First Day; First Time!

Nobody forgets their first day. It's the most memorable of all. First day at school! First day at work! First day in a new environment! The first time at something new! The hopes, the tension, the anticipation, the anxiety, the worries, the fears, the feeling of inadequacy;  it's overwhelming, it's so unforgettable. The first day remains indelible in our minds, so we work hard to make it special. As dreadful as the thought of failure on your first day or first time, nothing compares with the thrills and joys of seeing through your first day or first time. You don't allow the fear of the unknown deter you from doing something new and worthy. Remember, if you don't try it, you'll never know. The first time is worth every care, every thought, every plan, every dream, every hope, every prayer, every wait and every strength. Sometimes the first time is everything. Yes! The first time could be a foretaste of what is to come. The start of something new can tell how well it will end. Do you want to hear something new? Have a lovely time, folks. Love You!

I Love Pidgin English Talk Talk (5)

Funny things wen man eye don see - 419 Part 1
Something make me remember all those times wen 419 (fraudsters) don try play me. Those days for school, I just dey, no money for hand. I say make I travel go home go see whether man pikin fit get some cash from my people. Na so I come go house, no show. I come go visit other people of interest, still no show, everywhere dry like Harmatan weather. Before I comot school my roommate when come from the same place with me send me message go their house to collect some things for am. So after perambulating places of interest, I come go my roommate side to collect some medemede (items) for my roommate. So as I come reach road say make I take taxi go house, I come jam 419.

 

Dem dey inside one taxi. Wen I try stop the taxi at first, e nor stop. E go front small before e come stop. E be like say dem dey assess me whether I be good candidate for their business. I dey sure say na my roommate things wen I carry make dem feel say I dey loaded. Wen d taxi revise come back, one guy come come down from the back seat, I come enter middle. As we dey go I dey reason my life, I come all the way from school, no money. As I dey lament for my mind, drama come start from the taxi.

 

One passenger say make the driver stop, he wan come down. E say e get load from boot (car trunk), make driver come open boot. As driver open boot, driver shout, ‘hey eh! Make wo na come see something. This passenger say na fish he carry, nor know say na money he carry. I go report you to police’. The passenger come dey beg, ‘Oga driver abeg, nor report me. Na one Allaji (Alhaji) for North when I dey work for. The man dey wicked me, so one day, he come travel, na’em I carry em money run. The Allaji do juju inside the money, so before I fit use the money, I go need herbalist (spiritualist) wen go remove the juju wen the Allaji put inside the money.’ The driver say, ‘How much be the money?’ Passenger say, ‘Na 2.5 million naira.’ O boy, as I hear million my ear stand. The passenger say, ‘Na the herbalist place I dey go now. The herbalist say I go first pay am some money wen he go take remove the juju. If wo na help me gather the money for the herbalist, we go share the Allaji money five five hundred thousand.’ Wen I hear the money, my mind first dey jolly, I dey happy. Uhmmm, see me wen dey look for money. He be like say God wan butter my bread.

 

So dem come enter the taxi back. The other passengers come agree to contribute money to the herbalist. After few minutes na’em I come come back to my senses. Wen I look the people when wan share the 2.5 million, O boy, I tell myself say this people na 419. Better people wan share millions, na for inside kabu kabu taxi dem go dey discuss am. My mind come tell me, ‘Shuooo! This people na 419 ooo. Stop this taxi na na na.’ When I reach the front of one of my relation house, na so I shout, ‘Driver stop me! Stop me!’ Wen the 419 guys see say the home-video wen dem act, he nor work, dem come know say me na bad market, na em dem stop. I come come down. Na God save me dat day, I for use my roommate things take do sara (gift). I learn one big lesson that day. Na greedy person 419 dey quick dey catch. God abeg ooo, my own do me ooo!

Jokes in Pidgin English (25)

Funny things wen man don see – Stammerer!
Those days wen you hear ‘kpa!’ (a very loud sound), you go relax, maybe na tire burst. Those days wen you hear, ‘kpa kpa!’, you go relax, maybe na knock-out (fireworks). At that time, if you hear ‘kpa kpa kpa!’ you fit worry small, maybe na area boys (thieves) wen dey look for chop money when men dey sleep. O boy, these days, wen you hear ‘kpa!’, na 100 metres race men dey take, you nor wan know wether na tire burst, whether na knock-out or area boys. Nowadays all men dey assume the worst. Sometime ago, I go one market, I nor hear anything ooo, but wen I see men dey run, I join dem run. Somebody ask me wetin happen, I nor know. In short, no time to ask question, just dey run dey go. That is why, this time na bad time to be stammerer. Before you go ask wetin dey happen, all men don run leave you.

Just imagine this! Stammerer go market go buy some things. As he carry the heavy load wen he buy, he see people dey run. He dey reason, these many things wen em buy, he nor go fit carry them run. On the other hand, he nor go fit run leave them just like that. So he come say make he ask wetin dey happen so that he go decide wether na to leave the things begin run. Na so stammerer stand. People dey run pass am. ‘we… we... we... we...’, no answer. Stammerer wan try ask, ‘wetin dey happen?’ Na so he stand there, ‘we… we... we... we...’ People dey wonder why dis guy stand and other people dey run, abi na Western journalist he be? Na Western journalist go see people dey run, he go waka go see wetin dey happen. Na so stammerer stand with em load, ‘we… we… we...' After about 10mins, stammerer hear, ‘kpa kpa kpa kpokpokpokpo’ (very loud, continuous sounds), stammerer shout, ‘kweke!’ He throwaway em load begin run. The guy see strong thing that day!

Jokes in Pidgin English (24)

Funny things wen man don see – Who steal the meat?

I remember those days for Hall 3, UNIBEN. One of my room-mates go market, arrange correct meat take cook soup. When he cook finish, he come go lecture. When he close, come back, come open pot, he see say some meat don miss from the pot. The population of the meat inside the pot underwent some radical changes in numerical strength and body mass. To use big grammer make e nor lost. The guy hala, 'Somebody carry meat from my pot.' I come tell am say maybe na rat carry am. The guy say, 'Bros yee! Rat go carry meat from pot, come still cover am back?' O boy! When he ask the question, I come really reason am. That na PhD question o. That kind rat wen dey steal meat from pot, come still cover the pot back so that make dem nor catch am. That kind rat deserve national merit award for excellence in thievery. We need to check the IQ of that rat. Na genius e go be. That kind rat go fit question the owner of the pot: 'You count the meat? How you take know say the meat dey lost? Where is your proof? Show me the receipt of meat ownership.'

A word a day… 24-01-13

In a long road trip, the one who started first does not necessarily come out first; the outcome does not really depend on who started first. For example, when you take a long road trip say from Kano to Benin, the fact that you took the first bus for Benin does not mean you'll get to Benin first. A lot can happen: mechanical failure, driver's fatigue, traffic jams, bad weather, etc. So too is the journey of life. Those who started first don't necessarily come out tops. So what matters more is not when you started but how well you persevere in what you've started. The scriptures did not say, 'He who started the course of endurance will be saved,' but he who endured to the end will be saved. We undertake different journeys in the course of our lives and the journey of our lives can take different courses: education, jobs/career, marriage, family etc. It does not matter when or where you started. The one who can truly lay claim to success is the one who persevered to the end in spite of all the odds. Persevere in a good course and may you find success in your way. Have a successful day, folks!

I Love Pidgin English Talk Talk (4)

Funny things wen man dey see!

E get one guy, we dey work for the same place. One day, I don late, I dey rush go work, the guy block me for road. E tell me say e get urgent problem, e need money ASAP. Because I don late for work, I nor get time to get the full gist, so i come give am the money sharp sharp. For the guy mind, i dey loaded. So another day, the guy come meet me for house one evening like that. I don come back from work dat day, I dey relax. So wen my guy show dis time, I nor dey hurry. The problem wen dis guy come bring na big problem. I come ask d guy, ‘Wetin happen?’ The guy come tell me one long story, how e take waka from Genesis enter Exodus, come meet one Isaiah, travel go Colossians. By d time my guy reach Revelation, one hour don pass. Uhmmm. I come look. I tell am say, ‘This your problem big pass me o, this your problem, the solution is not earthly but heavenly. Guy nor worry, I go put am for my prayer point. With God, nothing is impossible.’ Wen the guy see say no show today, the guy waka. I know say the guy go dey reason for em mind, ‘Why dis bros nor help me today? Maybe the story wen I talk too long. Maybe e nor dey like long long story.’ Nor be small thing.

Another day like dat, my guy show again. This time the guy don summarize d problem. He was brief and straight to the point like shorthand. Before one minute, the guy don yan em problem finish. O boyee. E be like say this guy don catch me today. I come look up, look down. I say, ‘Guy, this problem wen you tell me so, e dey remind me of wetin happen to me many years ago.’ Na so I come start my own tori. I take the guy pass Genesis, Hebrews, by the time we pass Revelation, I nor know. I come yan the guy different solutions to em problem. The guy dey wait make I land, I nor gree land. I dey talk talk talk oooo. So at one point piss come dey catch me (urge to pass urine), I come take break, tell d guy say, ‘to be continued, make I go piss (urinate)’. Before I piss come back, my guy don run… sheee… I never even talk d sweet part of my tori, my guy don waka. Na waooooo oh.

Jokes in Pidgin English (23) – Fake patient!

E get people wen dey pretend say dem dey sick, so that dem go get attention. Na women dey do am pass, especially married ones. E get one wife wen dey always pretend say she dey sick so that the husband go drop money. This man come get sister wen be nurse. So everytime the wife sick, e go carry her to the sister. Everytime, sick sick. The nurse come notice say her brother wife dey pretend. So, one day dem carry her come say she dey sick. The nurse come go look for those injection wen dey pain like the analgin of those days. When she give the woman this injection, she see stars. She well by force. After that day, she nor sick again. If this nurse wan find her trouble, she go say, 'In-law, how far na? See ur face. E be like say you nor well o.' This woman go say, 'Nooo, i well o. In short, since you give me that injection eh, I nor sick again. Sister, that injection strong shaa.'