I Love Pidgin English Talk Talk (4)

Funny things wen man dey see!

E get one guy, we dey work for the same place. One day, I don late, I dey rush go work, the guy block me for road. E tell me say e get urgent problem, e need money ASAP. Because I don late for work, I nor get time to get the full gist, so i come give am the money sharp sharp. For the guy mind, i dey loaded. So another day, the guy come meet me for house one evening like that. I don come back from work dat day, I dey relax. So wen my guy show dis time, I nor dey hurry. The problem wen dis guy come bring na big problem. I come ask d guy, ‘Wetin happen?’ The guy come tell me one long story, how e take waka from Genesis enter Exodus, come meet one Isaiah, travel go Colossians. By d time my guy reach Revelation, one hour don pass. Uhmmm. I come look. I tell am say, ‘This your problem big pass me o, this your problem, the solution is not earthly but heavenly. Guy nor worry, I go put am for my prayer point. With God, nothing is impossible.’ Wen the guy see say no show today, the guy waka. I know say the guy go dey reason for em mind, ‘Why dis bros nor help me today? Maybe the story wen I talk too long. Maybe e nor dey like long long story.’ Nor be small thing.

Another day like dat, my guy show again. This time the guy don summarize d problem. He was brief and straight to the point like shorthand. Before one minute, the guy don yan em problem finish. O boyee. E be like say this guy don catch me today. I come look up, look down. I say, ‘Guy, this problem wen you tell me so, e dey remind me of wetin happen to me many years ago.’ Na so I come start my own tori. I take the guy pass Genesis, Hebrews, by the time we pass Revelation, I nor know. I come yan the guy different solutions to em problem. The guy dey wait make I land, I nor gree land. I dey talk talk talk oooo. So at one point piss come dey catch me (urge to pass urine), I come take break, tell d guy say, ‘to be continued, make I go piss (urinate)’. Before I piss come back, my guy don run… sheee… I never even talk d sweet part of my tori, my guy don waka. Na waooooo oh.