I'm a creative writer and a health care worker who shares a passion for literary creativity, ingenuity, originality, flexibility, and logical reasoning. Please, have a thoughtful jolly ride with me!
Thursday 27 December 2012
Wednesday 26 December 2012
To a Land of Promise!
‘Promise Land, how does one get there?’ You may wonder.
Some got there by crossing the Niger;
From a pay loader driver to a freeloader!
To many properties and interests; indeed, a sure leader!
Wednesday 12 December 2012
Jokes in Pidgin English (2) – You wan fall in Love? (Remix)
Those days for Uniben! E get one guy wen dey go
out with one girl, professing undying love, ‘I will die for you’. My guy nor
know say the girl original boyfriend na one top cult guy. You know girls wen
dey like to keep their options open, in case yanwa gas for one end. When the
cult guy hear say one guy don fall in love with em girlfriend, d guy arrange
some of em boys make dem go
handle d girlfriend lover. Na’em dem hijack lover boy go one corner. Dem give d
guy pep talk:
Cult guys: When Adam fall in love with Eve, wetin happen?
Lover guy (confused): Adam commit sin
Cult guys: No, wetin happen to Adam last last?
Lover guy: Adam die.
Cult guys: Good. When Romeo fall in love with Juliet, wetin happen?
Lover guy: Romeo die.
Cult guys: Good. When (name withheld, to avoid stories dat touch) fall in love,
wetin happen?
Lover guy: He die.
Cult guys: Good, you wan fall in love?
Lover guy: Nooo, Bros abeg I nor wan fall in love ooo. Abeg!
Cult guys: Good, if you nor wan fall in love, you know dat girl…. Stay away
from her.
My people, I wonder wetin my guy go tell d girl d next time dem jam. ‘Baby, you
know you are so beautiful. I’m so scared of falling in love with you. You
deserve someone better. I don’t deserve you.’ Afraid nor go make my guy yan d
truth. In dis case, d truth is not only bitter but deadly.
Tuesday 11 December 2012
Jokes in Pidgin English (1) – Names can be misleading!
Nor be name when person bear dey show wetin the person fit do
oh. Sometimes, names can be misleading (dat na Pidgin English?). Those days for
school, for my room for hostel we get one Electrical Engineering student. This guy
dey read, I mean he dey move stuff. But if we get electrical fault in our room,
this guy dey dodge. Our room no light, other rooms get light. Where Electrical
Engineer? No where to be found. Hot plate is faulty. Engineer is AWOL. One day,
we challenge d guy, ‘Ha ha! Nor be Electrical Engineer u be, why u nor dey help
repair electrical faults in the room?’ D guy say, ‘I learn about the designs. Those
problems are managed by local and manual repairers. When I graduate, within few mths of
practice, I will learn all those local stuff.’ Hausa man say, ‘tuo!’ My guy if
u get light problem, u come put hope on an Electrical engineer wen dey learn
design, na u know. Darkness may well be ur
portion.
If u carry Mechanical Engineer for your car, your car come
break down in d middle of nowhere, u come put hope on your Mechanical Engineer
passenger, o boy, na suffer oh. Nor think say since ‘mechanic’ is in 'Mechanical', so
therefore your
car problem will be handled. Na lie oh. Nor be by name oh. Na by experience oh.
One day, I enter market for Kano , I come dey hear ‘Doctor, Doctor,’ I turn
round thinking say na person wen know me. Wen I turn, I come see d original doctor
wen dem dey call: one matured man selling drugs, he wear one old discoloured
white coat. For em mind, na Doctor abi? The day yanwa go gas, u go know say it’s
not by name nor by title but by u know na…. no need to expatiate.
Don’t be misled!
Funny – Made in Naija!
Some days ago, I went to a supermarket for shopping. I bought some Titus Sardine. When I got home I kept them in the refrigerator. This morning I was so much in a hurry to get to work because I was running late. I needed a snap breakfast. Then I remembered I have Titus sardine in the fridge. When I opened one can, O boy, I was surprised. It looked different. It was then I decided to re-examine the cover of the can. Instead of ‘Titus,’ I saw ‘Titis.’ Waoh! Naijaaaaaaaa! Titus is now Titis. God have mercy. Don’t ask me if I ate it, oh. That's over-sharing!
Sometime ago, a friend bought Mouka foam in the market. Feeling good, he slept on his Mouka foam till morning. In the morning when he woke up, he noticed that the foam has flattened. He waited to see if it will spring back, no way! He decided to re-examine the foam. Instead of MOUKA, he saw UMUOKA. Naijaaaaaaaa.
Imagine that phones are produced in Nigeria, we will see names like
- Sam sungu
- Enokia
- Suny Emekasson
- Omotorola
- Toshibe
Dis count-tri heeded by Goodrock Ibele Joratan, which revel? Na so we go dey dey like edede everyday so tail we don get fake Aso Rock? If you see ‘Welcome to Asu Rock,’ O boy, make sharp reverse oh, otherwise ur tory will no be told in Uvation. I rest my kase oh!
Funny - Back in the Days!
Years ago while on my matriculation groove, the ‘staylites’ (as
opposed to the Jambites) were singing: “Matriculation nor be convocation; matriculation
nor be convocation; matriculation nor be convocation; somebody go kpai.” At
that time I felt: “Who cares? Let’s celebrate today’s joys and face tomorrow’s
problems when it comes.” Anyways, years later I understood the full meaning of
that song. ‘No be small thing o.’
‘See, na joke! I nor dey oh.’ There was this guy, he was a
staylite. He had a younger brother who was a Jambite. They went to a convocation
ceremony together. Before they left home, they agreed on a code of
communication:
1st class degree = I too know
2nd class upper degree = I pass them
2nd class lower degree = I am loyal
3rd class degree = I don’t care
Pass = I was there
Fail = The Devil is a liar.
When they got to the ceremony, they went inside the
Auditorium.
Jambite pointed to some guys grinning from molar to molar,
Staylite said: ‘I too know.’ Jambite pointed to some sitting close to the
podium, Staylite: ‘I pass them.’
Jambite looked behind him, Staylite: ‘I am loyal.’
Finally, they came out. Jambite saw so many people with
convocation gowns standing outside taking pictures and partying. Jambite: ‘Why
are they standing outside when the actual ceremony is going on inside? Staylite:
‘I don’t care.’
At the back of the Auditorium, Jambite saw a group of boys
and girls. They were praying, singing, binding, and exorcising. Jambite pointed
at them. Staylite: ‘Stop staring at them. The Devil is a liar.’
Monday 10 December 2012
Things you see that make you feel amazed! (Compilation of 1 – 3)
1. While shopping in an open market in Kano , I walked by an
elderly lady. She was all smiles. I wondered what was making this old lady so
happy. She was clutching a brand new transistor radio to her chest. Apparently,
she just bought it and felt so delighted about her new acquisition. ‘Is it not
just a small radio set?’ You may wonder. Well, if I buy that same radio and
send it to my elderly aunt in the South, she may not share the excitement of
this woman I saw. It got me thinking:
Our happiness is not determined by the (material)
worth of the things we own; rather our happiness is derived from the value we
place on the things we own. – My Reflections.
2. I traveled to the South a while ago. It was a long road trip. Scared of
having a running stomach, I did not take breakfast before l left for the park.
When we got to Kaduna ,
I was so hungry but I was too scared to eat because I had an unpleasant
experience the last time I traveled that long. Some hours later we got to Abuja . My stomach was
rumbling and I was much at unease. When we stopped to get fuel, I bought snacks
and a drink. I did not eat them right away. I just kept them with me. Even
though I had not eaten, when my body recognized that food was available and it
was just a matter of time before I eat I became at ease and felt some relief.
It got me thinking:
Sometimes what we need from our friends
and family is the guarantee that they will be there for us when we need them.
Even though they may not be present with us in person, but knowing that, God
willing, they will be there for us when we need them is reassuring. The
assurance that no matter where the highs and lows of life take us, we will have
our close pals to stand with us, pray for us and help us through trying times.
We don’t see God but knowing that He is always there for us is a most
comforting thought. - My Reflections!
3. Still on
my long trip to the South: When we got to Auchi and Ekpoma, some passengers
disembarked from the bus. The driver picked new passengers along the way; much
to our dismay (you can’t tell who is who that late in the night). There was
this young man that boarded the bus. He came in and just kept to himself. He
was so quiet that my discomfort increased; you know what they say, ‘It’s always
the quiet ones.’ When we were about 15 mins drive from Benin , our vehicle broke
down in the middle of nowhere. ‘ Hmm!’ The Driver and the rest of us were
at a loss on what to do except for this young man. This guy took control of the
situation. He was making suggestions on how to fix the car, and relating
personal experiences on situations like this. Eventually we hailed another bus
to tow our bus to Benin . The driver was so
appreciative of the young man’s help that he thanked him repeatedly for the
rest of the journey. It got me thinking:
You cannot tell the worth of some individuals until there is an urgent problem that needs to be solved. Great men are not only known for great speeches but are also known for doing great things in spite of great odds. - My Reflections!
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