My Piece for Today (Grief series redacted, vol 1) - Something to hold on to!

In the course of my life, I have had my share of difficult times. Yet, there are certain events that have helped to keep me going; events so dear to me that I can’t let go of its memory. Since I started working as a medical professional, I have had very trying and disappointing moments. Those are the times I felt I can’t keep up. Yes, those times when I felt I’m not good ...enough; I’m just not cut out for this. Nevertheless I managed to persevere. Somewhere along the line, something extraordinary happens. One event I won’t forget is a child who was brought to the hospital by a young mother. The child was critically ill. I was about leaving the hospital when the child was brought in. I work in a low resource hospital, so some standard equipment were lacking. All the same I used what was available. I stayed with that child for hours. At some point, the child showed some improvement and I left him in the care of a nurse. Few days later, the child improved remarkably and was discharged home. I felt so glad. Many months have passed and yet whenever the mother sees me she’s all smiles. She knows my Hausa is poor and that we can’t really hold a conversation, yet in her smiles lays the story I will live to remember: the day I helped to save her dying child. I keep that day close to my heart because a lot of things could have gone wrong that day and yet we scaled through. So, anytime I’m down, anytime I have a bad day, working hard and yet not having commensurate result, anytime I lose a patient I've fought so hard to help, when I get home, I just relive that day I helped that dying child. Remembering that day have kept me going. It’s like a drowning man that held on to a piece of raft keeping him adrift. When he eventually gets rescued, he won’t forget that raft. If possible he would keep it as a souvenir of his escape from the grip of death. Yes! We all have something to hold on to, something to remind us of how precious and thrilling this life can be!

Two days ago, I lost a dear friend. I felt so bad when I heard the news but I did not hold on solely to the grief. Something helped me through the grief. I remember the good times we had together in Benin. Those times I would leave the student’s hostel to his place off-campus. All the laughs, the gist and the happy times we spent together. He was a jovial, simple, easygoing guy. His name was funny. His surname was Basikoro. That is the Urhobo word for bicycles. Imagine you been named after a bicycle, very typical of Urhobo names! We always had some thing to laugh about. When we see each other, even without saying a word, we just laugh. And he would call me ‘Ojirigho’(o dear, I can’t help the tears). My surname was always amusing to him as well. It has different meanings depending on your pronunciation. He was fond of the pronunciation that means, ‘a thief of money’. He made me laugh so much. O Jonathan! He just got married with a whole lot ahead of him. O Jehovah! May you provide comfort to his wife and family! I won’t remember these last few days. I won’t keep on mourning and squirming. But I will live to remember the good times. I will ever remember the jokes, the laughter, the joys and the dreams of our youthful vigour. It will serve as an anchor, something to hold on to, in this moment of grief. Even as my heart grieves, my face will glow with good cheer and gratitude to Jehovah for the privilege of knowing Jonathan, a friend, a brother, a school mate and an ‘Oniovo’ to the core. I miss him dearly!

My friends, no matter the circumstances, no matter how bad things are, there is always something good to look back on, something that will make you grin with smiles and that will make you hold your head up with expectation and hope. Take the university environment. No matter how good you were in secondary school, the university is a whole new ball game. In short, in the university you are advised to hang your secondary school credentials at the gate and buckle down to a new reality. As a student I had good and bad times, moments of highs and lows, happy times and sad times. So many events but I cherish a few close to my heart. On a bad day, that special moment will keep me going. I remember an exam had. I prepared so well for the exam and as God would have it, the exam went so well. The moment I dropped my pen for that exam I knew I have passed. It was a great feeling. I was ‘high’ with excitement. I did not have to wait for the result; I knew that that was it. It was a day I will never forget. It was even more special than the day I saw the result. Because in that moment after the exam, I felt rejuvenated and reawaken. It made me feel, ‘O yes! I can! Yes, I can’. There was no self-doubt, no feeling of inferiority or incompetence, and no holding back. So from that day onward, whenever I’m having difficulties in school, I recall that day and relive that moment, ‘O! I can make it’. I wished I had captured that moment in photographs as memorabilia for the future.

If you are in a relationship or marriage, there are good times and bad times. It happens in every relationship. When you and your mate are having difficulties, remember a special moment and keep it close to your heart. What about that vacation or holiday or trip you had together. You laughed and cried and cheered with joy. You forgot about every other thing in your life and it was just you and him in sheer abandon and delight. Did you take a picture? I guess you framed it and kept it in a special place that is easily accessible. So that on a very bad day, when everything is upside down and you begin to regret the life choices you made, you pray God for help as you would; let Him help you remember the good times. Pick that picture, close your eyes and relive that special moment you had together, the moment you reinforced your belief that you both were meant to be together. Hold on to that moment. Hang on to it the way a drowning man holds on to a rafter in a bid to save his life. Yes! Something dear to hold on to as though your life depends on it!

It helps to remember the good times. It can be life-saving to remember the special moments. How often we hear the story of a political or religious prisoner who is held in isolation for months and years at a time! Many of them survive by holding on to something very precious to them. To some, it could be the picture of a loved one, a child or a spouse. While for others, it’s the little items they have in their possession which reminds them of the good times they've had. For many, there is no physical item to remind them of their past, all they have is their memory. And how they would cherish that memory! Imagine been locked in a small cell, no communication with the outside world, how well you would cherish the memories of your past! How gratifying it would be to hold on to a very special memory, a mental memoir of the moment you felt so alive. If you sit down and look back, you will find that moment. In the rare event you don’t, as long as you live, look for and create that moment and that event that you will always live to remember. May God help us find something great to hold on to in our course though life!

P.S. I wrote this piece many months ago. I'm republishing it to reshape my blog.

My Piece for the Day - 11-01-13

It’s a Mistake! (Things you hear that make you just ‘wonder wonder’!)

One lady caught the husband cheating on her with his secretary in their matrimonial home. The words that came out of the man’s mouth were: ‘Honey, it’s a mistake!’
It made me wonder: ‘How? Which part of the whole parade was a mistake? Here are some thots:

He mistakenly showered encomiums on his secretary for months.

He mistakenly took her out for lunch and several unofficial outings.

He mistakenly bought her expensive gifts and presents.

He mistakenly took her home with the full knowledge that the wife traveled.

He mistakenly took her to Mr. Biggs and visited the shopping mall on the way home.

He mistakenly prepared some soul-stirring music in his car and home stereo.

He was mistakenly naked when he was mistakenly caught by the very mistaken wife who made the grave mistake of coming home much earlier than planned.

On further enquiry, it was found out that he’s been making the same mistake for months.

At what point did he make the mistake? Maybe he mistook his secretary for his wife.

If this mistake can be compared to a long road trip, picture traveling a straight route from Sokoto thru Kaduna, Abuja, Benin and heading to Port Harcourt(PH). After spending days on the road, you got to PH. A friend then asked you, ‘Guy, what are you doing in PH’ and your answer was, ‘It’s a mistake. I came to PH from Sokoto by mistake.’ That is what we call ‘Eba Mistake.’ Mistakes ko, mistakes ni.
{You dey Abuja, you say you dey Sokoto! Baby, why you dey do me ojoro, u dey do me ojoro oh ooo}

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (11-01-13)

One rich man parked his brand new car by the roadside ostensibly to show off. One mad man nearby approached the car and used his stick to scratch the car.
The rich man screamed: ‘What! What did you do that for?’
Mad man: ‘You parked in my space.’
Rich man: ‘What, who gave you this space? You don’t even own a car. What rights have you to scratch my car? Do you know who I am?’
Mad man: ‘Of course, I know who you are. You are a mad man. Long time, no see!’

Rich man: 'God forbid. I don't know you. I've never met you before.'

Mad man: 'That's what we all say at first; we deny the obvious.'

A word a day … (11-01-13)!

As humans we all make mistakes and we are prone to our frailties and weaknesses. It takes an understanding friend to see beyond the surface and unravel the wonderful personality and qualities hidden beneath. It would be unfortunate if we fail to see the good and lovely sides of our friends. That would be a missed opportunity.

To a friend, I say: ‘You are wonderful! I hope others will have the patience and time to know that.’

Jokes in Pidgin English (8) - Police too na human being!

Years ago, e get one policeman wen dey guard one bank. If you see dis man wit 

em gun in front of d bank, u go think say 'no shaking,' 'nothin dey happen' like 

2face. One day something happen oh. The policeman just dey relax 4 one shop 

near d bank, na em some guys show wit automatic pump action: 

'kpakpakpakpa kpukpukpukpu gborgborgbor.' Before u say Jack, d policeman 

run hide under one woman wrapper, 'cover me, cover me.' I nor blame d guy 

because police too na human being!

U know say if armed robbers dey rob somewhere and u call police, dem go 

delay, wait for sometime. When dem reason say d robbers don go, dem go show 

wit their 1960's guns, 'Where dem? Where d robbers?' As if, if dem meet d 

robbers, na die. E come get one day, police hear say robbers dey rob 

somewhere. Dem come delay. When dem calculate d time wen d robbers 

suppose don comot, dem come enter motor drive to d area. As dem reach d 

area, dem hear gunshots 'kpakpakpakpukpu,' na so d police make sharp U-

turn, 'dem still dey, dem still dey.' Na so dem run from d scene. Nor blame dem. 

Police too na human being!

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (10-01-13)

Sequel to the one I wrote in the morning, here’s another one. Some words are used very loosely; for example, brother, sister, friend, etc. The fact is: not everyone is your brother or sister or friend. It will be a great thing if that was possible, but the reality is that it’s not possible. The dictionary has a specific and restricted definition of ‘brother,’ ‘sister,’ and ‘friend.’ Anyways, that is beside the point. The story goes like this:

A man heard that his rich and wealthy neighbour who has been sick and flown abroad is late. He decided to pay a condolence visit to the man’s relatives. When he got to the rich man’s house, to his surprise, no one was at home except the lonely gatekeeper. Well, instead of just returning home, he decided to stay for a bit and chat with the gatekeeper. While there, three Jeep cars pulled up to the house. They asked about the whereabouts of those in the residence. The neighbourly guy who was visiting was interested in the visitors: men with dark corporate suits. He thought they brought some goodies and why lose out of the deal.

“Well, the others are not around, but the late Chief is my ‘brother.’ If you have any message or things to drop, I’ll make sure the others know about it.”

The men said, while flashing their badges: “We are members of EFCC (Economic and Financial Crimes Commission). We are here to take over this property and to arrest some members of the family who connived with the Chief in committing grave financial crimes. Sir, you have to come with us.”

The brotherly neighbour replied: “Actually… Actually… I’m not his brother. I’m just the neighbour. I live down the street. Ask the gateman, please.”

Uhmmm… When all is good, ‘he’s my brother; she’s my sister; he’s my friend’ with no definition! But when things go south, ‘actually… actually, he’s not really my brother; see, his maternal grandfather and my paternal grandmother are from the same village.’ Yeah, when things go bad, the terms ‘brother,’ ‘sister,’ ‘friend’ would be well defined. ‘We were not really friends. We just lived in the same neighbourhood and went to the same school.’ It’s all good. We know every. 

My piece for the day … (10-01-13)!

Disappointment!

It’s a great thing when we get the things we hoped for. Whether we dreamt about it, worked hard for it, received a promise about it, or prayed for it, it’s a lofty feeling to have your expectations met. That aside we live in an imperfect world. Lots of bad things happen. Stealing, lying, cheating, scamming, and things like these happen. Stuff happens! One of such stuff is disappointment! People make promises all the time. It could be a written or verbal agreement. It could be the taking or lending or payment of loans. It could be a vow: marriage mates, office-holders, and career oath-takers. It could be a simple promise: ‘I’ll pick your laundry on my way back from work’; ‘I will pay you a visit this weekend’; ‘I’m on the road, I’ll call you when I get home’. Even simple promises like these are not met at times. Some persons don’t see anything wrong to make a promise and fail to meet up with their word; they see it as normal. These persons don’t recognize that when you make a promise and you deliberately fail to meet up with that promise even though it was within you power to do so and you thereafter, felt no remorse about what you’ve done: you lied! You are a liar! Worst still, some make promises that they, ab initio, have no intention of keeping whatsoever!

Now, that’s beside my point. Some of us are used to having our demands met. Such individuals are not used to disappointments; they always have their way. That is why, people like that get utterly shocked and dejected when they face up with disappointments. Dear friends, disappointments are part of this life. We don’t always get what we want and that may be for good reasons. Sometimes, we, particularly young ones, want things that we don’t need or things that may be harmful to us. Fallible humans can’t always keep all their promises. Disappointment is real. So, we live with it. We spend a critical part of our adulthood learning that we can’t always get what we want and people don’t always keep their promises. Accepting this reality is part of growing up.

What’s important is not whether or not other people will disappoint us, that is a proven certainty; what’s important is how we prepare for that disappointment. The way we prepare for disappointments go a long way to tell how we react to them and how well we fare with them. The thing is: we should always have it in the back of our mind that ANYONE can disappoint us. It’s a fact. Be surprised when others keep their promises. Don’t be surprised when they don’t. It’s not pessimistic to expect disappointment; it’s realistic. A friend once told me in school back in the day: ‘There is nothing wrong to hope for the best while preparing for the worst.’ Those who are more adversely affected with disappointments are those who fail to prepare for such reality; those who live in an alter reality. We save for the future, make plans for tomorrow, acquire things of different interests and value, not laying all our egg s in one basket, and take measures to protect ourselves from whatever harm there is in the unforeseeable future; we do all this because, as adults, we have grown to accept that we live in a world that is filled and full of disappointments! The next time you make a promise to someone, put yourself in the shoes of that person and ask yourself, ‘How will I feel if I’m disappointed or let down?’ We can make our world a little better when we say what we mean and mean what we say. On the short run, people don’t like individuals who speak with sincerity, truth and candour, but on the long run, such individuals earn the respect of others. It’s the exact opposite for those who make insincere and false promises. We can live with disappointment; what we can’t live with is being the disappointment.