A word a day … (22-01-13)!

There's a time for everything.
A time to hold tight to what you have at present and a time to let go of the past.
A time to cherish treasured memories and a time to expunge painful reminders.
A time to add new friends and a time to let go of others.
A time to claim victories and a time to admit defeat.
A time to fall in love and a time to let loved ones move away.
A time to make great speeches and articles and a time to absorb the greatness of others.
A time when oratory is a virtue and a time when silence is golden.
A time to be a hero and a time to be just human.
A time to feel loved and special and a time to be ordinary and vague.
A time to be just me and a time to be ‘the me’ of others.
A time to sing melodies and a time to hear harmonies.
Life is more intriguing with its highs and lows. Variety is spicy. You can't always keep up a high tempo. Monotony, even at a high pace, is a bore on the long run. No matter the times, good or bad, life has to move on. We won't be here today if life got stuck in the past. So too, there won't be a tomorrow if today decides to hang on to yesterday.

I Love Pidgin English Talk Talk (2)

Funny – Poor Big Man!
E get people wen dey claim say dem get money and yet ground nor level. E get people wen we dey see, we go think say dem get money die. My brother, all na appearance o. If you wan know who really get money na time of emergency u go know.
E get one guy, d guy dey arrange. Get fine car. Get family. Everybody dey respect d guy say ‘men, dis guy is loaded ooo’. Na so one day, d pikin dey sick, dem rush d pikin go hospital. D pikin come need surgery. Dem say make d father drop one huge amount down as deposit now now now. Na dat time we know say thins nor easy. Na so d guy start, ‘em em eh eh… pls, can u wait till d end of d month?’ dem tell am say, na emergency, d money is needed urgent. My guy dey sweat. D guy pick phone to call em fellow big men:
“Hello John! How’s d family? Please, can u help with ….?.... No, I need it today… oh… oh… ok.. I understand.. u know it’s not easy.. ok”
“Hello Peter! How’s business? Abeg, my pikin dey hospital I need ….. no, na today I need am… oh, ur wife just put to birth? Oh I didn’t know…ok?’
“Hello Paul! How body? O boy, e get one big wahala I dey na, my pikin nor well and I need … today.. u know say business get as e be now…. Oh… oh oh, u re traveling to US next week?... Oh.. Ok I understand.. Visa wahala and d rest”
Na so my guy dey call em fellow big men, no show… d money for Account nor reach. Na dat time we know say na poor big man e be. If emergency come, and u nor get kobo for hand and u dey tell urself say u be big man, na lie, na poor man u be o. If na month end u dey wait b4 money dey hand like civil servant and u dey call urself big man, my guy na poverty be dat o. If u dey claim big man and u nor dey save money for account, o man, if kasala burst and u need money now now now, o man na embarrassment be dat o. U wen get family for house, nor dey form big man dey buy flashy things and u nor get savings for account o, bcos on a bad day, wind go blow and fowl yanch go open o. Make God bless us so dat we go dey save for emergencies. My brother na so I see am oooooooooo!

Irony!

Jokes in Pidgin English (20) - teacher teacher!

One new teacher on the first day of her job set out to test her students to know how well they are doing.

Teacher: If Michelle Obama is the First lady of America; who is Patience Jonathan?

Some students raised their hands. Teacher called one of them. ‘What’s your name?’

Student: Akpororo-Oghenerukweve Onomodekeya:

Teacher: Wow. That’s just wow. Well, what’s the answer to the question?

Student: I don forget. Wetin be the question again?

Teacher: You’ve forgotten the question, so soon?

Student: Yes, now! Wetin be my name?.... You see now, you don forget.

Teacher: OK… If Michelle Obama is the First Lady of America; who is Patience Jonathan?

Student: That one easy, Last Mama bomboy of Naija.

Teacher: It seems you don’t understand the question.

Student: Na you dey confuse me na. The answer na Last Mama deygirl of Naija.

Teacher: No. The answer is: Patience Jonathan is the First lady of Nigeria.

Student: Na lie. Who tell you say she carry first for school? Who tell you, my fellow teacher? You nor know book joor. Na me go teach you, my fellow student.

A Joke a day keeps the doctor away! (21-01-13)

Teacher!
An Accounting teacher in one secondary school had the following conversation with his students.
Teacher: Please, study Accounting. When you study Accounting, you can become a Chartered Accountant and be rich like Chief M.K.O Abiola.
Student: Sir, I have a question. Did you study Accounting?
Teacher: Yes, I did.
Student: Why are you not a chartered Accountant and be as rich as Abiola?
Teacher: That is not my calling. My calling is to help young ones like you to become the future leaders of tomorrow.
Student: Sir, my Uncle works in Zenith Bank. What if he gives you a job there, will you change your calling?
Teacher: I will gladly accept the job because then my calling will be to help the poor and uplift my family. By the way, please can you introduce me to your Uncle? (No time, oh!)

A word a day … (21-01-13)!

It's often said that slow and steady wins the race. Well, that depends on the kind of race. For example, if it's a race to win a modelling contest or Miss Nigeria, slow and steady can win that race. Whereas, if it's a race with Usain Bolt in the Olympics, it's fast and accurate that wins it. In this fast pace era, an addendum is needed in some old sayings: slow and steady wins a race but fast and accurate takes home the prize; a patient dog eats the fattest bone left over by the quickest dog etc... Have a great day people...

I Love Pidgin English Talk Talk (1)

 

Funny – Make we nor dey assume too much ooo!

Sometimes, we assume too much and too much assumption can be misleading and hurtful.
-Nor be every guy wen dey wear glasses know book. In many cases, na eye defect cause am.
-Nor be every lady wen dey speak good English dey intelligent. Just as dem use Pidgin English take train some of us from childhood, na so dem use good English train other people. To them good English be like their mother tongue, it has little to do with intelligence.
-Nor be everybody wen wear white coat inside hospital be doctor. Some na Pharmacists, others na Lab. Staff. Even in some hospitals, some experienced cleaners dey wear white coat.
-Nor be everybody wen wear suit for bank be banker, some na job applicants. Others na advanced security men. Some na visitors.
-Nor be everybody wen wear ordinary clothes be civilian, some na kaki men wen wear mufti. So, watch how u talk to people in public. These days wen e be like death sentence to wear some kind uniform, many people dey prefer mufti whenever possible. E get one guy wen just dey insult another man publicly. This guy nor know say this man in mufti na kaki man. This kaki man nor talk. At once d bad-mouth guy hear ‘kwouse’ ‘Jouse’ (authentic slaps, slap wen dey identify the occupation of the slapper. Wen u receive some slap, u the slappee go know whether d slapper na army, police or bloody civilian)
-Nor be everybody wen u see dey drive new car for road be rich man. Some na official drivers for the original owners. Some na mechanic wen d owner send to repair d car. Some dey use am teach d original owner how to drive or dem borrow d car from a friend.
-Nor be everybody wen get big belly get money. Some na hereditary. Some are just alcoholics. Others na disease. Don’t be deceived.
-Nor be everybody wen travel abroad don hammer. Some still dey hustle like us. Nor be everybody wen put some kind foreign picture 4 facebook don travel out. Some na photo shopping. Some na Naija dem take d picture, it’s just a matter of settings or background. Nor be quarrel. Nor be beef. Na reality. Take people for who they are, every other thing na parade and fashion.
-Nor be everybody wen smile give u dey interested in u. If na waitress or receptionist, they were taught to smile to every customer as good work ethics. So, nor assume say d smile pass like dat. For other people, their face resemble smile. U may think they are smiling, na lie, na so their face be. Just like some people face resemble quarrel. So u go think say dem dey vex, na lie, na so dem face be. Some people, by nature, like smiling. It has nothing to do with u, na so dem be. 
-Ok na! Abeg nor dey assume too much o, make u nor collect. I wanna end here. Pls, I wanna go… ciao……