Jokes in Pidgin English (11)

The pipeline explosion in Ogun State on Saturday reminded me of something. Nor be today this thing dey happen and we never still learn. Many years ago, pipeline explode for Jesse as men dey hustle to siphon fuel. E get one man wen escape the Jesse fire but he still get burn marks for em face. Sometime later, when another pipeline burst for Ogharra. The same man was seen with his burnt face hustling to siphon fuel. He never learn, abi? So, this man don turn veteran or professional for stealing fuel from burst NNPC pipelines. One day, another pipeline burst. This guy carry em 50L jerry can to go work again (ochofree). Na so the wife grab the guy, ‘ where you dey go? You nor dey go any way.’ Nor do nor do, na so the man drop em jerry can sit down for house make em nor bring quarrel. The wife deceive the man enter house, she come lock the door for outside so that the man nor go escape go another burst-pipeline-free-for-all-parade.

Much later, when the wife open door, na so my guy provoke: ‘What’s the meaning of all this? Why did you lock me inside?’

Wife: ‘Relax, you too like quarrel?’

Husband: ‘Why I nor go quarrel? You don make me loss this opportunity.’

Wife: ‘Cool down, save your energy. Look well. I don go fill the 50L jerry can with fuel. Oya, go sell am.’

Husband: ‘So, you go where the pipeline burst? You nor dey fear?

Wife: ‘Before unko. You think say i go let you go before. Who you wan die leave the 10 children for before?’

MY PIECE FOR TODAY {14-01-13} IN THEIR GRIEF, THEY FOUND A COURSE – MOHAMED BOUAZIZI AND THE ARAB AWAKENING! (GRIEF SERIES REDACTED VOL. 3)

It was once thought that a revolution was a far-fetched idea in the Arab world. Many were of the view that the people in the Arabic-speaking countries of Libya, Egypt, Syria and others were too naïve to foster the notion of a rebellion. In these countries were long-serving heads of states and presidents who lord it over their subjects. Perhaps, these leaders were also of the view that their people were incapable of leading movements that would lead to their ouster from power. For so many years that was the case. Different small groups sought the removal of these leaders from office but to no avail. But that was to end. One man changed the social stereotypes of the Arab people. It was not an army general. It was not a renowned academia or a social crusader. No, it was a street vendor in the name of Mohamed Bouazizi.

He lost his father to a heart attack when he was just 3 years of age. The mother later married one of his uncles. Along with his six siblings, he studied in a one-room village school. He started working at the age of 10 due to the poor health of the uncle who married his mother. He left school when he was a teenager to work full-time to support his family. He applied for jobs on several occasions with no success. He even wanted to enlist in the army but his request was denied. He resorted to using a wheelbarrow to sell small items like fruits and vegetables along the street in the area where he lived. Just like what I witnessed in the streets of Benin City where I schooled years ago, Bouazizi became a target of the local security personnel who constantly harassed him for a vendor’s permit. His items were confiscated on several occasions. Things came to a head in the morning of December 17th, 2010, when a group of local officials led by a female officer physically assaulted Bouazizi, confiscated his weighing scales and tossed aside his wheelbarrow. In anger, Bouazizi went to the administrative office to complain and demand his scales back but no one granted him audience. Out of sheer frustration, he went to a nearby fuel station, bought a can of fuel, came back to the government office, stood in the middle of the road, doused himself with the fuel and set himself ablaze, all the while saying, ‘How do you expect me to make a living?’ He was rushed to hospital and 18 days later on the 4th of January, 2011 he died on account of the severe burns he suffered during his self-immolation. His death and funeral sparked giant protests and in a matter of days those protests led to the end of the rule of Tunisian President, Ben Ali, who had ruled his country for 23 years. Before long, the protests spread to neighbouring Egypt and Libya with the ouster of their respective long-standing rulers. Yes! What was once thought to be impossible for years and decades came to pass in a matter of months.

(Specifics of this story was sought from wikipedia.org)

Please, don’t concentrate on the manner of death of Bouazizi. It’s abominable in almost every culture or religion to take your own life. But this is not just about him or his manner of death. Remember we defined grief in the first of these series as the ‘reaction to loss.’ Grief is not just about the manner of loss but it has to do with the way we respond to such loss. How did the Tunisians, the Egyptians, the Libyans and the rest of the Arab world respond to the death of Bouazizi? Their reactions and the consequent reverberations of those actions buttress the point: there is power in grief. In their grief over the death of Bouazizi, his country men and women found a course: the fight to make accountable those who created such an intolerable environment of greed and corruption vis-à-vis oppression of the disadvantaged majority of the population. You may not agree with the way they responded any more you agree on the manner of Bouazizi’s death. Some may even point to the uncertainties and insecurity in the region. But that is a subject of a different discourse. My point is: in grief, the people in the Arab world achieved in months what years and decades of other endeavours failed to achieve. These people have suffered and endured the same system and injustices for years and decades yet they did not revolt. Different activist groups and individuals in those countries and abroad have tried several times without success to galvanize the people to protests against their leaders. All these efforts were abortive. In the end, it was a death and the grief and sorrow that met with that death that led the people to find a course which led to the overthrow of leaders who had outlived a generation in their hold of power. Yes! In grief and deep sorrow, they found a course.

P.S. I wrote this piece a few days after the unfortunate crash of the Dana Airlines plane in Lagos on the 3rd of June, 2012. – Dr. Eugene A. O

Jokes in Pidgin English (10)

Once upon a time, there was John going out with Mary. Things nor work out as planned, so dem come separate/break-up. Later later, Mary come enter another relationship with another person. Na so she pick phone call John: ‘Hello, John, I've entered a new relationship.’

When she dey engaged, she call John again, ‘Hello John, please rejoice with me, oh. I’m engaged to Peter.’

When the marriage date reach, she call John: ‘Johnny Johnny, I’m getting married, oh.’

When she born her first child: ‘John, I’ve put to birth.’

When the pikin begin waka: ‘Johneee, Junior has started walking.’

My people, why is John receiving regular updates from his ex? Wetin dey her mind true true: ‘John, see you na. Wen you leave me that time, you think say my own nor go better, abi?. See me naaaaaaaaaa. I don engage. I don marry. I don born. My own don better.’

All this while, John nor complain. So, later later, things come dey happen for John side, he come decide to retaliate:

‘Hello Mary, how far now? I don travel out oh.’

‘Hello, Marianno, how Junior? I don marry one whiteeee. Check Facebook you go see the pictures.’

‘Hello, Mary Mary, I don born whiteeee. Na girl, so I call am Maria-bet.’

‘Hello, Mary. I dey come Naija next month. I go like take my family come visit you.’

Mary reply: ‘Wetin, wetin. Na only u first travel out. Which one be this one na. Abeg, nor call me again. You dey disturb me.’

John: ‘Mary, nor vex. Calm down now… hello… hello…hello (the number you are calling is switched off..... The number you are calling no longer exist in our network. Please, check your number and dial again...)

End of tory!  

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (13-01-13)

Poor man! Let’s call him John. He woke up one morning and set out for work. He met his neighbour as he walked along. ‘Good morning!’

Neighbour replied: ‘Hello, how do you do?’

When he got to work, he greeted his co-worker. The co-worker replied:

‘Hello, you look dull. Did you sleep at all? What did you do?’

When he closed from work, he paid his best friend a visit. Jane has been a close friend for years and has been expecting her guy to man up and take their friendship to the next level. So, on this fateful day, Jane raised the issue again:

“You know we are not getting younger. All our mates are now married. Please, when are we going to say, ‘I do.’?”

John thought to himself:

‘How come every one is saying ‘do,’ ‘do,’ ‘do.’ today? Well, it’s night time. I’m done for today. Let me go to bed.’

While asleep, he had a dream. In his dream, a mad man was running after him with a cutlass. John was running as fast as he could all the while screaming, ‘What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?’ The mad man replied in a song:

‘Do me, I do you oh, o yeah! I nor run anymore. If I dey run before oh, I nor run anymore. If you do me, I go do you. Face me, I go face you. Rock me, I go rock you.’

John: ‘I nor do you anything oh.’ ‘I nor do nothing oh.’

Mad man: ‘You come knock on my door oh. E don happen oh. The thing wen you dey find oh, you go see am oh.’

John stepped on something and fell down. The mad man closed in on him and raised the cutlass to strike. At that moment, John woke up.

He suddenly realized he was having a nightmare. He shouted:

‘Wetin I do when you love me so. Jesus I love you oh, wellu wellu. Eh eh en, wellu wellu.’

Please, let’s call him John Dodo or John Doe. That’s it. I’m done.

A word a day … (13-01-13)!

While no one has it all, some certainly have it more. Nonetheless, what is more important is how well you make use of what you have. More often than not we focus on what we don’t have rather than on what we do have. Instead of asking, ‘How can I get what I don’t have?’ why not ask, ‘What can I do with what I have? How can I make better use of what I have now?’?

MY PIECE FOR TODAY (GRIEF SERIES 2, REDACTED) - THE POWER OF GRIEF – IN THEIR GRIEF AND SORROW, THEY FOUND A COURSE!

The events of the last 72 hours got me thinking about grief. I have had my own share of grief and as a student of human nature I've keenly observed the grieving process. So it amazes me that something as negative as grief can have very productive and positive outcomes. Before I jump the gun, let me start by defining some relevant terms in relation to my discourse. First, what is grief? According to Wikipedia, ‘Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss.’ It also goes on to explain “‘the Kübler-Ross model’, commonly known as the five stages of grief. The popular but largely untested theory describes in five distinct stages how people deal with grief and tragedy. Such events might include being diagnosed with a terminal illness or enduring a catastrophic loss. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.” The New International Webster’s Comprehensive Dictionary of the English Language (Encyclopedic Edition, 2010) states, ‘Grief is acute mental pain resulting from loss, misfortune, or deep disappointment. Grief is more acute and less enduring than sorrow.’ Put simply, grief is how we react to loss, especially the loss of someone or something with which we have formed a bond. Humans have responded to grave losses in one way or another. Looking at how different individuals or groups have responded to a loss help underscores the power of grief. Many in their grief found a purpose, a mission, a vision and a goal to which they earnestly pursued all their lives. Yes, in their grief and deep sorrow, they found a path and a course to which their lives were geared.

The power of grief is no where more explicit than in the Bible. In the book of Ecclesiastes 7: 1 – 8 which states in parts, ‘A name is better than good oil, and the day of death than the day of one’s being born. Better is it to go to the house of mourning than to go to the banquet house, because that is the end of mankind; and the one alive should take it to his heart… The heart of the wise ones is in the house of mourning… Better is the end afterward of a matter than its beginning.’ This portion underlines the fact that a lot can be learnt in grief. Grief has led many to pursue life choices and careers that changed the course of history. People often say that sports unite the world but I can arguably say that nothing has united the world as much as the grief felt earth wide in response to tragedies and disasters. Remember 9/11 and the Earthquake and Tsunami in the Indian Ocean in 2004. In our communities and societies, in the sheer moments of grief and sorrow, everyone stands together irrespective of the race, the tribe, the social class, or the religious affiliation of the individuals in that community or group. At this point, I’m starting a series titled: ‘In their grief and sorrow, they found a course!’ I will begin this series with two examples:

In Their Grief and Sorrow, They found a Course - Dora Akunyili and her fight against fake drugs!

Professor Dora Akunyili needs no introduction. She was the name of the struggle to eradicate fake and substandard drugs from Nigeria for so many years. You may wonder why she was so passionate in the crusade against counterfeit drugs. She has stated in so many of the interviews she granted during her tenure as the head of NAFDAC (National Agency for Food and Drugs Administration and Control) that her determination to wage this war on fake drugs was driven by memories of a personal tragedy. ‘Her 21-year-old diabetic sister, Vivian, died in 1988 because of a fake insulin injection.’ (Sourced from www.eyesonmalaria.com) Yes! In her grief and sorrow over the loss of her sister, she found a course. Armed with her professional knowledge and experience, she took the fight to the manufacturers, marketers, importers and all the players in the fake drugs empire. Her success was not only in fighting the production and sales of fake drugs, better still, she led a very productive enlightenment campaign raising the awareness of Nigerians on the dangers of fake drugs. Today, before buying certain items, people commonly ask, ‘Where is the NAFDAC number?’ A sad and painful event as the death of a sibling has inspired one individual to effect so much change in a system plagued with endemic malpractices. There is power in grief!

In their Grief and Sorrow, They found a Course – The Story of Etan Patz!

Ethan Kalil Patz was a six years old American boy who lived with his parents in New York City in the late 70’s. He desperately sought the parents’ permission to walk alone to the school bus stop which was just two blocks away from their apartment. On Friday, May 25th, 1979, his wish was granted. He left his apartment alone for the first time to catch the school bus at the bus stop but he never made it there. He was never seen again. The police and the neighbours engaged in one of the largest search for a missing child in American history. His father was a professional photographer and had earlier taken pictures of his son. Those pictures were also used in the search for him. His pictures were printed on many posters and milk cartons. The story of his disappearance brought grief to the hearts of many Americans. It inspired the missing children movement and led to the milk carton campaigns of the mid-1980s. His picture was the first to be used in that campaign. Legislative changes were made on account of that incident. The day of Etan Patz's disappearance, May 25, has been designated National Missing Children's Day in the US since its declaration by President Ronald Reagan in 1983. (Sourced from Wikipedia) Three years later, an international day was created on the same date to build awareness on missing children in different countries of the world. The disappearance of Ethan also made parents to re-evaluate the ways they train their children and also on ways to keep them from harm. This has also led to the aggressive Amber Alert system where security agencies seek the help of the public in searching for missing children through television announcements and postings on electronic highway billboards. In Europe, the disappearances of 3 years old Madeline McCann while his British family were on vacation in Portugal in 2007, and 9 years old Estelle Mouzin in France in 2003, have helped revolutionized the way missing children cases are handled in Europe. The case of Estelle helped give rise to France’s abduction alert system in 2006. Since then it has been used successfully on several occasions to locate missing children. Yes! In grief, not only individuals but groups and nations have found a course that has helped other victims who suffer the same fate.

P.S. I wrote this piece a few days after the unfortunate crash of Dana Airlines plane in Lagos on the 3rd of June, 2012. - Dr. Eugene A. O

Jokes in Pidgin English (9)

Funny thin wen we dey see and hear!

You don ever pass one quiet street, only you, you come jam one big man wen nor wear shirt hold sharp cutlass dey waka towards you. O boyee. U go first confuse, whether make u run go back or make u begin dey greet d guy from distance so dat e mind go cool down b4 u near am. Well, maybe na just farmer wen dey go farm and d cutlass na wetin e go use for farm. But how u wan take dey sure say he means no harm. For my hometown, na so I jam one farmer like dat one day. D farmer nor wear shirt, e hold cutlass for hand wen e go use for farm. I nor sure say I don greet person pass d way I greet dat man dat day. Na from distance d greeting start, ‘Brother digwo! Digwo broda! Digwo broda!’ repetition 4 emphasis in case e nor hear d first time.

E come get one guy wen dey say em blind, e nor dey see, e dey use long stick dey waka. Na so d guy enter one quiet road. Na only him dey. E come dey waka freely e nor dey use d stick. After few minutes, na em sight one man dey come from distance. D blind guy quickly arrange em stick, dey form blind guy. As e come dey near d other man, e come see say d guy nor wear shirt and e hold one sharp new cutlass. O boy, na so d blind man stop. E dey reason: ‘dis man wen nor wear shirt and e hold cutlass, na farmer abi na ritualist? Wen e see say d cutlass guy don dey near am, e come remember say, sometimes, na disable people dem take do ritual pass. O boy, na so d blind man, leave e stick dey tear race dey go. D cutlass man dey tell am say ‘eh, u  forget ur stick ooo!’ o boy, blind man nor send. 4 em mind, safety first!

O boyee.. wetin people nor go do to survive 4 dis naija!