My Piece for Today (Grief series redacted, vol 1) - Something to hold on to!

In the course of my life, I have had my share of difficult times. Yet, there are certain events that have helped to keep me going; events so dear to me that I can’t let go of its memory. Since I started working as a medical professional, I have had very trying and disappointing moments. Those are the times I felt I can’t keep up. Yes, those times when I felt I’m not good ...enough; I’m just not cut out for this. Nevertheless I managed to persevere. Somewhere along the line, something extraordinary happens. One event I won’t forget is a child who was brought to the hospital by a young mother. The child was critically ill. I was about leaving the hospital when the child was brought in. I work in a low resource hospital, so some standard equipment were lacking. All the same I used what was available. I stayed with that child for hours. At some point, the child showed some improvement and I left him in the care of a nurse. Few days later, the child improved remarkably and was discharged home. I felt so glad. Many months have passed and yet whenever the mother sees me she’s all smiles. She knows my Hausa is poor and that we can’t really hold a conversation, yet in her smiles lays the story I will live to remember: the day I helped to save her dying child. I keep that day close to my heart because a lot of things could have gone wrong that day and yet we scaled through. So, anytime I’m down, anytime I have a bad day, working hard and yet not having commensurate result, anytime I lose a patient I've fought so hard to help, when I get home, I just relive that day I helped that dying child. Remembering that day have kept me going. It’s like a drowning man that held on to a piece of raft keeping him adrift. When he eventually gets rescued, he won’t forget that raft. If possible he would keep it as a souvenir of his escape from the grip of death. Yes! We all have something to hold on to, something to remind us of how precious and thrilling this life can be!

Two days ago, I lost a dear friend. I felt so bad when I heard the news but I did not hold on solely to the grief. Something helped me through the grief. I remember the good times we had together in Benin. Those times I would leave the student’s hostel to his place off-campus. All the laughs, the gist and the happy times we spent together. He was a jovial, simple, easygoing guy. His name was funny. His surname was Basikoro. That is the Urhobo word for bicycles. Imagine you been named after a bicycle, very typical of Urhobo names! We always had some thing to laugh about. When we see each other, even without saying a word, we just laugh. And he would call me ‘Ojirigho’(o dear, I can’t help the tears). My surname was always amusing to him as well. It has different meanings depending on your pronunciation. He was fond of the pronunciation that means, ‘a thief of money’. He made me laugh so much. O Jonathan! He just got married with a whole lot ahead of him. O Jehovah! May you provide comfort to his wife and family! I won’t remember these last few days. I won’t keep on mourning and squirming. But I will live to remember the good times. I will ever remember the jokes, the laughter, the joys and the dreams of our youthful vigour. It will serve as an anchor, something to hold on to, in this moment of grief. Even as my heart grieves, my face will glow with good cheer and gratitude to Jehovah for the privilege of knowing Jonathan, a friend, a brother, a school mate and an ‘Oniovo’ to the core. I miss him dearly!

My friends, no matter the circumstances, no matter how bad things are, there is always something good to look back on, something that will make you grin with smiles and that will make you hold your head up with expectation and hope. Take the university environment. No matter how good you were in secondary school, the university is a whole new ball game. In short, in the university you are advised to hang your secondary school credentials at the gate and buckle down to a new reality. As a student I had good and bad times, moments of highs and lows, happy times and sad times. So many events but I cherish a few close to my heart. On a bad day, that special moment will keep me going. I remember an exam had. I prepared so well for the exam and as God would have it, the exam went so well. The moment I dropped my pen for that exam I knew I have passed. It was a great feeling. I was ‘high’ with excitement. I did not have to wait for the result; I knew that that was it. It was a day I will never forget. It was even more special than the day I saw the result. Because in that moment after the exam, I felt rejuvenated and reawaken. It made me feel, ‘O yes! I can! Yes, I can’. There was no self-doubt, no feeling of inferiority or incompetence, and no holding back. So from that day onward, whenever I’m having difficulties in school, I recall that day and relive that moment, ‘O! I can make it’. I wished I had captured that moment in photographs as memorabilia for the future.

If you are in a relationship or marriage, there are good times and bad times. It happens in every relationship. When you and your mate are having difficulties, remember a special moment and keep it close to your heart. What about that vacation or holiday or trip you had together. You laughed and cried and cheered with joy. You forgot about every other thing in your life and it was just you and him in sheer abandon and delight. Did you take a picture? I guess you framed it and kept it in a special place that is easily accessible. So that on a very bad day, when everything is upside down and you begin to regret the life choices you made, you pray God for help as you would; let Him help you remember the good times. Pick that picture, close your eyes and relive that special moment you had together, the moment you reinforced your belief that you both were meant to be together. Hold on to that moment. Hang on to it the way a drowning man holds on to a rafter in a bid to save his life. Yes! Something dear to hold on to as though your life depends on it!

It helps to remember the good times. It can be life-saving to remember the special moments. How often we hear the story of a political or religious prisoner who is held in isolation for months and years at a time! Many of them survive by holding on to something very precious to them. To some, it could be the picture of a loved one, a child or a spouse. While for others, it’s the little items they have in their possession which reminds them of the good times they've had. For many, there is no physical item to remind them of their past, all they have is their memory. And how they would cherish that memory! Imagine been locked in a small cell, no communication with the outside world, how well you would cherish the memories of your past! How gratifying it would be to hold on to a very special memory, a mental memoir of the moment you felt so alive. If you sit down and look back, you will find that moment. In the rare event you don’t, as long as you live, look for and create that moment and that event that you will always live to remember. May God help us find something great to hold on to in our course though life!

P.S. I wrote this piece many months ago. I'm republishing it to reshape my blog.