Sir, you have to come with us.”

The brotherly neighbour replied: “Actually… Actually… I’m not his brother. I’m just the neighbour. I live down the street. Ask the gateman, please.”

Uhmmm… When all is good, ‘he’s my brother; she’s my sister; he’s my friend’ with no definition! But when things go south, ‘actually… actually, he’s not really my brother; see, his maternal grandfather and my paternal grandmother are from the same village.’ Yeah, when things go bad, the terms ‘brother,’ ‘sister,’ ‘friend’ would be well defined. ‘We were not really friends. We just lived in the same neighbourhood and went to the same school.’ It’s all good. We know every. 

My piece for the day … (10-01-13)!

Disappointment!

It’s a great thing when we get the things we hoped for. Whether we dreamt about it, worked hard for it, received a promise about it, or prayed for it, it’s a lofty feeling to have your expectations met. That aside we live in an imperfect world. Lots of bad things happen. Stealing, lying, cheating, scamming, and things like these happen. Stuff happens! One of such stuff is disappointment! People make promises all the time. It could be a written or verbal agreement. It could be the taking or lending or payment of loans. It could be a vow: marriage mates, office-holders, and career oath-takers. It could be a simple promise: ‘I’ll pick your laundry on my way back from work’; ‘I will pay you a visit this weekend’; ‘I’m on the road, I’ll call you when I get home’. Even simple promises like these are not met at times. Some persons don’t see anything wrong to make a promise and fail to meet up with their word; they see it as normal. These persons don’t recognize that when you make a promise and you deliberately fail to meet up with that promise even though it was within you power to do so and you thereafter, felt no remorse about what you’ve done: you lied! You are a liar! Worst still, some make promises that they, ab initio, have no intention of keeping whatsoever!

Now, that’s beside my point. Some of us are used to having our demands met. Such individuals are not used to disappointments; they always have their way. That is why, people like that get utterly shocked and dejected when they face up with disappointments. Dear friends, disappointments are part of this life. We don’t always get what we want and that may be for good reasons. Sometimes, we, particularly young ones, want things that we don’t need or things that may be harmful to us. Fallible humans can’t always keep all their promises. Disappointment is real. So, we live with it. We spend a critical part of our adulthood learning that we can’t always get what we want and people don’t always keep their promises. Accepting this reality is part of growing up.

What’s important is not whether or not other people will disappoint us, that is a proven certainty; what’s important is how we prepare for that disappointment. The way we prepare for disappointments go a long way to tell how we react to them and how well we fare with them. The thing is: we should always have it in the back of our mind that ANYONE can disappoint us. It’s a fact. Be surprised when others keep their promises. Don’t be surprised when they don’t. It’s not pessimistic to expect disappointment; it’s realistic. A friend once told me in school back in the day: ‘There is nothing wrong to hope for the best while preparing for the worst.’ Those who are more adversely affected with disappointments are those who fail to prepare for such reality; those who live in an alter reality. We save for the future, make plans for tomorrow, acquire things of different interests and value, not laying all our egg s in one basket, and take measures to protect ourselves from whatever harm there is in the unforeseeable future; we do all this because, as adults, we have grown to accept that we live in a world that is filled and full of disappointments! The next time you make a promise to someone, put yourself in the shoes of that person and ask yourself, ‘How will I feel if I’m disappointed or let down?’ We can make our world a little better when we say what we mean and mean what we say. On the short run, people don’t like individuals who speak with sincerity, truth and candour, but on the long run, such individuals earn the respect of others. It’s the exact opposite for those who make insincere and false promises. We can live with disappointment; what we can’t live with is being the disappointment.

Jokes in Pidgin English (7) - ‘Na my brother!’

When you dey inside hospital, you go see many funny things. I was in the clinic one day, one staff bring one patient and wanted us to see the patient immediately, saying: ‘Na my brother! Na my brother! Abeg, attend to am.’ After attending to the patient, the patient was admitted to the ward. Patient was in the ward for hours, but he could not buy the drugs he needed. Why? No money. No moni. After I was told that the patient has not bought his drugs, I ran into ‘na my brother’ staff.

Me: ‘How far? You brother dey ward for long and he never buy em drugs. Wetin dey happen?’

His reply: ‘Actually, actually, he’s not my brother. We are from the same area. I just decided to help him see the doctor.’

Me: ‘Na my brother don turn to actually abi? Look, helping him to see the doctor is no help. He could have seen the doctor without your help. Now, he needs drugs. He actually needs your help now.’

Staff: ‘Likita, I dey come. I dey come.’

That was the last time we saw ‘na my brother’ cum ‘actually no be my brother’ staff. ‘Na my brother.’ ‘Na my brother.’ Na who be my brother? ‘Na my brother’ is been overused and abused. ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’ as the saying goes. In the same light, ‘na my brother in need, na my brother true true, oh. Abi? I rest my case.

A word a day … (09-01-13)!

There was a time in my life when I almost gave up on a good fight, a career achievement. Then I sat down and I reasoned within:

‘What story will I tell my children? That I struggled and gave up? Or that I struggled, persisted, endured, defied the odds, shook off the doubts and came out successful? What will I tell my children?'

That helped me a lot. It might help you too.

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (09-01-13)

One beautiful lady went to a fast-food joint to buy a take-away food pack. On her way out, she was approached by a young man.

 

'Hi, beauty! Where are you heading?'

Lady: 'I'm not interested!'

The guy smiled and said, 'Do you care for a ride?'

Lady: 'Which part of I'm not interested, don't you understand?'

Guy: 'Just the part where I drop you off with my new baby,’ pointing to a brand new SUV parked nearby.

She blushed & said, 'oh ooo … I thought you were one of these boys from around here. You know this area is not safe. I learnt that they kidnap people for rituals,’ while entering the SUV. (Yeah, ritualists don't drive SUVs, right?)