Reflections (6) – Short Notes (Part 2)

We learn from our mistakes/experiences!

There are times we are ridiculed because of an apparent lack of experience in performing a certain task. But, we should not be discouraged or dejected. When we learn from our mistakes, we are wiser and better off. We all started from somewhere. Whatever skills you have now, you learnt it from somewhere. You were not born with it. At the beginning we all sulked at the things we did. For instance, remember when children learn how to walk and how to talk. As we grew older, remember how we learnt reading, drawing, riding a bike, etc. How many times we failed before we became better? But we persisted and later became masters of the craft. I remember there were things I did that once aroused laughter but when I do the same things now they arouse applause of approval. So, do you sulk at what you do now? Do people laugh at you as a result? Don't be deterred. Persist without letup. Someday, you'll be the 'Oga' (Master) of the act.

You the one that is so proud and pompous because you are good at what you do, ridiculing others for their ineptitude, remember you were not born with those skills; once upon a time, you were just like the inexperienced one, a neophyte so to speak. Remember, someday the student will become a teacher and may even be better than his teachers.

So, we are not giving up. Tomorrow we won't make the same mistakes we made today. Yes, God willing tomorrow will be better.

On a side note, what makes us human is not being the best of who or what we are, what makes us human is the mistakes we make. Every man makes a mistake. If there's one who doesn't make a mistake, that one is not human. What matters more is not trying not to make mistakes but what you do with the mistakes you make. The best of men are those who learn from their mistakes, not those who don't make them. After all, it's often said that to err is human, but to forgive is divine.

Jokes in Pidgin English (38) – My Pot, Loyalty!

Prelude - Funny things wen man dey see! E get one pot I don dey use for years. The pot has travelled with me from Hall 3 to Hall 4 to Medical Hostel, follow me graduate, enter bus with me take cross River Niger come North, follow me do house-job, even now when man don dey turn chronic M.O, the pot still dey with me. Other pots have come and gone, this particular one has been loyal. Hence, I give am nickname, 'Loyalty'. It has been a loyal companion, through thick and thin. The pot don burn food a million times, the last time, e burn so tail, I lose hope. But still, the thing still let wash; now it's still strong, hale and hearty. Recently, Loyalty come do wetin surprise me. Me, I dey like rice wella and boiling rice has been the primary function of loyalty.

One day, I rush come back from work to watch football match but I dey hungry, so I rush rush wash rice, put am with water inside loyalty. I put on stove but because of rush I forget to put loyalty on top of the stove. So I dey watch match, dey look wristwatch, dey calculate how long my rice go take done. After 15mins, I go kitchen to check how far. To my surprise, stove dey on but nothing dey on top. 'O boy, I don mess up'. Out of annoyance, I say make I go throwaway d rice. When I touch d pot, d pot dey hot. I open pot see say rice don done, well cooked with salt and every. O boy, I surprise. I look round, how manage, na only me dey this house, abi e get one witch wen dey follow me stay this house on my behalf? To my greatest surprise, Loyalty yan/talk:

'Bros! You dey shock. All these years, every day rice rice, you nor dey tire? So tail, today you forget to put me for fire. So I come decide say make I put myself for fire. When the rice don, I put myself for ground. Oya, come chop rice.'

O boy, fear nor make me chop the rice o, to avoid stories that touch. Anyway, I have decided to retire Loyalty with national honours. He has been more faithful to his job than some national award holders!

I dedicated this poem to Loyalty:

A Special Possession – My Pot, Loyalty!

O loyalty!

You were more than a piece of property!

Yes, a companion of immense probity.

You saw me from the grass of poverty

To the grace of prosperity!

You kept our friendship with great tenacity.

I have had my share of vanity;

But with you there was no enmity.

Even in tough times, you kept your proximity.

There was no warranty;

But even your maker did not have the ability

To foresee your durability.

You lived through student’s hostel banality,

Held steady against hostel boys’ curiosity,

Scaled the ‘burnt beans’ brutality,

Endured the Sahara Desert’s cruelty,

Survived roadside criminality,

But you enjoyed the ‘I was there’ captivity.

Remember those years when ‘beans’ was a delicacy,

Every student’s necessity;

Even with all the flatulence and hyper-acidity!

O, how you provided endearing hospitality

To myriad stomachs that rumbled with hostility!

I have learnt great lessons from your historicity:

The value of humility,

The virtue of honesty,

The ardour of loyalty,

The hilarity of humanity,

The rarity of longevity,

The impermeability of lasting beauty,

The morality of modesty,

And the valour of sobriety!

Even as you age with some forms of deformity,

To me you are more than a celebrity.

Amongst other pots, you have no parity.

Jokes in Pidgin English (37) - Problem dey o!

If you see big man with fine well-starched and ironed clothes sit down for bus attachment; hmmm, that nor be manage o. Na problem be that.

If you go buy akara and moi-moi, the woman wen dey sell akara, come give you complementary card, hmmm, you self reason: problem dey o.

If you be undergraduate for school, money nor dey. You come go visit your relative for house. Your relative tell you say things hard o, make you go bush go cut broomstick wen you go sell take get money go school. That one nor be hardship. Na suffer. Problem dey o!

You wen be man, you come fat so tail, in the dark, people dey mistake you for woman. That nor be enjoyment o. Na problem be that. Fat guy dey waka for night, he come dey hear, ‘si si si.’ The guy vex: ‘Who you dey call like dat? You think say I be babe? You dey craze for head.’

If you see a grown-up man dey jug long distance for hot afternoon sun, that nor be exercise o, na problem be that. Maybe the brain don enter reverse.

If you see woman wen dey talk to herself in broad day light, she nor carry phone, she nor wear Bluetooth for ear; nor be talking practice she dey, na problem be that.

If you see a young man and woman leave their house, leave their church building, come go one uncompleted building in the night to do praise and worship; hmmm, that nor be choir practice or fellowship o, na problem be that. In some months time, you go hear testimony abi na true confession, I nor know o. That na probability o.

Reflections (5) – Short Notes!

Misguided Confidence!

You hail a bike or a cab, you tell the driver your destination, and he agrees to take you there. But, alas! He has no clue where you are going. He believes you'll direct him as he drives along or he will gain uncanny inspiration as he drives along. God help you if you share the same ignorance. You know after a learner, one driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and one who is drowsy on the wheels, the next worst driver is one who does not know where he is going. He is a confused man. He lacks confidence. He drives hesitantly. His nightmare is a four-road junction because he knows not where to turn. If you're his passenger, you'll endure a merry-go-round. You may wonder: why did he not admit his ignorance initially and save everyone including himself such embarrassment and stress. Well, the bike man or cab driver is not alone in displaying misguided overconfidence. Some health workers, bankers, lawyers and other professionals share the same proclivity. It's an act of professional dignity and courteous etiquette to humbly admit to our limitations before irreparable damages occur. I will take an honest man to a grandstanding, self-indulging professional any day. Stay safe!

A man of Understanding!

There are times when understanding surpasses love. When you make a mistake, a friend who loves you can gloss over it, the man who understands you can accommodate it. Your love for someone can make you angry when that person errs but your deep understanding of why the person erred can calm you down. There are times I would rather camp my tent with the man who understands me rather than he who loves me. Understanding is application of knowledge. Getting to know your friends and then understanding their course of action is important. You might hate me when you just know me but you will love me if you understand me!

Don’t be deceived!

The best of advisers, counselors, ministers do not necessarily make the best of husbands, wives or friends. Otherwise, one would expect a psychologist or an inspirational speaker to have the best family. But that's not always the case. Some are gifted in reading other people and helping to solve the problems of others but they fail miserably in getting a read on their own lives and in handling their own affairs. They are only so good as to make the best show to the world while they may be hurting on the inside. It's not necessarily their fault. The fact is mortal man is imperfect; and in an imperfect world, you can't have it all. No man has it all. So if you see a man or woman gives or writes a great speech/article, enjoy it because that may be all he's got. Frankly, he/she maybe is overcompensating for other failings in life. This is not always the case. While no one has it all, some certainly have it more. In any case, don't get fooled or carried away just by the 'bling.’

Moments of Grief!

Moments like these, you can't help but remember loved ones lost in death. Dear ones who went away too soon. The sheer emotions we feel and express finds resonance in the common humanity we all share. While different tribes speak different languages and differ on the depth and manner of the grieving process, we are all united in grief. No heart of stone in grief. One cold blooded serial killer admitted grieving over one of his victims. Grief knows no bounds or boundaries. True grief occurs, not in the view of loved ones or members of the public, but in the quiet tears shed at those private moments when the world is so lonely.

Moments of Exquisite Joy!

Have u seen something that made you so joyful that you shed so much tears of joy? Something that held your entire being captive to an amazing delight! Something that made you realize how wonderful and beautiful this life could be! Something that made you lost in thoughts of the sheer capacity of the human spirit to persevere, persist, and prevail in spite of all the odds, proving beyond all doubts that there is value in living this life! There are times we have this experience and we can't hold back the tears of joy. May we live to see this and may we be highly inspired much more than words could ever express!

Jokes in Queen’s English – The Police are your friends!

We often hear these words: The police are your friends. It’s often taken as a slogan to boost the image of the police; it’s not taken literally. One man took it as a real message. One day, while driving on a cozy evening, he got to a police check-point. The police man asked him to drop ‘something’ (a bribe). The man said, ‘My friend, my friend! I don’t have something today. My friend, please, some other time.’ Before you hear Jack, the police man gave him a very unfriendly slap, ‘Who is your friend? Park well, my friend!’ After much insult on injury, the man was let go. When he got home, he lamented, ‘If friends can do this to me, who needs enemies?’ 

Jokes in Queen’s English – When I was a child!

Like every other adult, I was once a child. Sometimes, when I think back to the things I did and the things I was told and made to believe as a child, I can’t help but laugh hard. Here are some examples:

As a child, some of the adults around me sometimes hoard the juicy part of the meals: the meat, fish and the like. They would say, ‘Your time dey come (you will get your turn when you grow up).’ Some even said that giving a child the best parts of the meal encourage stealing. Now, I understand why I’m a briefly summarized full stop. I stopped growing before my time because the adults who had stopped growing then would not allow the young to grow.

As a child I was told that Experience is the best Teacher. Then, I wondered, ‘If that is true, why is Mr. Experience not teaching us at school? Which school is Mr. Experience?’

As a child I was told that the child of a neighbour died while playing a game of football. I got scared. Now, I know why I’m not an Okocha or Messi. Instead, I sit in front of a TV to watch them.

As a child I was told by a friend in school that sometimes their TV set at home won’t start-up until they put it in a wheelbarrow and use it to run around the street first. I thought it was a true story. Not until I told a group of friends the story and they just looked at me amusingly that I realized that that was a factitious Super-Story. It was dumb.

As a child I was so scared of taking drugs; I run far away from home to avoid taking medications. Now, I know better, right? ... right?

When I was growing up, I was used to eating Eba, Semo, Pounded Yam and Starch with my bare hands. Much later, I realized that some people ate them with the aid of a spoon or folk. I was shocked. How can you mold it into a swallow-able lump with those utensils? ‘The thing will not pass (can’t be swallowed)’. Well, one day, a friend of mine in school encouraged me to just give it a try. I obliged. When I took my first round of Eba with a folk, my eyes opened and I saw the light and since that time, many years running, I eat ‘every’ with utensils, home and away, at ‘Mama Put’ and Royal Tropicana, from ‘Eat more, Pay less’ to ‘I was there.’ O boy, all join/correct.

O, when I was a child…

Jokes in Pidgin English (36) – ‘You nor know English!’

We know say wetin oyinbo dey call ‘mannerism’ dey. Some people dey like talk and act in a particular fashion. That said, if you hear some people dey use certain words all the time, that nor be mannerism. That one mean say the person nor know English; him ma nor sabi grammar. If you hear person dey use words like, ‘probability; under probability; in fact; in short’ all the time, make you know say that person nor sabi English. You know why?

I get one friend wen dey like to use ‘under probability/na probability’ in every discussion.

Me: How body? You dey go work?

Friend: Body dey cloth. I nor know how body dey do me. To go work today na under probability o.

Me: How far? You fit help me buy some items for market when you close back from work?

Friend: Well, today na busy day for work o. I go don tire when I close o. To help you na probability o.

One day, my friend ask me for money. I answered: ‘Technically, it’s highly improbable under current mathematical and economic variables and probabilities for me to render your request.’ My friend replied: ‘If you nor get money talk, nor dey blow grammar. Na quarrel?’

Well, na lack of vocabulary dey cause am. If not, words like ‘probably’, ‘maybe’, ‘likely’, etc can be used instead of ‘under probability/na probability’. Maybe, that na the one grammar when my friend cram for school. Those days for secondary school, he get people wen dey cram big words, ‘perambulate, procrastinate, tautology etc’ and them dey use am every time whether the thing rhyme or correct, dem nor care. E.g. ‘Why are you perambulating and procrastinating in the corridor? What a tautology!’

E get other words wen people like to use. Words like: ‘in fact’, ‘in short’ and others. Imagine three friends meet. One like to use ‘under probability/na probability’; another one dey use ‘in fact’; the last one dey use ‘in short.’ So one dey, dem sit down outside. Them come see one fine car pass. This discussion ensued:

Friend 1: In fact, that na Toyota Camry.

Friend 2: Na lie. In short, that na Honda Accord.

As the argument dey go on, them come ask Friend 3 for input.

Friend 3: Hmm… In fact, if you look the car from the front, na Camry. In short, if you look the car from back, na Accord. But if you look the car from the side, I don’t know… That na probability o.