Jokes in Pidgin English (36) – ‘You nor know English!’

We know say wetin oyinbo dey call ‘mannerism’ dey. Some people dey like talk and act in a particular fashion. That said, if you hear some people dey use certain words all the time, that nor be mannerism. That one mean say the person nor know English; him ma nor sabi grammar. If you hear person dey use words like, ‘probability; under probability; in fact; in short’ all the time, make you know say that person nor sabi English. You know why?

I get one friend wen dey like to use ‘under probability/na probability’ in every discussion.

Me: How body? You dey go work?

Friend: Body dey cloth. I nor know how body dey do me. To go work today na under probability o.

Me: How far? You fit help me buy some items for market when you close back from work?

Friend: Well, today na busy day for work o. I go don tire when I close o. To help you na probability o.

One day, my friend ask me for money. I answered: ‘Technically, it’s highly improbable under current mathematical and economic variables and probabilities for me to render your request.’ My friend replied: ‘If you nor get money talk, nor dey blow grammar. Na quarrel?’

Well, na lack of vocabulary dey cause am. If not, words like ‘probably’, ‘maybe’, ‘likely’, etc can be used instead of ‘under probability/na probability’. Maybe, that na the one grammar when my friend cram for school. Those days for secondary school, he get people wen dey cram big words, ‘perambulate, procrastinate, tautology etc’ and them dey use am every time whether the thing rhyme or correct, dem nor care. E.g. ‘Why are you perambulating and procrastinating in the corridor? What a tautology!’

E get other words wen people like to use. Words like: ‘in fact’, ‘in short’ and others. Imagine three friends meet. One like to use ‘under probability/na probability’; another one dey use ‘in fact’; the last one dey use ‘in short.’ So one dey, dem sit down outside. Them come see one fine car pass. This discussion ensued:

Friend 1: In fact, that na Toyota Camry.

Friend 2: Na lie. In short, that na Honda Accord.

As the argument dey go on, them come ask Friend 3 for input.

Friend 3: Hmm… In fact, if you look the car from the front, na Camry. In short, if you look the car from back, na Accord. But if you look the car from the side, I don’t know… That na probability o.