Jokes in Queen’s English – Hospital settings – Part 2!

In one hospital, one doctor was seeing a hypertensive patient in the presence of some students. He asked the students: ‘What advice will you give to this patient to help reduce his blood pressure?’

One student replied: ‘I will advice him to stop thinking.’

Doctor: ‘What, in this country? You might as well tell him to stop breathing. As he is sitting here, he’s already thinking about how he would get his drugs and get transport home. Not to talk of getting food and other basic needs at home.’

 

These days some of our Labs, especially Ultrasound scanning centres have turned to Xerox centres. They have preformed results in their computer system. After the scanning, the appropriate format is issued for that patient. The danger is that results can be mixed, mistakes made and lazy attitudes are encouraged.

A patient went to do a scan at the directive of a low cadre health worker. When the result was brought, the health worker directed the patient to see a doctor with the result. The result read, among other things, ‘Spleen is normal.’ The patient complained, ‘Doctor, the scan says my spleen is normal, but my spleen was removed several years ago when I had splenectomy following a traumatic road accident.’

 

A woman delivered a set of twins. She was surprised. Her late scan showed she only had a single foetus in her womb. ‘Is is God’s blessings?’

Health worker attending to her: ‘It’s human error. The scan was wrong. Thank God you delivered in the hospital.’