Jokes in Pidgin English (49) – Come and Steal!

Once upon a time there was a man who lives in a certain place. Whenever he leaves his home, thieves would come into his house to steal his things. This happened on so many occasions. So, fed up with the incessant loss of his properties to thieves, he decided to act. So, one morning, he brought out all of his properties: electronics, furniture, kitchen items, generating set, etc. He then hung a large sign on top of the properties. The sign read, ‘Come and steal them’. He then left the house for days. When passersby saw the notice, they were surprised. Some of the thieves who had stolen from the man before passed by, saying, ‘Hmmm… na waooo… this one wen this man pack em properties come out like this. Hmmm… maybe the man don do heavy juju (charms). Hmmm… if person touch these things, person go collect o (Injure).’

This man’s properties stayed outside for several days and nights, nobody took anything away. He came back and met his things intact. From that day onward, no thief came to his house again.

There was this single lady who was living alone. So, one young man, a neighbour of hers was persuading her to sleep with him. She refused. She said she was not interested. But the young man persisted. Fed up with the whole kabuki dance and worries from this young man, she decided to act. One day, when she and the guy were alone in the house, she wore a towel to the guy’s room. When she got there, she pulled away the towel and was completely naked, saying, ‘See me. What can you do?’ When the guy saw the lady naked, he fainted. After, he woke up, he was asked what happened. He said he saw a ghost. From that day onward, he could not look the lady in the eye, let alone, asking her out.

P.S. My people na joke. If you try wetin the man in the 1^st story and the lady in the 2^nd story do, you go collect. It’s a joke, not an endorsement.