Jokes in Pidgin English (15)

These days there are so many caller tunes. All mobile networks now run caller tunes. Those days, when you make a call, you hear a ring, ‘krikri krikri or pumpum pumpum’

But now, tori don change. You make call now, wetin you go hear:

“If you want to save this tune, press 1: ‘I get money o, kukere kukere kukere…’” (You go see person wen never chop dey dance ‘I get money o…’ Which kind money? You nor go conserve the small energy wen dey your body… mschew)

“If you want to save this tune press 1: ‘Chop my money eee, Chop my money eee cuz… I don’t care… I get am plenty’” (if Junior or Janet carry your money run, nor complain o. Because everyday, wen dem call you from your shop, wetin dem go first hear, ‘Chop my money. Chop my money.’ The money too much, abi? Go dash people wen need am na, shuo!)

E get one man, the name na Audu. Audu na mechanic for city. When e wan marry, e go villa (village) go marry wife wen dey hear small small English. One day, Audu go work. The wife come carry hanset call Audu. Being that Audu dey work, e nor dey with em phone. Phone come dey ring: ‘I would die for you. Lay down my life you.’ When the wife hear, “ I would die for you,’ she come dey cry. Her younger sister come ask her why she dey cry. ‘I dey call Audu, somebody come pick the phone say ‘Audu don die.’ ‘Haba, you sure? Make we call the number again.’

Phone ring again: ‘I would die for you. Lay down my life for you.’

The sister laugh, ‘You self. The person say Audu go dye em hair. You know say Audu get white hair.’

‘Na lie.’ Argument start. To settle the matter, they go ask the gateman.

Gateman come form consultant. He dial the number. Phone ring again. Same message. Consultant Gateman: ‘Audu say him don die.’ (dead man speaking). Wife come dey sob. Later later, Audu show.

Wife: ‘Loo, I call your phone. You say you don die.’

Audu: ‘Nor mind those children wen dey play with my phone for workplace. Dem don spoil my phone.’

Audu and co… Dem threemuch…