Everyone Changes!

We live in a universe that is ever-changing. Everything around us changes. Look at the leaves of the trees around us. Their colours change with the seasons. Look at the animals. They are changing. From the day they were born till the day they die, they undergo constant changes. What about the heavenly bodies: the stars. They undergo change in size, position, and some even get absorbed in giant ‘Black holes’. Our earth is always changing its position and is in constant motion. Man, an intelligent being, is not except from this wave of change. We change in form, from infancy to old age; in behaviour, from innocent curious kids to much more responsible adults; in knowledge, in beliefs, in love and romance, in friendships and in our complex interrelationships with fellow humans and other terrestrial and extraterrestrial entities in this universe. The question is: are we conscious of this change? How best are we preparing and taking advantage of our ever-changing yet exciting world?

Change in form. We change from small, helpless and restless kids to bigger and mature adults and then we grow old. Sometimes we are oblivious of these changes. When we are young, there are times we have this feeling that we’ll stay young forever. Getting old may seem ages away. Thus many youths make decisions and do things as though life will always remain the same. Are you a young, beautiful, sexy lady? You won’t remain like that forever. You won’t always be the hype of town or the most sought after single lady. The same applies to the men. Recognizing that change in form is inevitable in this changing world should move you to give more thought to your actions now. Some in school live their lives as though they will not graduate and change their location to a more brutal outside society. In our African society, a lot of premium is placed on marriage, family and kids. The road to achieving these goals starts when you are young. There is the best time for everything. Don’t get caught unawares by the changes we all undertake. Take good advantage of your present form and make a better deal for your future.

Change in behaviour. As kids, we were innocent. We were free to explore our surroundings and were not held accountable for our actions. ‘They are just kids’, others would say. As we grew older, we became more aware of our bodies, our surroundings and we were held more and more accountable for our actions. ‘Why are you behaving like kids?’ some would then say. These changes are challenged by the people around us, whether at home, in school, places of worship, social gatherings and at places of employment. We must recognize that just as the people around us evolve in their character formation, so do we. Very often, our experiences, background, and upbringing differs a lot from others. So, we never expect everyone to act in the same way but the fact is: everyone changes. No one stays static. The choice is either you change to become a more responsible, well-adjusted adult or you become irresponsible and mal-adjusted. There is no in-between. There is no sitting on the fence. If we are responsible and well-behaved and we don’t work hard to improve on ourselves and our values, we will lose it. For emphasis, anyone who is contented with who he/she is and does not make the conscious effort to be better and better at his/her positive attributes, will end up losing it. Our universe does not give room for stasis for long. It’s just like a new house. When it’s completed, it’s all beautiful. What if the owners say, ‘This house is so beautiful, let’s leave it as it is? No occupants. No maintenance.’ With time that once beautiful house will deteriorate. Even a beautiful damsel needs to improve on her looks: regular exercise, good nutrition, and good personal hygiene. All of these help her to be the pretty angel that she is. On the other hand, if she takes herself for granted and stay contented with the way she is, give her time, the beauty will fade rapidly. If our behaviour is as sweet as angelic beauty, let us not rest on our oars; work hard to make it shine more and more with pristine glory.

This is why we have reminders. Haven’t you wondered why we are often reminded of things we’ve known from childhood? Why do we receive reminders from the scriptures? Why are we often reminded on the TV, Radio and other broadcasting media of the dangers of smoking, STIs, etc and on the value of good hygiene, exercise, good nutrition and other healthy living lifestyles? It is because it’s been a well accepted fact that everyone has the capacity to change either for good or bad. It is not a matter of if, but when. So don’t scorn at reminders, rather use that time to soberly reflect on them and avail yourself the opportunity of been a better man or woman.

Change in beliefs. When I talk about beliefs, it’s not all about religious beliefs or doctrines however tempting that is. I’m talking about personal beliefs, superstitions, and cultural, traditional or social beliefs. I’m talking prevalent societal norms and values all of which are subject to change in our ever-changing world. A lot has changed: traditional beliefs in human sacrifices are changing in places like Benin, the killing of twins, and the caste system in the East are now things of the past. The maltreatment of sickle cell disease patients as ‘Ogbanjes’, and the horrific treatment handed down to people with heart failure or kidney failure as ‘witches’ as a result of the resultant body swelling they suffer, all of these is changing, albeit slowly. More and more people with mental illnesses are seeking help at psychiatric hospitals instead of going to traditional or religious homes where they are chained, flogged, branded and treated like animals. As a young lad, even though I had belief in God’s protection, I was in constant dread of ‘witches’. I thought that ‘witches’ were responsible for every misfortune. Road traffic accidents (RTAs) were often attributed to blood-thirsty ‘witches’. But a lot has changed over the years. I’ve come to realize that belief in the overwhelming power of ‘witches’ was bondage in itself. It’s very liberating when you don’t have to suspect everybody around you as being a ‘witch’. More and more persons are now taking personal responsibilities for their actions rather than blame it on ‘witches’. Bad roads, bad government and bad conduct of motorist are blamed for RTAs rather than superstitions.

Thanks to education, the media, science and the information age of the internet and other sources of public enlightenment, a lot is changing. In view of these changes, there is the need for us to re-evaluate our beliefs and value system. In times past, many placed high premium on having many wives and many children. It was viewed that the larger the family size, the more hands would be available to care for the family trade which was mainly farming. Some also opined that the larger the family, the higher the number that will survive. But a lot has changed. If in this modern era, a young man aspires to have many wives and many children, is he keeping up with the evolving world? Is he not retrogressive? Gone are the days when women take pride in giving birth at home or with local birth attendants. Now, more persons are aware that it is safer for women to deliver babies in the hospital. Is our psyche or mentality been shaped by archaic and superstitious beliefs? If u don’t catch-up and move along with recent trends, you will be left behind.

Change in knowledge. Knowledge is ever expanding and evolving. Lots of things have changed. Even now, some scientists are challenging long-held theories of older scientists like Albeit Einstein. Knowledge is growing fast and vast in all disciplines. Are you a professional? Are you keeping up-to-date with changes in your field? Are you a doctor that has been in the practice for years? Are you keeping up-to-date with the CPDs/CMEs, seminars and other educational avenues? Or do you cling to the old ways of doing things? Do you still prescribe drugs that are banned like novalgin/analgin? You can’t be content with what you know. You can not know enough. The brain deteriorates when it is not put to use. So learn something new, not just in your field but also in other areas. You can learn a new language. You can visit places that afford you the opportunities to learn more about nature. Listen to the news. Watch documentaries. Read the dailies and weeklies. Go online. Surf the net. Get into social networks. Interact with people all over the world. Get involved in something new. Challenge yourself to new heights. Get a new car. Get married. Have children. Do something good and exciting in your life. Remember, the world is not waiting for you. It’s like a long race. If u run ahead of others and you get to a point where you say, ‘I’m good’ and you stop, after a while every other person will run past you and you will end up in backward position. So don’t be content with what you are, get to know more and do more.

Change in love and friendship. This is the last but very crucial area I want to talk about. The friends you had in childhood are likely not the same friends you have now as an adult. We change friends when we move from primary to secondary schools. Same as when we get to tertiary institutions. Change of employment or our places of abode also affect our relationship with others. It is a natural course of events. These changes invariably affect our lives, our values, our attitudes and the romantic interest we share with others. People change. That is a fact you must recognize when you decide to get romantically involved with someone. It’s not because people are bad or they don’t care, but because there is a natural course of change; nobody stays the same. That is why true and enduring friendship that will ultimately lead to life-long commitments needs to stand the test of time. When you are in a relationship with someone, the relationship changes and evolve. It evolves either into a stronger and viable relationship or it deteriorates and collapses. No relationship stays stagnant. So, evolve with your relationship. Know the strengths of your partner and build on them, so he/she will change for the better. Know his/her weaknesses and show understanding. Allow time to pass. Never be in a hurry. See whether your compatibility is maintained as the relationship moves on. Don’t wait passively. Look for new and exciting ways to spice your relationship. Arrange for holidays, travel and visit places. Learn a new language. Learn a new game. Even if you are married, people still change in their matrimonial home. Having made life-long commitments, look for novel ways to uphold that commitment. Relationships don’t thrive on monotony, doing the same things in the same way every time. There’s always room for something new and different, yet worthy and fulfilling. Don’t let an outsider or a stranger do that for you. That could spell disaster for your relationship.

While minor changes we make everyday matters, of greater consequences are the major changes we make when we leave home for school, when we leave school for work, when we get married, when we travel out of the country for greener pastures, etc. The question is not whether we will change or whether the world around us will change, the real question is, how prepared are you to take advantage of such changes? How prepared are you to evolve in this ever-changing universe? Never be content with whom or what you are. Always strive to be a better ‘you’, because no matter how noble and lofty you are, you can get better. I’m not writing from the point of view of someone who has always made the right choices and changes; rather from the point of view of one who has made a lot of wrong choices and had witnessed first hand the ill-consequences of such changes. I’m no saint; neither are you. I don’t strive for sainthood; neither should you. All I ever strive for is to be a better person because God created all of mankind with the capacity to adapt favourably to the inevitable changes of life. There is a good in all of mankind. May we all consciously strive to improve in our little kindnesses, warm smiles, loving care, sense of humour, sense of belonging and companionship, and the little things that makes this earth a more lovable place to live in.