A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (14-01-13)

Juju Juju! One Italian man woke up in his house one morning and saw a wedding ring on his finger. He freaked: ‘Cosa! (meaning ‘what’)

To his surprise a black lady walked up to him in his bed-room. ‘Calmare.’ (meaning calm down). ‘Have you forgotten? We just came back from Nigeria where we did our traditional and white wedding. You are now my marito.’ (meaning husband)
The Italian man screamed: Dio mio (meaning oh my God) and fainted.
‘il mio amore, svegliati.(meaning my love, wake up) The honeymoon has just started.’

A word a day … (14-01-13)!

When you are far from home, at first you feel like a stranger. As time passes by you begin to feel at home and then you have this experience of having found a new home. At that point, you take for granted that you are far from home. But from time to time and every now and then you receive this jolting reminder that you are far from home and that there is no place that can take the place of your real home. Home is home.

Jokes in Pidgin English (11)

The pipeline explosion in Ogun State on Saturday reminded me of something. Nor be today this thing dey happen and we never still learn. Many years ago, pipeline explode for Jesse as men dey hustle to siphon fuel. E get one man wen escape the Jesse fire but he still get burn marks for em face. Sometime later, when another pipeline burst for Ogharra. The same man was seen with his burnt face hustling to siphon fuel. He never learn, abi? So, this man don turn veteran or professional for stealing fuel from burst NNPC pipelines. One day, another pipeline burst. This guy carry em 50L jerry can to go work again (ochofree). Na so the wife grab the guy, ‘ where you dey go? You nor dey go any way.’ Nor do nor do, na so the man drop em jerry can sit down for house make em nor bring quarrel. The wife deceive the man enter house, she come lock the door for outside so that the man nor go escape go another burst-pipeline-free-for-all-parade.

Much later, when the wife open door, na so my guy provoke: ‘What’s the meaning of all this? Why did you lock me inside?’

Wife: ‘Relax, you too like quarrel?’

Husband: ‘Why I nor go quarrel? You don make me loss this opportunity.’

Wife: ‘Cool down, save your energy. Look well. I don go fill the 50L jerry can with fuel. Oya, go sell am.’

Husband: ‘So, you go where the pipeline burst? You nor dey fear?

Wife: ‘Before unko. You think say i go let you go before. Who you wan die leave the 10 children for before?’

MY PIECE FOR TODAY {14-01-13} IN THEIR GRIEF, THEY FOUND A COURSE – MOHAMED BOUAZIZI AND THE ARAB AWAKENING! (GRIEF SERIES REDACTED VOL. 3)

It was once thought that a revolution was a far-fetched idea in the Arab world. Many were of the view that the people in the Arabic-speaking countries of Libya, Egypt, Syria and others were too naïve to foster the notion of a rebellion. In these countries were long-serving heads of states and presidents who lord it over their subjects. Perhaps, these leaders were also of the view that their people were incapable of leading movements that would lead to their ouster from power. For so many years that was the case. Different small groups sought the removal of these leaders from office but to no avail. But that was to end. One man changed the social stereotypes of the Arab people. It was not an army general. It was not a renowned academia or a social crusader. No, it was a street vendor in the name of Mohamed Bouazizi.

He lost his father to a heart attack when he was just 3 years of age. The mother later married one of his uncles. Along with his six siblings, he studied in a one-room village school. He started working at the age of 10 due to the poor health of the uncle who married his mother. He left school when he was a teenager to work full-time to support his family. He applied for jobs on several occasions with no success. He even wanted to enlist in the army but his request was denied. He resorted to using a wheelbarrow to sell small items like fruits and vegetables along the street in the area where he lived. Just like what I witnessed in the streets of Benin City where I schooled years ago, Bouazizi became a target of the local security personnel who constantly harassed him for a vendor’s permit. His items were confiscated on several occasions. Things came to a head in the morning of December 17th, 2010, when a group of local officials led by a female officer physically assaulted Bouazizi, confiscated his weighing scales and tossed aside his wheelbarrow. In anger, Bouazizi went to the administrative office to complain and demand his scales back but no one granted him audience. Out of sheer frustration, he went to a nearby fuel station, bought a can of fuel, came back to the government office, stood in the middle of the road, doused himself with the fuel and set himself ablaze, all the while saying, ‘How do you expect me to make a living?’ He was rushed to hospital and 18 days later on the 4th of January, 2011 he died on account of the severe burns he suffered during his self-immolation. His death and funeral sparked giant protests and in a matter of days those protests led to the end of the rule of Tunisian President, Ben Ali, who had ruled his country for 23 years. Before long, the protests spread to neighbouring Egypt and Libya with the ouster of their respective long-standing rulers. Yes! What was once thought to be impossible for years and decades came to pass in a matter of months.

(Specifics of this story was sought from wikipedia.org)

Please, don’t concentrate on the manner of death of Bouazizi. It’s abominable in almost every culture or religion to take your own life. But this is not just about him or his manner of death. Remember we defined grief in the first of these series as the ‘reaction to loss.’ Grief is not just about the manner of loss but it has to do with the way we respond to such loss. How did the Tunisians, the Egyptians, the Libyans and the rest of the Arab world respond to the death of Bouazizi? Their reactions and the consequent reverberations of those actions buttress the point: there is power in grief. In their grief over the death of Bouazizi, his country men and women found a course: the fight to make accountable those who created such an intolerable environment of greed and corruption vis-à-vis oppression of the disadvantaged majority of the population. You may not agree with the way they responded any more you agree on the manner of Bouazizi’s death. Some may even point to the uncertainties and insecurity in the region. But that is a subject of a different discourse. My point is: in grief, the people in the Arab world achieved in months what years and decades of other endeavours failed to achieve. These people have suffered and endured the same system and injustices for years and decades yet they did not revolt. Different activist groups and individuals in those countries and abroad have tried several times without success to galvanize the people to protests against their leaders. All these efforts were abortive. In the end, it was a death and the grief and sorrow that met with that death that led the people to find a course which led to the overthrow of leaders who had outlived a generation in their hold of power. Yes! In grief and deep sorrow, they found a course.

P.S. I wrote this piece a few days after the unfortunate crash of the Dana Airlines plane in Lagos on the 3rd of June, 2012. – Dr. Eugene A. O

Jokes in Pidgin English (10)

Once upon a time, there was John going out with Mary. Things nor work out as planned, so dem come separate/break-up. Later later, Mary come enter another relationship with another person. Na so she pick phone call John: ‘Hello, John, I've entered a new relationship.’

When she dey engaged, she call John again, ‘Hello John, please rejoice with me, oh. I’m engaged to Peter.’

When the marriage date reach, she call John: ‘Johnny Johnny, I’m getting married, oh.’

When she born her first child: ‘John, I’ve put to birth.’

When the pikin begin waka: ‘Johneee, Junior has started walking.’

My people, why is John receiving regular updates from his ex? Wetin dey her mind true true: ‘John, see you na. Wen you leave me that time, you think say my own nor go better, abi?. See me naaaaaaaaaa. I don engage. I don marry. I don born. My own don better.’

All this while, John nor complain. So, later later, things come dey happen for John side, he come decide to retaliate:

‘Hello Mary, how far now? I don travel out oh.’

‘Hello, Marianno, how Junior? I don marry one whiteeee. Check Facebook you go see the pictures.’

‘Hello, Mary Mary, I don born whiteeee. Na girl, so I call am Maria-bet.’

‘Hello, Mary. I dey come Naija next month. I go like take my family come visit you.’

Mary reply: ‘Wetin, wetin. Na only u first travel out. Which one be this one na. Abeg, nor call me again. You dey disturb me.’

John: ‘Mary, nor vex. Calm down now… hello… hello…hello (the number you are calling is switched off..... The number you are calling no longer exist in our network. Please, check your number and dial again...)

End of tory!  

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (13-01-13)

Poor man! Let’s call him John. He woke up one morning and set out for work. He met his neighbour as he walked along. ‘Good morning!’

Neighbour replied: ‘Hello, how do you do?’

When he got to work, he greeted his co-worker. The co-worker replied:

‘Hello, you look dull. Did you sleep at all? What did you do?’

When he closed from work, he paid his best friend a visit. Jane has been a close friend for years and has been expecting her guy to man up and take their friendship to the next level. So, on this fateful day, Jane raised the issue again:

“You know we are not getting younger. All our mates are now married. Please, when are we going to say, ‘I do.’?”

John thought to himself:

‘How come every one is saying ‘do,’ ‘do,’ ‘do.’ today? Well, it’s night time. I’m done for today. Let me go to bed.’

While asleep, he had a dream. In his dream, a mad man was running after him with a cutlass. John was running as fast as he could all the while screaming, ‘What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?’ The mad man replied in a song:

‘Do me, I do you oh, o yeah! I nor run anymore. If I dey run before oh, I nor run anymore. If you do me, I go do you. Face me, I go face you. Rock me, I go rock you.’

John: ‘I nor do you anything oh.’ ‘I nor do nothing oh.’

Mad man: ‘You come knock on my door oh. E don happen oh. The thing wen you dey find oh, you go see am oh.’

John stepped on something and fell down. The mad man closed in on him and raised the cutlass to strike. At that moment, John woke up.

He suddenly realized he was having a nightmare. He shouted:

‘Wetin I do when you love me so. Jesus I love you oh, wellu wellu. Eh eh en, wellu wellu.’

Please, let’s call him John Dodo or John Doe. That’s it. I’m done.

A word a day … (13-01-13)!

While no one has it all, some certainly have it more. Nonetheless, what is more important is how well you make use of what you have. More often than not we focus on what we don’t have rather than on what we do have. Instead of asking, ‘How can I get what I don’t have?’ why not ask, ‘What can I do with what I have? How can I make better use of what I have now?’?