Sunday, 7 April 2013

Jokes in Pidgin English (40) – Pregnant Lady, Part 2!



Scene 1:  A lady with an advanced pregnancy went out with an outfit that revealed much of her cleavage; and thanks to her pregnancy state, she was quite the ‘boss.’ Sometimes, I feel that some ladies use their pregnancy as an excuse to dress in whatever way they please. After all, ‘They can see that I’m heavy. Nobody can talk to me or challenge me or toast me.’ Imagine what might be going through the mind of that baby in the womb assuming the baby is aware of what’s going on.

‘Mama, why now? Why you dey advertise my natural food reservoirs? Nor be Cowbell or Peak Milk you carry ooo. Those things you are showing belongs to me and me alone. Wait until I come out now! Na den you go know who be the owner and who be onlooker.’

Na those kind children wen dem born them, and dem dey house with the mother, dem go keep quiet, no cry for breast food. Na wen the Mama dey middle of ‘Molue’ commercial bus, na that time dem go show themselves. ‘waiiii, waiii, waiii (crying)’ dem wan breastfeed in the presence of the world. Na that time u go see ‘aproko/tatafor/oversabi’ passengers dey say, ‘Madam give am breast now. Give am breast make him keep quiet.’ Na then you go see some mothers dey consider the rationale behind the publicity of private properties/equities. My own question be say, ‘Why not also consider this while pregnant?’


Scene 2: One pregnant woman come for labour. As the pain start, na so she start. She insult and curse the husband, the baby, the in-laws, the relatives, the nurses, the doctors and everybody who was within range. She come dey curse, dey curse, dey insult everybody especially the husband. All efforts to calm her down failed. Everybody assume say na because of the pain make her dey do like that. Hmmm…

The question be say, ‘Na only she don carry belle before? Na only she don enter labour ward before? If some people dey feel labour pains, dem go dey sing praises, some others go dey pray. While others dey do everything other than insult people. Why be say this one own different?’

You see this is what is called ‘opportunity’. E get things this woman don dey keep for mind since, fear nor make her fit talk. Now now, when she dey labour now, she come use that as excuse to let out all the venomous curses she had harboured inside. She curse ‘shege’ for the husband body because she know say when the baby show, all sins shall be forgiven. Well, make she remember say anything said, na record o. Even if no repercussions now, one day, somebody go dial ‘play’ for that record.

You know the true character of a man or woman may be revealed in moments of pain or anger. If you get bad mouth before and now you come dey pretend say you be quieti, the day wen you go vex or dey in pain, that ‘bad mouth’ shall be revealed in true colours. So too, if you get good character true true, the day of pains and anguish shall reveal your nobility and goodness. Na so i see am o. I rest my case!

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