Jokes in Pidgin English (38) – My Pot, Loyalty!

Prelude - Funny things wen man dey see! E get one pot I don dey use for years. The pot has travelled with me from Hall 3 to Hall 4 to Medical Hostel, follow me graduate, enter bus with me take cross River Niger come North, follow me do house-job, even now when man don dey turn chronic M.O, the pot still dey with me. Other pots have come and gone, this particular one has been loyal. Hence, I give am nickname, 'Loyalty'. It has been a loyal companion, through thick and thin. The pot don burn food a million times, the last time, e burn so tail, I lose hope. But still, the thing still let wash; now it's still strong, hale and hearty. Recently, Loyalty come do wetin surprise me. Me, I dey like rice wella and boiling rice has been the primary function of loyalty.

One day, I rush come back from work to watch football match but I dey hungry, so I rush rush wash rice, put am with water inside loyalty. I put on stove but because of rush I forget to put loyalty on top of the stove. So I dey watch match, dey look wristwatch, dey calculate how long my rice go take done. After 15mins, I go kitchen to check how far. To my surprise, stove dey on but nothing dey on top. 'O boy, I don mess up'. Out of annoyance, I say make I go throwaway d rice. When I touch d pot, d pot dey hot. I open pot see say rice don done, well cooked with salt and every. O boy, I surprise. I look round, how manage, na only me dey this house, abi e get one witch wen dey follow me stay this house on my behalf? To my greatest surprise, Loyalty yan/talk:

'Bros! You dey shock. All these years, every day rice rice, you nor dey tire? So tail, today you forget to put me for fire. So I come decide say make I put myself for fire. When the rice don, I put myself for ground. Oya, come chop rice.'

O boy, fear nor make me chop the rice o, to avoid stories that touch. Anyway, I have decided to retire Loyalty with national honours. He has been more faithful to his job than some national award holders!

I dedicated this poem to Loyalty:

A Special Possession – My Pot, Loyalty!

O loyalty!

You were more than a piece of property!

Yes, a companion of immense probity.

You saw me from the grass of poverty

To the grace of prosperity!

You kept our friendship with great tenacity.

I have had my share of vanity;

But with you there was no enmity.

Even in tough times, you kept your proximity.

There was no warranty;

But even your maker did not have the ability

To foresee your durability.

You lived through student’s hostel banality,

Held steady against hostel boys’ curiosity,

Scaled the ‘burnt beans’ brutality,

Endured the Sahara Desert’s cruelty,

Survived roadside criminality,

But you enjoyed the ‘I was there’ captivity.

Remember those years when ‘beans’ was a delicacy,

Every student’s necessity;

Even with all the flatulence and hyper-acidity!

O, how you provided endearing hospitality

To myriad stomachs that rumbled with hostility!

I have learnt great lessons from your historicity:

The value of humility,

The virtue of honesty,

The ardour of loyalty,

The hilarity of humanity,

The rarity of longevity,

The impermeability of lasting beauty,

The morality of modesty,

And the valour of sobriety!

Even as you age with some forms of deformity,

To me you are more than a celebrity.

Amongst other pots, you have no parity.