I Love Pidgin English Talk Talk (5)

Funny things wen man eye don see - 419 Part 1
Something make me remember all those times wen 419 (fraudsters) don try play me. Those days for school, I just dey, no money for hand. I say make I travel go home go see whether man pikin fit get some cash from my people. Na so I come go house, no show. I come go visit other people of interest, still no show, everywhere dry like Harmatan weather. Before I comot school my roommate when come from the same place with me send me message go their house to collect some things for am. So after perambulating places of interest, I come go my roommate side to collect some medemede (items) for my roommate. So as I come reach road say make I take taxi go house, I come jam 419.

 

Dem dey inside one taxi. Wen I try stop the taxi at first, e nor stop. E go front small before e come stop. E be like say dem dey assess me whether I be good candidate for their business. I dey sure say na my roommate things wen I carry make dem feel say I dey loaded. Wen d taxi revise come back, one guy come come down from the back seat, I come enter middle. As we dey go I dey reason my life, I come all the way from school, no money. As I dey lament for my mind, drama come start from the taxi.

 

One passenger say make the driver stop, he wan come down. E say e get load from boot (car trunk), make driver come open boot. As driver open boot, driver shout, ‘hey eh! Make wo na come see something. This passenger say na fish he carry, nor know say na money he carry. I go report you to police’. The passenger come dey beg, ‘Oga driver abeg, nor report me. Na one Allaji (Alhaji) for North when I dey work for. The man dey wicked me, so one day, he come travel, na’em I carry em money run. The Allaji do juju inside the money, so before I fit use the money, I go need herbalist (spiritualist) wen go remove the juju wen the Allaji put inside the money.’ The driver say, ‘How much be the money?’ Passenger say, ‘Na 2.5 million naira.’ O boy, as I hear million my ear stand. The passenger say, ‘Na the herbalist place I dey go now. The herbalist say I go first pay am some money wen he go take remove the juju. If wo na help me gather the money for the herbalist, we go share the Allaji money five five hundred thousand.’ Wen I hear the money, my mind first dey jolly, I dey happy. Uhmmm, see me wen dey look for money. He be like say God wan butter my bread.

 

So dem come enter the taxi back. The other passengers come agree to contribute money to the herbalist. After few minutes na’em I come come back to my senses. Wen I look the people when wan share the 2.5 million, O boy, I tell myself say this people na 419. Better people wan share millions, na for inside kabu kabu taxi dem go dey discuss am. My mind come tell me, ‘Shuooo! This people na 419 ooo. Stop this taxi na na na.’ When I reach the front of one of my relation house, na so I shout, ‘Driver stop me! Stop me!’ Wen the 419 guys see say the home-video wen dem act, he nor work, dem come know say me na bad market, na em dem stop. I come come down. Na God save me dat day, I for use my roommate things take do sara (gift). I learn one big lesson that day. Na greedy person 419 dey quick dey catch. God abeg ooo, my own do me ooo!