A word a day … (18-01-13)!

Once in a while, in the course of your daily routine, pause for a moment and observe the things around you. Ponder on what you've observed. There is power in observation.

Jokes in Pidgin English (15)

These days there are so many caller tunes. All mobile networks now run caller tunes. Those days, when you make a call, you hear a ring, ‘krikri krikri or pumpum pumpum’

But now, tori don change. You make call now, wetin you go hear:

“If you want to save this tune, press 1: ‘I get money o, kukere kukere kukere…’” (You go see person wen never chop dey dance ‘I get money o…’ Which kind money? You nor go conserve the small energy wen dey your body… mschew)

“If you want to save this tune press 1: ‘Chop my money eee, Chop my money eee cuz… I don’t care… I get am plenty’” (if Junior or Janet carry your money run, nor complain o. Because everyday, wen dem call you from your shop, wetin dem go first hear, ‘Chop my money. Chop my money.’ The money too much, abi? Go dash people wen need am na, shuo!)

E get one man, the name na Audu. Audu na mechanic for city. When e wan marry, e go villa (village) go marry wife wen dey hear small small English. One day, Audu go work. The wife come carry hanset call Audu. Being that Audu dey work, e nor dey with em phone. Phone come dey ring: ‘I would die for you. Lay down my life you.’ When the wife hear, “ I would die for you,’ she come dey cry. Her younger sister come ask her why she dey cry. ‘I dey call Audu, somebody come pick the phone say ‘Audu don die.’ ‘Haba, you sure? Make we call the number again.’

Phone ring again: ‘I would die for you. Lay down my life for you.’

The sister laugh, ‘You self. The person say Audu go dye em hair. You know say Audu get white hair.’

‘Na lie.’ Argument start. To settle the matter, they go ask the gateman.

Gateman come form consultant. He dial the number. Phone ring again. Same message. Consultant Gateman: ‘Audu say him don die.’ (dead man speaking). Wife come dey sob. Later later, Audu show.

Wife: ‘Loo, I call your phone. You say you don die.’

Audu: ‘Nor mind those children wen dey play with my phone for workplace. Dem don spoil my phone.’

Audu and co… Dem threemuch…

Experiences; Lessons Learnt (2) - Happy old Lady!

While shopping in an open market in Kano, I walked by an elderly lady. She was all smiles. I wondered what was making this old lady so happy. She was clutching a brand new transistor radio to her chest. Apparently, she just bought it and felt so delighted about her new acquisition. ‘Is it not just a small radio set?’ You may wonder. Well, if I buy that same radio and send it to my elderly aunt in the South, she may not share the excitement of this woman I saw. It got me thinking:

Our happiness is not determined by the (material) worth of the things we own; rather our happiness is derived from the value we place on the things we own.

My Reflections!

A word a day … (17-01-13)!

Sometimes we all make foolish mistakes. That does not make you a fool. It only makes you human. The way we respond to such mistakes is what counts the most. Our reaction matters more because at this point wisdom and foolishness part ways.

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (17-01-13)

Facebook-induced Marriage. Once upon a time, if a lady wants to encourage her ‘guy’ to step up (man up), she would drag him to attend her friends’ weddings! These days, no need for that: we have Facebook. Biodun loved Dupe but Biodun was not taking the relationship to the next level, I meant, ‘to the permanent site.’ Any time Biodun visits Dupe, Dupe will open her Facebook page. ‘My dear, look at these pictures. So lovely, that’s Mary and her husband. Mary and I were classmates in school. Oh, I love this one. Look at the ring, splendid.’
Another visit: ‘Come! Come. This is Sandra. She was in the same class with my baby sister. She just got married. Waoh!’
Another visit: ‘Come and look.’
‘Dupe, I brought you a present.’ Dupe hopes were up. Biodun then brought out a brand new Blackberry phone. ‘Oh, oh oh….’
‘You don’t like it?’
‘No, I like it. It’s very womanly.’
(In Dupe's mind: Ode(fool), Blackberry and engagement ring na de same thing?)

Experiences; Lessons Learnt (1) Talents!

On my way up North some time ago, I got to the Park in Benin. When the bus was fully loaded and we were preparing for departure, a young man walked up to the bus. He started telling us that he was on his way down South when he suffered a misfortune and that now he does not have the means to get home. He sounded reasonable at first but I was skeptical of his plea. You can’t trust a man who goes begging in a Park; it’s difficult to verify their claims. At a point the man felt he wasn't getting the response he wanted, so he started pleading intensely for help. This man started shedding tears; he was crying, ‘Please, I’m your brother. Help me.’ Some passengers at that point decided to give him money. I was still not convinced. It felt like it’s all a hoax. After he left, a man sitting close to me inside the bus confirmed my suspicion. He said that the young man begs like that in the Park and that he’s been playing the ‘tears’ card for long. I felt bad: “If this guy can cry false tears like this and act so convincingly, why not go into acting? That is Nollywood material ‘na’?” How often we hear of people who use to beg or hawk on the street and in the process uncovered a hidden potential in singing, dancing and the like.

It reminds me of the story of Choi, Sung-Bong: a homeless young man who stole the show at the Korea’s Got Talent last year. He was abandoned in an orphanage at age three. At the age of 5, he ran out of the institution because of the maltreatment he received and he basically lived on the streets thereafter. At the age of 14, he was selling chewing gum at a night club when he heard a classical vocalist perform. What he heard that night inspired him to pursue a music career and his talent in music was unraveled in the process. His performance at the Korea Got Talent show drew tears from the eyes of his audience and the video of the show became a worldwide YouTube sensation. I felt my tears when I watched the video. He is now a well known figure in South Korea and around the world.
What did I learn from the above events?

We were all born with different gifts. Not all our gifts are apparent in childhood; not all are discovered in school; not all are revealed through conventional channels and not all are found for the right reasons. Nevertheless, when we uncover our gift, may we nourish and cherish it as a gift from our Creator and may we use it right to better our lives and the lives of those around us

– My Reflections.

Jokes in Pidgin English (14)

Naija Special English!

Let me start by saying this: I love Pidgin English. Growing up in the heart of South-South Nigeria, Pidgin is the first language you learn. When I speak the language home and away, I always feel at home and I tend to say too much as a result. I know some friends who can't speak or understand, not d least, read Pidgin English. To them I say: I'm sorry. I can't help it. Now:

Blind Beggar Tori!

E get one blind man wen dey beg for one road junction. One smart guy waka meet d blind man. This guy drop 20naira 4 d blind man plate and collected 100naira change in d process thinking d blind man won't notice. As he turned to leave, the blind man laughed out loudly saying:

'Na wa ooo. See small boy wan cheat old man. When I dey ur age, na so i dey collect from where I nor sow. Na one man wen I collect from, na' em curse me. That's why I be beggar now. If u nor want that curse to follow you, come drop the 100naira sharp sharp.'

The guy replied: 'Bros, cool down na. Na we we na. Na me be d deaf and dumb for the next junction.'

Blind man: 'Ok co-worker. Nor worry. Carry go. That 100naira note na d counterfeit money one guy drop for me yesterday.'